Well, spoiler alert...this will not be my most uplifting blog- so- tune out now if you don't really want to know how I'm doing...
I admit it- today I am depressed. My body has been a bit wiggy this week, but today I actually left class to come back and crash. I can handle a lot- God must think so because He sure allows it to pile up in my life. I'm not sure people realize the level of stress that comes with this course- and if I hear one more person say how 'great' it must be in Hawaii I may spit. Yes, Hawaii is amazing. Yes, it would be wonderful to live here...but I live in a book. I have had about 3 full days in "Hawaii" and they have been FANTASTIC and beyond needed. Praise You, God... seriously. Sometimes, when stress becomes too much- my body decides to shut down on me. I have had some warning signs all week- but today came the anxiety and shaky weak body.
In 2008 I suffered a health crash- I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. The stress in my life at that time was through the roof and my body said, 'enough.' It has taken all of these last-wow- 5 years to build my body back to wellness. I am intentional about what I eat, how active I am, my sleep. I stretch it sometimes like anyone, but for the most part I am truly intentional about wellness. Supplements, diet, you name it. The one thing I am missing here is exercise, but if you saw the campus you'd see I am not completely without that. Natural stair steppers and cardio built in :) Still I think it would be healthy to find a way of working something in. But my point is- when stress becomes too much, my body is easily depleted of what it takes to maintain and... I crash. Yesterday I seriously, without exaggeration had a moment where I thought I might lose my mind. Actually- lose my mind. It was scary. The thing is- you can't just quit. Homework is due at a certain hour and you can't just say- 'okay- I need to be done now.' If you don't complete your assignment it's an automatic D...so... yeah, um. NO. That happened to me once last quarter- it was the biggest assignment we had and I spent days and days- hours on it... I didn't quite finish... I got a D. Ugh. So much work. So my body is rebelling a bit-
I'm worried- I know... we shouldn't worry- but I am worried about money. I am concerned about the IRS taking my refund this year to go towards my ex husbands fiasco- if they do, I will literally have no money of my own anywhere. I took half of my retirement to pay for the first quarter of this school, by God's grace and the hair of my chinny chin chin the second quarter was paid for- shout out to my Mom and Dolpy for bailing the tail end out- Now 3rd quarter is around the corner and IF we are going on outreach- which I will do if the money is there and I won't if it's not- they need an additional $2000. deposit for that by the end of this quarter. Outreach is to teach underground pastors in China how to study the bible. When I asked God if I was supposed to go (this is the only course where outreach is optional) He answered, "Why would I not want you to go?" So... I need to see some serious miracles. I have less than $100. combined my checking and savings accounts. I am looking at ways to reduce my expenses, of course, but some things are just what they are- and it is hard for me to not be "earning." It's in my blood. Ironic. In some ways I am working harder than I ever have...and yet... I am paying them. hehe. Kingdom work is more expensive it seems- but so rewarding when you see the one life touched or changed.
I want to hear clearly from God. I'm all boggled.
I want a plan. I want to know the direction. I'm stressed out and tired. Second quarter is barely under way and Isaiah is next week, LORD HAVE MERCY!! I want someone to come and hold me. I'm tired of being strong and so often getting screwed. My big computer quit working, I pray I don't lose everything on it. I want to punch my ex in the nose because he got me into the IRS fix and he could fix my computer, but I will be dad gummed if I'm going there.
Please don't think I don't know how blessed I am.
I would never have made it here without favor. I have food, a bed, a shower, on Sunday's I get to sit at the ocean with Jesus. I am blessed. But I feel alone. I know I'm not- Jesus is so with me. I know He is sufficient- but He doesn't hold me in the evening. I've never really had a partner. My mom is my partner. Thanks, Mom...but she can't carry it all. She shouldn't have to.
I know you can hear how twisted I am. I can too, and I'm sorry. But I am not going to hide this journey from you. I WILL NOT be false. I am struggling...and next week will be better. I just... don't see how God is going to pull all of this off. I know that HOW is really none of my business- my business is to focus on Him- I'm trying. I'm trying to be content. But money freaks me out and when my body gives in...trouble. I know it's attack- I put on my armor, I pray the prayers. But I'm human.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
2nd quarter begins...
Hey, guys!
Just wanted to try to keep up a bit so a ton of time doesn't go by and then it's a super long blog ;)
What a tough couple of days. I have really been trying to maintain the whole 'content' attitude, but I swear, it's being tested!! Of course, right?
Campus has the highest number of students ever again this quarter and I think they must be 'still learning' how to deal with us all. A couple of times they have run out of food and they'll serve corn dogs or the same thing they served for lunch... When you consider that it's not like we have a ton of food in our rooms to eat it's frustrating. Most of us do keep some food, cup of noodles has become my comfort food... SO BAD. I NEVER ate cup of noodles at home!!! I have taken to boiling eggs just to get 6 grams of protein here and there. Praise you, God- makes you grateful to have food at all, seriously.
