Hey, Guys...
Well, it's official; I'm back in Kona. I've been here for a few days now and it's been quite an adjustment. I'm still adjusting, actually! It's so strange to come back to a place that feels so much like home in so many ways and yet be completely displaced.
The first day was a real struggle emotionally. My school leader picked me up and it was cool to hang out w/ him for a bit. We ran to Walmart and then got lunch at this awesome hole in the wall sushi place. He helped me get my staff stuff started (getting my ID, etc.) and got me to my room. For the first month I am staying on campus. Oh, the joys of campus life. Loud laughter after campus quiet time and children running around. It was a bit of a jolt just in that all of my belongings are in the apartment I thought I was coming back to; there are some (really nice) guys staying there until the end of the month after their quarter for school ends. I did go and get my sleeping bag, pillow, some shoes, etc. from them, but I don't want to go over there every time I need something! So I've had to re-buy some basics which will just be used in the long run anyway. I really make an effort to be flexible, but I confess sometimes when I have something in my head and it gets changed it takes me a bit to come around. The gals in my new room are great; I just didn't expect to be on a top bunk 3 feet from the ceiling climbing up and down for all my belongings! Praise God at 42 (almost!!) I am physically able to do it.
The first couple of days were rough. Like I said I feel at home here, but none of my dearest friends are here, so at every memory it is the obvious lack of them. I used to think that if I were ever in a Castaway (Tom Hanks) situation that I would be okay. That I would LOVE the serenity and after the initial shock of being alone I would probably be just fine alone w/ God in a beautiful place. Not that I wouldn't get lonely; just that I would be okay. Get myself a monkey! Or a Wilson! But after the first couple of days here, surrounded by hundreds of people but feeling so alone, I wondered if I would not be okay at all (as a Castaway). Finally at lunch I ran into a dear friend that was actually a part of my 'hang out' group last year. I yelled his name and we hugged... I said, "Man I could seriously cry just seeing you." He said, "I know, right?! I feel the same way!" He has been here since July w/ none of the close friends around and has not yet made intimate friends. It's tough, it's harder than it should be sometimes. We talked about what it feels like here and the adjustment.
I am totally confident that I will have dear friends here this year. I am confident that God will bring true fellowship. I'm not concerned about that; although I was before coming honestly. It's just the 'meantime.'
Yesterday I was in my room and one of our remaining staff called me and came to my room. She was on campus and was intentional about coming by to love on me and let me know that she is here for me. She is a saint and someone I know I can go to when things become rough. She is younger than my mother but just by a number of years. She is gentle and calm. Today we have a date for coffee.
Yesterday evening I ate dinner on campus and then went out w/ a group that will be on our staff team. Oh, my goodness, these kids are all so young. They are all in their 20's for the very most part. It's great, they are full of life. I did, I confess, feel like an outsider. They were not at ALL noninclusive- it was just that they all know each other from their own SBS. They were in the same class so they had the stories and inside jokes that come from spending 9 intense months in the trenches together. They explained and were kind- but I realized it will take awhile before we have our own stories and ties that bind. We have all signed up for two years of service to the SBS so I am confident we will grow to love each other dearly. It's just, again, the adjustment period.
I'm also grieving my Mom a bit. I tear just writing it. I am incredibly blessed in my relationship with my Mother. She truly is my best friend and we discuss everything. I had the spoiled blessing of skyping with her almost every morning while I was home. Now our time difference is exactly 12 hours apart so timing is tricky and with the new schedule I won't get that daily dose of processing and sharing. You know everything is better when you can run it by Mom! Thank You, God, for that precious relationship. Love you, Mama.
I appreciate any and all prayers for this adjustment time. We start staff training tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I start my job in the evenings (chatting w/ pregnant gals who need resources and options) a week from tomorrow...so it is starting! It's all kicking into gear.
Thank you, guys, for everything. For your prayers and for caring. Bless all your buns!
