I don't know if you believe in Miracles... but I do.
I know not all of my friends believe in God, in Jesus Christ, and I get that. I love it best when even though we don't see eye to eye on what we believe we can be in relationship. Most often it seems to me that those I know who don't believe- want to- they just haven't been given the evidence they want to fully embrace what I know as Truth or perhaps were 'burned' somehow in the past and I get that, too. It sucks... I'm sorry on behalf of all those who failed you or contributed to a hurt in your life that has kept you from the freedom and blessings I know. Even in suffering.
These last couple of months have been rough for me. My perspective is straight- it could have been worse. I am not dying in pain, losing any limbs, vision, or getting chemo. But I have started praying harder for those who are! However, my suffering has been valid- and through it I have seen such grace. I just don't know how I could have done it without God's comfort and your prayers. I sincerely don't believe I could have.
I want to tell you how good God is, and how miraculously personal He is.
When my health crashed- everything halted. It's amazing how unimportant things become. Who cares if I showered, what my hair looks like, if I'm wearing make-up. I just want to feel good. Not even good, just okay. Just enough to function. Hour after hour watching the clock- recording what hour you took which supplement. Waiting for it to kick in. Counting the time it starts to wear off before taking the next one. The anxiety about taking too much, not enough, and anything at all. I don't ever want to forget these things because someone somewhere is living it right now...and they need our love, concern, attention, and prayers.
I have moved from suffering to functioning and it is NO SMALL THING. It is life.
When my health crashed so did my future. Everything planned was up in the air with a ton of questions. What is God doing, allowing, wanting to teach me? When will I be okay? When will I be able to get home to my doctors? What does this mean for Sept? (when the next school starts) It was obvious that my only goal was to get healthy and everything else goes on the back burner. Period. My thoughts and prayers for Sept. had been to live alone. For my sanity and introvert qualities I knew I needed to find a quiet place. Living in community is awesome but it takes its toll. So in my prayers I would always ask that whatever it was would be 'too good to be true.' I had learned years ago with the purchase of my truck that God doesn't just concern Himself with what we need, but what we want as well. So I was praying big- that it would be affordable, beautiful, just... too good to be true. Better than I could get for myself.
I left Kona not knowing if I would be back in Sept. I made a two year commitment to staff and served only one- but I knew that my health would be priority. I also asked God to make it Absolutely Clear what He would have me do- because if there is one thing I have learned it is that being in the center of His will is the BEST place to be and I don't ever want to be anywhere else! He told me He was, 'shifting gears and that I needed to trust Him.' *sigh* Okay. This is where it gets tricky to express the magnitude of what He has done and make it brief enough that you aren't reading all day. Because I could give details, friends.
I kept praying that whatever would happen would be completely by His hand, so that I would know it was Him and not me. So that I would KNOW that it was His will. As you may or may not remember- I work in the evenings online chatting with girls who are pregnant and seeking services in their area and considering their options. This is a great job. It paid for my portion of the rent last year and I always thought it would be the greatest thing to do this full time. But, I am fortunate for the few hours I do get to do it. My boss for this job (shout out, Kathy!) is such a blessing. She and her prayer group have been praying for my health. What an absolute blessing to have people you have never met praying for you.
A couple of things have come up that I could do. One in Kona, one here, and each time I heard the Lord ask me, "Leah... is this too good to be true?" I would think, then answer, "No. It's really not." Then I would have peace about not doing that thing. I trusted Him to answer my prayer. Finally, and again, details are being left out for time, I thought I should email my boss and just let her know what I was thinking. I mean, what if they would consider me- but know how busy I was and think I wouldn't consider more hours with them. I didn't want to email, because I didn't want to step out in front of God. I asked that whatever it would be would come from HIM. But... I really felt the pull to email. So, I did. It was a poorly written email with much hemming and hawing. My boss, emailed me back the next morning. Kathy had a need of her own. She had needed help with the Live Chat for over a year. She had shared with her prayer group that she really needed God to hand her the right person. Just... hand them to her on a silver platter. Her prayers were big as well. She said, 'she dared to whisper' that 'if Leah could stay in Ca. and work for her' that it would be... well, my words, too good to be true. She thought it "too selfish" a request. So, the prayer team prayed and asked that 'if it be God's will- it would come from Leah' and there I was, emailing her for just that. The possibility of working for her more. We both laughed and cried in awe of God
Why is this such a miracle?
He roused both of our hearts with the same desire- at the same time- both thinking it wasn't possible because it was too perfect.
I get to work from home; so my body doesn't have the stress of getting anywhere by a certain time.
Even on 'migraine days' I hope to be able to function in this way.
I sold my truck for medical bills- but I don't need a car to show up for work.
This is the most 'missional part' of what I used to do. It is the most 'man on the street' aspect.
AND it will give me benefits!! (Can I get a HUGE AMEN?!!)
When I realized- ugh even now I tear. When I realized this all, I literally fell on my face weeping- because it was absolutely- 'too good to be true.'
This is a miracle. I know some of you won't think so; but I'm telling you it is. It is so perfectly orchestrated in ways my boss and I could never- WOULD never have thought possible. The timing, the way it meets both of our needs. The details in which it meets the needs of my health. God is at work both in us and for us. He is able, MORE than able, to accomplish ALL that concerns us. He is WILLING to meet us and be real with us. He is WANTING to give generously to us, His children. He goes before us on our behalf in ways we cannot and would not know to go. He is generous. He is REAL.
His ways are not our ways and you may have had suffering or abuse that causes you to say, "Yeah, where was He when I was suffering? When that person did that to me? When my loved one suffered and died?" HE WAS THERE. I'm telling you, HE WAS THERE. And it hurt Him, every bit the amount it hurt you. He does not enjoy our suffering. He does not sit back and think punishing thoughts like, "Oh, well. He/She deserves it." That thought process is an earthly mentality from people and experiences you have known and it is from the pit of hell. I rebuke it now, in Jesus name, and PRAY that you will receive some truth from this silly attempt to express what I know to be true.
God loves you.
He really does.
He's not hung up on your crap- you are.
I have done everything wrong in my life. Seriously, everything.
He doesn't care. He's over it. It's me that is working it out in my heart and mind.
He is blessing my socks off, because He can. Because He wants to.
It is not an inconvenience for Him to care for me and provide for me.
So He does. Why? Because I ask Him to. I trust Him to. Big Time.
Because I believe that Jesus Christ was who He said He was- and I say so. (Romans 10:9)
That's it. That's all. Romans 10:9
Whew... didn't realize it was going to turn into all that- but I prayed before I started typing so I can say with absolute confidence that if you are moved, as I am, that God was speaking directly to YOU today. These words, this movement, has been of His Spirit because of Who He is... not me.
That's how He does it, folks. Because He loves you.