We have started the Prophets and it feels like starting completely over. It's a language I do not speak and a way of thinking I do not follow. It's interesting to always think of yourself one way- and then realize when you are challenged that you are not that person at all! I always thought I was pretty easy going... um, no. I am a detail person!!! Oh my gosh.... I cannot let go... I need to get every detail right and that is just not possible. It's not like stocking a shelf, man....it's... so draining. I went to my grader 3 times today for the one paper I was working on. Even in the end she said, "It's decent. It is, but I think you will want to make some changes after doing the next part of your work." Ugh. Now, mind you- this is the sweetest woman... but MAN!! I just was NOT getting it. Needless to say there have already been tears of frustration this quarter... 4 days in. I find myself wanting to escape and that is just not possible. Last quarter I was still living on some of my own money so I went down for a burger sometimes...I have to be so much more careful now. I am down to the lowest amounts I have seen in my accounts in a loooong time and it's...scary. How do I pay for my vitamins, how do I pay for my phone? How will You cover 3rd quarter, Lord? What is my part? Am I going on outreach?? So I went to be with Jesus by the water last night. Such an amazing thing to be able to go to this gorgeous sunset and speak with the creator of it all. I cried, I told Him I was worried. He told me not to be. He brought me here..."Look where you ARE." I know...I know! I remember very clearly being in the pit at the end of my marriage and so stressed I seriously couldn't see straight. I was on my face in prayer fervently asking..."Just get me to Kona, Lord. Just get me to Kona." I just knew that everything would turn around here. I just knew that everything would align and start to make sense. Much has...for sure. But I still don't know what comes next and that really takes its toll. How I love a plan. When did I become such a control freak? Maybe the question is, when did I grow up? I just need to realize that I can be content in all circumstances. He won't let me go without what I truly need. He has never failed me. I think to myself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' I suppose the worst thing that could happen would be I would have to move home and get a job. Not do the full blown missionary thing. People do it. I've done it. I may do it again. If that is the worst thing... ok. But I am going to try my best to walk this out. Make an impact. I have good friends who have done this for years, I realize now what cajones of steel they have to live on support as missionaries. Whitlers, Aaron, Sustars, Hodges... you guys are badasses. I commend you for the years you have walked out your faith in Trust for His provision and all you have seen Him accomplish through you as a result. I admire you. I appreciate your example in my life.
Please pray for us! We are going, full steam ahead. Pray for supernatural understanding and ability. That God's purpose for this learning would be accomplished. Pray that we would not be distracted or seek unhealthy ways of coping. That we would be loving to one another through the stress. And for money...for all of us...for support. For His will to be done. For lives to be changed. Thank you so much.
Just wanted to try to keep up a bit so a ton of time doesn't go by and then it's a super long blog ;)
What a tough couple of days. I have really been trying to maintain the whole 'content' attitude, but I swear, it's being tested!! Of course, right?
Campus has the highest number of students ever again this quarter and I think they must be 'still learning' how to deal with us all. A couple of times they have run out of food and they'll serve corn dogs or the same thing they served for lunch... When you consider that it's not like we have a ton of food in our rooms to eat it's frustrating. Most of us do keep some food, cup of noodles has become my comfort food... SO BAD. I NEVER ate cup of noodles at home!!! I have taken to boiling eggs just to get 6 grams of protein here and there. Praise you, God- makes you grateful to have food at all, seriously.
We have started the Prophets and it feels like starting completely over. It's a language I do not speak and a way of thinking I do not follow. It's interesting to always think of yourself one way- and then realize when you are challenged that you are not that person at all! I always thought I was pretty easy going... um, no. I am a detail person!!! Oh my gosh.... I cannot let go... I need to get every detail right and that is just not possible. It's not like stocking a shelf, man....it's... so draining. I went to my grader 3 times today for the one paper I was working on. Even in the end she said, "It's decent. It is, but I think you will want to make some changes after doing the next part of your work." Ugh. Now, mind you- this is the sweetest woman... but MAN!! I just was NOT getting it. Needless to say there have already been tears of frustration this quarter... 4 days in. I find myself wanting to escape and that is just not possible. Last quarter I was still living on some of my own money so I went down for a burger sometimes...I have to be so much more careful now. I am down to the lowest amounts I have seen in my accounts in a loooong time and it's...scary. How do I pay for my vitamins, how do I pay for my phone? How will You cover 3rd quarter, Lord? What is my part? Am I going on outreach?? So I went to be with Jesus by the water last night. Such an amazing thing to be able to go to this gorgeous sunset and speak with the creator of it all. I cried, I told Him I was worried. He told me not to be. He brought me here..."Look where you ARE." I know...I know! I remember very clearly being in the pit at the end of my marriage and so stressed I seriously couldn't see straight. I was on my face in prayer fervently asking..."Just get me to Kona, Lord. Just get me to Kona." I just knew that everything would turn around here. I just knew that everything would align and start to make sense. Much has...for sure. But I still don't know what comes next and that really takes its toll. How I love a plan. When did I become such a control freak? Maybe the question is, when did I grow up? I just need to realize that I can be content in all circumstances. He won't let me go without what I truly need. He has never failed me. I think to myself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' I suppose the worst thing that could happen would be I would have to move home and get a job. Not do the full blown missionary thing. People do it. I've done it. I may do it again. If that is the worst thing... ok. But I am going to try my best to walk this out. Make an impact. I have good friends who have done this for years, I realize now what cajones of steel they have to live on support as missionaries. Whitlers, Aaron, Sustars, Hodges... you guys are badasses. I commend you for the years you have walked out your faith in Trust for His provision and all you have seen Him accomplish through you as a result. I admire you. I appreciate your example in my life.
Please pray for us! We are going, full steam ahead. Pray for supernatural understanding and ability. That God's purpose for this learning would be accomplished. Pray that we would not be distracted or seek unhealthy ways of coping. That we would be loving to one another through the stress. And for money...for all of us...for support. For His will to be done. For lives to be changed. Thank you so much.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
To Sin and Back again...story of our lives
I hate it when I have SO much to say. Who wants to read a really long blog? Not me. I love the person, but wrap it up already, hehe. So I pray this isn't too, too long. :)
GOD IS SO AMAZING. See, I could stop there. But... for the sake of glorifying Him, I won't...
I got to come home for Christmas. It was such an amazing miracle- God basically showed me that He will send support from area's and people I would NEVER have imagined. He roused the heart and mind of an 'ex' enemy to buy me a plane ticket home. At first, I didn't even trust it- but God spoke and all was well. So cool... Hallelujah! It has been so sweet, my mom and step dad are both here from the Netherlands and I haven't had a holiday with both of them in I don't know how many years.
Home is a trip. The first couple of days I couldn't even unwind- it was like I still had the mentality that 'if I sit still too long it will cost me.' Ah, the ever stressful weight of homework... just...gone. Weird. It has flown by and I am headed back to school in two days- but I have been handling some business and dealing with some old demons. Try going to the IRS office the last week of the year, not fun- only to be told there is no one who can help you working and have to come back... on the very last day of the year!! Oh, Lord have mercy.
I have been dealing with some brokenness. At first I thought it was great to be home and then I wondered if it was the best thing, actually. It's easy to slip into old behaviors, old patterns. I can do it anywhere, it is a heart issue- but being home with all of the old fixes readily available makes it easier to fail. I have had some failures. Whether others realize it or not, I have. I know I have and God knows I have. I wonder how I can be so conflicted inside- how I can be this totally committed mission minded sold out lover of Jesus Christ and a rotten minded, lover of the flesh, lazy fool at the same time. Last night I went to bed wondering what is seriously wrong with me. I've been asking Him for quite some time to help me in my struggles, to reveal to me how to go about changing. School is so intense that it hasn't healed me of any of my wounds, it makes me seek the old fixes to deal with it. Baaaad mindset. You can't 'be good enough' you can't 'fight hard enough' to ignore brokenness. It is there, around every corner until you call it by name, look it in the eye and address it. Period. End of story- there are no short cuts to healing or deliverance. So last night, I felt so empty. I felt like, 'how am I supposed to go and tell others? Be used, when I feel so distant from You, God?' He has been with me. He has done miraculous things- but like drugs- when you first get a fix of Him, it's such a high- then with time it takes more and more of Him to reach that same high. Soon, if you are not completely plugged into the source you won't get the high. You just go through the motions of using- without the same results.
This morning I had a dream. It was so brief and so complete.
A skinny homeless woman was walking across the back yard here at home. She was 'cutting through'. She walked confidently- but like she knew what she was doing was wrong. I was so irritated at the injustice, my first instinct was to call the police and let her face the consequences of her choice. Justice.
She had a brown sweatshirt with a quilt patterned Mickey Mouse head on it with frayed ears. I asked God, "What does it mean, Lord? What does it symbolize?"
DISCONTENTMENT.
Everything in that moment was clear in my soul. (It doesn't have to make sense to you, the dream was for me.) Her sin- what she knowingly did in the wrong- was from her discontentment. She acted out of that place of brokenness instead of being content and doing things right. She took a detour, a short cut.
She was me.
The Mickey Mouse head represented Disneyland. The perfect place (to me), always wanting to be there, to escape. To be someplace other than where I am. It's all me. Discontent. Sinning out of that discontentment. Justice is what was required but mercy was given. I felt so much grace, so much forgiveness. I have been asking and asking God what was so wrong with me- I knew it was something- and I didn't know how to focus on what could change it... now I do. Here is my prayer from my journal this morning...sin aside.
God, Daddy...thank You SO MUCH for Your mercy. Thank You for showing me where I am broken. I have been wondering and struggling so greatly. I was afraid this sin was my thorn- I am so grateful that You have revealed to me the source of my sin. I'm not crazy or bad. I'm discontent. I know now how great a problem this is- and I will work on it. Change me. Holy Spirit. Reveal to me when I am acting out of discontentment and ...oh...I'm so excited!! This changes everything. EVERYTHING!! Complaining, flexibility... I could not be more grateful this morning- more humbled- more restored.
God has spared me justice and granted me mercy. I am so unworthy of Your love, God. I am so unworthy of your grace. Last night I was so lost, disconnected, and this morning- by Your Provision and grace; with one swift movement of a dream- You reveal my brokenness and aim for fixing it.
I'm going back to school with a new perspective. This quarter has to be different. Please pray for us, as our Joy has been opposed. Our Sabbaths have been robbed, and I HAVE to learn how to get my ipod to work w/ my new itunes account so I can WORSHIP MY SOCKS OFF!!! I need it!!! Also for financial support. Second quarter fees are due upon my return and I am still in need of about $1200. I trust Him. He did, after all, rouse the heart and mind of an ex enemy- what might He do through those I am blessed to be loved by?
I love you guys, I appreciate you.
Father bless my friends, bless all who read these words. May Your Spirit reveal to theirs what you would have them know thru them. Glorify thy name, Lord...please... receive Your glory. ICJN.
GOD IS SO AMAZING. See, I could stop there. But... for the sake of glorifying Him, I won't...
I got to come home for Christmas. It was such an amazing miracle- God basically showed me that He will send support from area's and people I would NEVER have imagined. He roused the heart and mind of an 'ex' enemy to buy me a plane ticket home. At first, I didn't even trust it- but God spoke and all was well. So cool... Hallelujah! It has been so sweet, my mom and step dad are both here from the Netherlands and I haven't had a holiday with both of them in I don't know how many years.
Home is a trip. The first couple of days I couldn't even unwind- it was like I still had the mentality that 'if I sit still too long it will cost me.' Ah, the ever stressful weight of homework... just...gone. Weird. It has flown by and I am headed back to school in two days- but I have been handling some business and dealing with some old demons. Try going to the IRS office the last week of the year, not fun- only to be told there is no one who can help you working and have to come back... on the very last day of the year!! Oh, Lord have mercy.
I have been dealing with some brokenness. At first I thought it was great to be home and then I wondered if it was the best thing, actually. It's easy to slip into old behaviors, old patterns. I can do it anywhere, it is a heart issue- but being home with all of the old fixes readily available makes it easier to fail. I have had some failures. Whether others realize it or not, I have. I know I have and God knows I have. I wonder how I can be so conflicted inside- how I can be this totally committed mission minded sold out lover of Jesus Christ and a rotten minded, lover of the flesh, lazy fool at the same time. Last night I went to bed wondering what is seriously wrong with me. I've been asking Him for quite some time to help me in my struggles, to reveal to me how to go about changing. School is so intense that it hasn't healed me of any of my wounds, it makes me seek the old fixes to deal with it. Baaaad mindset. You can't 'be good enough' you can't 'fight hard enough' to ignore brokenness. It is there, around every corner until you call it by name, look it in the eye and address it. Period. End of story- there are no short cuts to healing or deliverance. So last night, I felt so empty. I felt like, 'how am I supposed to go and tell others? Be used, when I feel so distant from You, God?' He has been with me. He has done miraculous things- but like drugs- when you first get a fix of Him, it's such a high- then with time it takes more and more of Him to reach that same high. Soon, if you are not completely plugged into the source you won't get the high. You just go through the motions of using- without the same results.
This morning I had a dream. It was so brief and so complete.
A skinny homeless woman was walking across the back yard here at home. She was 'cutting through'. She walked confidently- but like she knew what she was doing was wrong. I was so irritated at the injustice, my first instinct was to call the police and let her face the consequences of her choice. Justice.
She had a brown sweatshirt with a quilt patterned Mickey Mouse head on it with frayed ears. I asked God, "What does it mean, Lord? What does it symbolize?"
DISCONTENTMENT.
Everything in that moment was clear in my soul. (It doesn't have to make sense to you, the dream was for me.) Her sin- what she knowingly did in the wrong- was from her discontentment. She acted out of that place of brokenness instead of being content and doing things right. She took a detour, a short cut.
She was me.
The Mickey Mouse head represented Disneyland. The perfect place (to me), always wanting to be there, to escape. To be someplace other than where I am. It's all me. Discontent. Sinning out of that discontentment. Justice is what was required but mercy was given. I felt so much grace, so much forgiveness. I have been asking and asking God what was so wrong with me- I knew it was something- and I didn't know how to focus on what could change it... now I do. Here is my prayer from my journal this morning...sin aside.
God, Daddy...thank You SO MUCH for Your mercy. Thank You for showing me where I am broken. I have been wondering and struggling so greatly. I was afraid this sin was my thorn- I am so grateful that You have revealed to me the source of my sin. I'm not crazy or bad. I'm discontent. I know now how great a problem this is- and I will work on it. Change me. Holy Spirit. Reveal to me when I am acting out of discontentment and ...oh...I'm so excited!! This changes everything. EVERYTHING!! Complaining, flexibility... I could not be more grateful this morning- more humbled- more restored.
God has spared me justice and granted me mercy. I am so unworthy of Your love, God. I am so unworthy of your grace. Last night I was so lost, disconnected, and this morning- by Your Provision and grace; with one swift movement of a dream- You reveal my brokenness and aim for fixing it.
I'm going back to school with a new perspective. This quarter has to be different. Please pray for us, as our Joy has been opposed. Our Sabbaths have been robbed, and I HAVE to learn how to get my ipod to work w/ my new itunes account so I can WORSHIP MY SOCKS OFF!!! I need it!!! Also for financial support. Second quarter fees are due upon my return and I am still in need of about $1200. I trust Him. He did, after all, rouse the heart and mind of an ex enemy- what might He do through those I am blessed to be loved by?
I love you guys, I appreciate you.
Father bless my friends, bless all who read these words. May Your Spirit reveal to theirs what you would have them know thru them. Glorify thy name, Lord...please... receive Your glory. ICJN.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Happiest Thanksgiving
Well I am sorry it has been a bit since my last post! Crazy, crazy...
I have a couple miracles to tell you about- one is not yet my story to tell, but I will say that God is at work and blowing my mind...I look forward to giving you the details of that one as soon as I am able... but it ties into the second one in a way... the message God is driving home to me this last week is how totally in control He really is. For someone who has control issues (I am NOT in denial about that and have gotten so much better over the years!) it is hard to trust and 'let go.'
Tuesday evening I was working in the library; one of the only places I can find where it is quiet to work. It was about 9:15pm and my phone rang. Nothing like the sound of the Pirates of the Caribbean singing "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Pirate's life for me!" at top ringer volume in the middle of a silent library. I grabbed my phone and saw a California number. I didn't recognize it but I answered as soon as possible just to get it to stop ringing!! "Hello?" I said softly and hopefully not to the annoyance of anyone else in the library. I was rushing towards the door to get outside so I couldn't tune in well to the voice on the other end saying, "Helloooooo, Leaaaaah." "Hi," I said totally unaware of who I was speaking to. "This is Aunt Annette." I was so thrilled- and surprised! "HI!!" I said meaning it this time.... "what are you doing calling me so late?( I was thinking after the time change there it should be around 11:15pm there) Are you okay?!!" I had just had a dream of her two nights earlier, so instantly I was wondering if something was wrong... "Actually, it's not that late," she responded..."We are on your time. We are in Hawaii." WHAT?!!! "That is sooo great, where in Hawaii?" "We are in Kona." I about fell over. No joke, "What?! What?! You're in Kona? Where in Kona? Do I get to see you???" I could barely get the words out quick enough. "Well, what are you doing for Thanksgiving we would like to take you to dinner." I could not respond. I went into that deep silent cry that has no sound. She must have thought she lost me... I tried to make some sound so she would know I was still there...but I just couldn't speak.
It's amazing to me how God not only knows what we need, but He provides it without even being asked. There was no part of me that thought I would ever, ever see Family here, let alone on Thanksgiving Day!! It was unbelievable!
They came to the campus around 2:45pm. I was out standing on a huge lava rock on the Hwy. so they would see me and not miss the turn. Straight out of a movie I watched every car passing not knowing which car would be their rental. Then a car slowed in the distance and I heard the horn start honking. Hooooonk! honk honk hooooooonk! My arms flew straight up into the air and I jumped up and down like a child. I jumped off the rock. I wonder if I have ever been happier to see two people. hehe. Huge hug from Aunt Annette and a quick jump into the backseat to take them through the gate and onto campus. We went up to my dorm room. "Oh, Leah," Aunt Annette said as we walked on the Lanai, "these are so nice." I had to grin and say, 'okay...' because I knew we were about to walk into the room and it would be a different story! We were not two steps in the door when her sweet face changed, "Oh, Leah..." she said again and we both started laughing. Immediately upon walking in you see four beds, there are two in a loft upstairs you cannot see, but 6 women in one flat is quite a bit. "I couldn't do it," she said, "I just couldn't do it." I really appreciated hearing that because it has been the most character stretching thing for me as well. I love my roommates, I really do. I am so blessed by them, but hey, it's not easy. You have to respect when someone else is sleeping or trying to work. When they need in the bathroom and when they need to cook. Others actually come into our room and always comment on how nice it is, but it is because we are older and tidy :)
I showed them around, it took about 10 steps, and the bathroom. "Oh, Leah... one bathroom for 6 girls?" I didn't dare tell her we may get 2 more roommates next quarter! (ugh) I explained the ONE spot on the shower handle where it MUST be in order to get hot water. Not one smidge to the left or right or you will have cold water and tonight is actually the first time I have ever had truly hot water! Praise You, Jesus!! Really makes you appreciate the ability to take a shower at all!
I showed them my homework, what we actually do. It felt so good to show someone and explain what is required. To tell them how long it takes and how it flows. They saw Ohana court, which is a basketball court and covered area where we have services that is right below our window... Aunt Annette recalled a mission trip to the Philippines that they had taken where they were above a basketball court and how difficult it was to sleep with just a bouncing basket ball. It felt so good to have someone understand. It felt so good just to have them here, standing in my room, seeing where I live.
We left for the restaurant and it was right down the hill. It was an absolutely wonderful dinner on the water. It was cool and even sprinkled a bit, but in Hawaii that is just fun. It was cloudy but Aunt Annette wanted to see the sun set. Who doesn't! So I shot an arrow prayer up, "Oh, Lord, please let the sun come out of the clouds for her. She's so good." Sure enough when there was only about 10 minutes left before the sun would set, the clouds parted on the horizon and the huge red sun was visible with just a picture perfect cloud strand in front of it. The sun set never gets old here, and it is amazing how quickly it appears to move when it is that close to the horizon. It takes what seems to be no time at all to disappear. It was gorgeous, and so generous of our Father.
I felt so honored to be with them. To express to them, again, who they are to me and who they have never failed to be. Jim and Annette King have been married for almost 40 years. They are the true example in my life of what a marriage can and should look like. They genuinely like each other! They love each other and laugh and touch. He honors her and compliments her. She calls him "James" (and babe) when everyone else calls him Jim. I love it.
After dinner we drove and walked. I thought they would take me back but we lingered in each other's presence and it was so, so wonderful. We had ice cream and conversation. We laughed and remembered. We had true conversation that I will not repeat here, and aren't those the good ones? It was very possibly the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. Who would have thunk it?
They dropped me off with hugs and prayer. I got all choked up as I waved good bye. I haven't had a night in a long time that I didn't want to end, and I treasured each bit of it throughout.
I didn't ask God for family on Thanksgiving. But He knew how badly I needed them. I didn't ask Him to validate all I'm doing here... but He did that, too. I didn't ask Him to send two of my favorite people on the planet to love on me, but He did. Think how much more, then, He will give when I ask. He cares SO MUCH about me. Me.. lil ol me. He is right here, right now, as I type. He is in me, for me, and working it all out for my good.
I have been...concerned...about how school is going to be paid. How my LIFE will be paid if I am a full blown missionary. I have the pride that needs to die a full death. But He is showing me... I've got it. "You don't even know where I will send provision from." You don't know how it will show up or where it will come from. Which angle or why. He's got me, He's really, really got me. Damn my lack of trust to the deepest pit of hell!!! My Daddy LOVES ME!!! and He's GOT ME!!! He loves me. He's got me.
I am preparing my end of year newsletter dealie bob. I have never done one, so please pray for me. I don't have Microsoft Publisher but I am trying to figure it out somehow. Pray I get time to write it and that I say what needs to be said and don't waste time saying what doesn't. Pray for the hearts and minds of those who are called to support me monthly to be touched... I don't have many monthly supporters, 3 actually, and it is so hard to ask for that. I wish I could express how much it means to me that people give gifts. I wish I could say I don't need them. I wish money never needed to be mentioned- ever.
Thanks for reading...sorry it was so long. I appreciate you guys, I really do. ICJN, Leah
I have a couple miracles to tell you about- one is not yet my story to tell, but I will say that God is at work and blowing my mind...I look forward to giving you the details of that one as soon as I am able... but it ties into the second one in a way... the message God is driving home to me this last week is how totally in control He really is. For someone who has control issues (I am NOT in denial about that and have gotten so much better over the years!) it is hard to trust and 'let go.'
Tuesday evening I was working in the library; one of the only places I can find where it is quiet to work. It was about 9:15pm and my phone rang. Nothing like the sound of the Pirates of the Caribbean singing "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Pirate's life for me!" at top ringer volume in the middle of a silent library. I grabbed my phone and saw a California number. I didn't recognize it but I answered as soon as possible just to get it to stop ringing!! "Hello?" I said softly and hopefully not to the annoyance of anyone else in the library. I was rushing towards the door to get outside so I couldn't tune in well to the voice on the other end saying, "Helloooooo, Leaaaaah." "Hi," I said totally unaware of who I was speaking to. "This is Aunt Annette." I was so thrilled- and surprised! "HI!!" I said meaning it this time.... "what are you doing calling me so late?( I was thinking after the time change there it should be around 11:15pm there) Are you okay?!!" I had just had a dream of her two nights earlier, so instantly I was wondering if something was wrong... "Actually, it's not that late," she responded..."We are on your time. We are in Hawaii." WHAT?!!! "That is sooo great, where in Hawaii?" "We are in Kona." I about fell over. No joke, "What?! What?! You're in Kona? Where in Kona? Do I get to see you???" I could barely get the words out quick enough. "Well, what are you doing for Thanksgiving we would like to take you to dinner." I could not respond. I went into that deep silent cry that has no sound. She must have thought she lost me... I tried to make some sound so she would know I was still there...but I just couldn't speak.
It's amazing to me how God not only knows what we need, but He provides it without even being asked. There was no part of me that thought I would ever, ever see Family here, let alone on Thanksgiving Day!! It was unbelievable!
They came to the campus around 2:45pm. I was out standing on a huge lava rock on the Hwy. so they would see me and not miss the turn. Straight out of a movie I watched every car passing not knowing which car would be their rental. Then a car slowed in the distance and I heard the horn start honking. Hooooonk! honk honk hooooooonk! My arms flew straight up into the air and I jumped up and down like a child. I jumped off the rock. I wonder if I have ever been happier to see two people. hehe. Huge hug from Aunt Annette and a quick jump into the backseat to take them through the gate and onto campus. We went up to my dorm room. "Oh, Leah," Aunt Annette said as we walked on the Lanai, "these are so nice." I had to grin and say, 'okay...' because I knew we were about to walk into the room and it would be a different story! We were not two steps in the door when her sweet face changed, "Oh, Leah..." she said again and we both started laughing. Immediately upon walking in you see four beds, there are two in a loft upstairs you cannot see, but 6 women in one flat is quite a bit. "I couldn't do it," she said, "I just couldn't do it." I really appreciated hearing that because it has been the most character stretching thing for me as well. I love my roommates, I really do. I am so blessed by them, but hey, it's not easy. You have to respect when someone else is sleeping or trying to work. When they need in the bathroom and when they need to cook. Others actually come into our room and always comment on how nice it is, but it is because we are older and tidy :)
I showed them around, it took about 10 steps, and the bathroom. "Oh, Leah... one bathroom for 6 girls?" I didn't dare tell her we may get 2 more roommates next quarter! (ugh) I explained the ONE spot on the shower handle where it MUST be in order to get hot water. Not one smidge to the left or right or you will have cold water and tonight is actually the first time I have ever had truly hot water! Praise You, Jesus!! Really makes you appreciate the ability to take a shower at all!
I showed them my homework, what we actually do. It felt so good to show someone and explain what is required. To tell them how long it takes and how it flows. They saw Ohana court, which is a basketball court and covered area where we have services that is right below our window... Aunt Annette recalled a mission trip to the Philippines that they had taken where they were above a basketball court and how difficult it was to sleep with just a bouncing basket ball. It felt so good to have someone understand. It felt so good just to have them here, standing in my room, seeing where I live.
We left for the restaurant and it was right down the hill. It was an absolutely wonderful dinner on the water. It was cool and even sprinkled a bit, but in Hawaii that is just fun. It was cloudy but Aunt Annette wanted to see the sun set. Who doesn't! So I shot an arrow prayer up, "Oh, Lord, please let the sun come out of the clouds for her. She's so good." Sure enough when there was only about 10 minutes left before the sun would set, the clouds parted on the horizon and the huge red sun was visible with just a picture perfect cloud strand in front of it. The sun set never gets old here, and it is amazing how quickly it appears to move when it is that close to the horizon. It takes what seems to be no time at all to disappear. It was gorgeous, and so generous of our Father.
I felt so honored to be with them. To express to them, again, who they are to me and who they have never failed to be. Jim and Annette King have been married for almost 40 years. They are the true example in my life of what a marriage can and should look like. They genuinely like each other! They love each other and laugh and touch. He honors her and compliments her. She calls him "James" (and babe) when everyone else calls him Jim. I love it.
After dinner we drove and walked. I thought they would take me back but we lingered in each other's presence and it was so, so wonderful. We had ice cream and conversation. We laughed and remembered. We had true conversation that I will not repeat here, and aren't those the good ones? It was very possibly the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. Who would have thunk it?
They dropped me off with hugs and prayer. I got all choked up as I waved good bye. I haven't had a night in a long time that I didn't want to end, and I treasured each bit of it throughout.
I didn't ask God for family on Thanksgiving. But He knew how badly I needed them. I didn't ask Him to validate all I'm doing here... but He did that, too. I didn't ask Him to send two of my favorite people on the planet to love on me, but He did. Think how much more, then, He will give when I ask. He cares SO MUCH about me. Me.. lil ol me. He is right here, right now, as I type. He is in me, for me, and working it all out for my good.
I have been...concerned...about how school is going to be paid. How my LIFE will be paid if I am a full blown missionary. I have the pride that needs to die a full death. But He is showing me... I've got it. "You don't even know where I will send provision from." You don't know how it will show up or where it will come from. Which angle or why. He's got me, He's really, really got me. Damn my lack of trust to the deepest pit of hell!!! My Daddy LOVES ME!!! and He's GOT ME!!! He loves me. He's got me.
I am preparing my end of year newsletter dealie bob. I have never done one, so please pray for me. I don't have Microsoft Publisher but I am trying to figure it out somehow. Pray I get time to write it and that I say what needs to be said and don't waste time saying what doesn't. Pray for the hearts and minds of those who are called to support me monthly to be touched... I don't have many monthly supporters, 3 actually, and it is so hard to ask for that. I wish I could express how much it means to me that people give gifts. I wish I could say I don't need them. I wish money never needed to be mentioned- ever.
Thanks for reading...sorry it was so long. I appreciate you guys, I really do. ICJN, Leah
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The good, the bad, and the truly ugly...
Hello, boys and girls.
I hesitate to be honest with you about this last week, but
be honest I must as that is all there is….
Last week was the hardest I have had here yet. I was attacked on every level. Sunday I felt like my adrenals were lagging,
which I hadn’t felt in quite some time but it is a sign of working too hard and
not eating as well as I would like to.
Monday my back was out and I could barely function. The good news is that I had prayed and asked
the Lord for healing 3 different times not understanding why it wouldn’t come-
I used to go to the chiropractor every two weeks, but not only had I not found
one here I know I can’t afford to go every two weeks. Finally, one of my precious roommates said, “you
know- I want to pray for you but I know it wouldn’t do anything, so…” “What?!
That’s it, come on…” I said. She
was what I was waiting for. “Let’s go,
let’s do it…” I said. She was hesitant
with her own struggles in the week. As she
prayed, saying all the ‘right things’ I cried out to God in my pain and desire
for HER to receive. “Please show her,” I
prayed, “Pleeease…show her, and heal ME!!” It was a total combination of
selfless and selfish!
My pain did not completely go away, but I could tell the
worst part of it- my rib head- had gone back in. My range of motion was instantly better and I
could stretch. I wept as we hugged, we
were both blown away. I told her, “It
was your prayer of faith I needed.
Thank you so much. Thank you SO MUCH for
not holding out on me!” It was
amazing. I took a shower and she asked
me, “how is your back?” I said, “It’s
better… it’s not gone, but it’s better.”
“Well, I guess we need to pray again.”
she said. She laid her hand on my
back and prayed again. I was so much
better, it was literally like being able to breathe. I was sore, like after an injury, but so so
much better. I knew God was giving me reprieve
to get my butt in gear and find a chiropractor. It was the best part of my
week.
Tuesday we had a training regarding a computer program we
need for our computers in order to do all the required charts and forms for
homework. I couldn’t download it because
I don’t have Microsoft office installed.
I have Microsoft ‘starter’ but not the full office so I couldn’t do
it. You might think this is no big deal,
but let me tell you the combination of these events sent me into a breakdown. I
lost it. It is always one more thing
here, and last week our homework was due by Thursday morning so we could go on
a field trip of ‘wandering in the desert.’
The added pressure and the thought of spending an additional $100. on Microsoft
office just sent me to the scary place.
I had a million complaints, but I won’t list them now. I was in the middle of having it out with God
good, when my mother called. Perfect
timing because I had told myself I was NOT going to call her. Poor woman probably thinks the world is
falling apart, she hears my every grumble.
My breakdown cost me hours of homework time- but when I got back to my
dorm and sat to do some work…I opened a ‘less than pleasant’ email that sent me
into, well, let’s just call it, a ‘not so great' evening. I won't go into the details of what the email was about or who it was from. Not everything should be aired on the internet. What I will say is that God cares more about our character than our comfort, and there are things here that are extremely UNcomfortable.
Ending on a high note, yesterday I had the most fun ‘playing’
that I have had in more years than I could count. What a much needed blessing. Our ‘wandering’ field trip led to some much
needed relaxation. We went to a black
sand beach for a few hours. Oh…my…gosh. You could wander out hundreds of feet into
the water, but still touch the sand under the waves. I have never experienced anything like it…so
basically, I could touch the bottom but was out in the middle of full waves
coming in and breaking. It was
amazing. I was a bit afraid at first…but
not enough to not do it. I could stand
after all… I was very, very careful and aware of the fact that anyone of these
waves, if not respected, could kill me in a flat second. But life… is for living… so in I went. It was absolutely the most fun I think I have
had in I don’t know how long. I have
only one other time ever, played in waves like that and I think I was about 13
or 14 years old with the Mercer family in Santa Cruz. Even then it wasn’t like this. Huge waves breaking over me, duck diving
under them watching the darkness turn to light.
Swallowing entirely too much salt water and it burning the back of my
throat and nasal passage. Laughing. Laughing out loud by myself- being tossed a
few times and smacked around a bit.
Having my drawers literally ripped off and caught only by the swift
grab!! It was powerful, exciting,
relaxing, and fun. I had fun. I had fun. I had fun!!!! Every now and then there is a moment here,
where I have calmness and I can look up.
I can say, “I am in Hawaii right now” and try to remember what that
means. I am not living a tropical life, I
am not living the life over
here. I am working my butt of and it is
literally taking all I have to do it.
ALL I have, and mostly what I don’t have… God is working it out so that
I can become someone who knows His word.
I pray, I pray it all sticks.
This Friday is our first test and we have started the book of
Joshua. I am learning things I never
knew, and I am so grateful.
Well there it is. The
good, the bad, and the truly ugly.
Pray for us… its war… and we are fighting. J xoxo
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Outreach
To go on outreach, or not to go on outreach... that is the question.
Normally when you take a course through YWAM the automatic conclusion is a field assessment (aka outreach, a mission trip.) The purpose is to apply all that you have just learned and accomplished in your lecture phase in the mission field. It is not an easy accomplishment. It is not for the purpose of 'visiting another country' or 'bringing back souvenirs.' It is to see all that God wants to accomplish in that place through your team, and yourself in a land where, most likely, the inhabitants have not been given the privileged freedom that we have to hear or experience 'religion' in any ol' way we please or don't please. I have been so blessed over the years to experience these trips to foreign lands, and it is amazing what God does. I have memories and stories of ripples in lives changed because he chose to use a little gal from Modesto, California. He is truly able to do all things ;)
My course, the Chronological Study of Biblical Studies is rare in many ways but one is that the outreach is not required. It is optional. My intention right off the bat was not to go- if it's not required, that is money I can put towards my next course...and let's face it... I don't have that money. I have always known, that if I had the money, I would go. Of course, I would go. There is nothing that compares to sharing genuine love and truth with those who are so hurting. To seeing God accomplish healing and transformation before your eyes. Don't get me wrong, I know guys that do that every week right down town on 9th Street in Modesto- and it is an absolute battlefield and mission calling. This week, our leaders started talking about our outreach. Introducing us to the idea and what we do on an SBS (school of Biblical studies) outreach. They were saying how historically they have gone to other countries and taught pastors how to study the bible so that they can go back to their villages and study themselves and teach. They have been to China and locked down for two weeks to teach these warriors, these secret men of God, so they can go back to their underground churches and lead, teach, and sow into lives. The concept of being a part of that is... beyond what I can type here. This is it. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I have left home, my family, my animals, my job, my...life...for. To build a new one- to learn, grow, and GO. Ordinary people with an ordinary tool doing extraordinary things!!!
Tonight several of my classmates all got together after working all week to prepare for a fundraiser for a few students in our class that have yet to reach their student fees for this quarter. If they don't get the money by tomorrow afternoon, they have to go home. I keep thinking, next quarter that could be me. I don't have all my fees. The quarter after that I have no money for at all. It is strange and terribly uncomfortable for someone with a 'work' mentality to be called to something that requires gifts and financial support from others. It is- painful sometimes. To speak with those who have done it for umpteen years here, they have wise words and stories of faith. I know I will get there, but being raised by the parents I have- and rightly so- that you work, its tough. You earn it. Even culturally our identities are bound by 'so, what do you do?' and how much we earn. If we aren't working or producing something we aren't valid. Well. Nothing could be more valid than bringing new life to those who have lost all hope. Nothing could be more valid than schooling to be equipped for such a calling. Nothing could ever compare to taking the word of God to an underground pastor who has no other way of learning.
I know you are waiting for it... that moment where I tell you how much I need and how much I want YOU to give. It's not going to happen. It's just not. What I will tell you is all I can tell you.
I am committed.
I am committed to doing absolutely everything God calls me to do. I am committed to stepping out in any uncomfortable way. I am committed to completing this course, to continuing to struggle and press in. To going where others don't want to and talking to those others won't.
See, God knows this about me. He knows I am just full of piss and vinegar enough to do it, too. I can't do it without Him. Without His strength, His guidance, and, of course, His provision. He knows that if He tells me to jump... I will do it. He knows that if He shows me a path, I will walk in it. I might complain a bit, I might hem and haw for a few, but I WILL DO IT. Oh, the discomfort. The tears. The warfare.
But it will happen.
So, what I AM asking of you... is to pray. So often we say, 'oh, I'm praying for you!' But seriously. PLEASE. Make an intentional 5 minutes a day to pray for me. Write it on your fridge, on your mirror, on a post it note at your desk. Please. 5 minutes is an eternity to sit still and pray for some people. That is a true sacrifice that I do not take lightly. Please pray for God to make a way, where there seems to be no way. To rouse the hearts and minds of all who are called to support me financially. That they would know clearly that they are to support me. Their help will weigh in eternity. Their part in this journey will be priceless. Some are called to Go, and some are not. Some are called to earn and give. We are all called, it is just a matter of what that looks like and if we will answer the call.
There will come a day where I am absolutely black and white with an amount that is necessary for this or that. But right now... I ask you to pray. To begin to believe with me, that God, who has absolutely without any doubt called me, will show who, how, and when He will accomplish all He has for us.
I ask this most sincerely, with love.
For the sake of my mother, whom I know will lovingly give me crap it I don't tell you how to support me at this juncture I will say... that you can send a tax deductible gift care of Soul Harvest Worship Center 1545 Bay Meadows Dr. Modesto, Ca 95350 (please do not write my name on the check but include a note) or give thru paypal on their website at http://www.soulharvestwc.org/missions/ This money will go directly from my church to the University of the Nations for school fees. Any personal gifts can be addressed to me at University of the Nations #273
75-5851 Kuakini Hwy
Kailua Kona, HI 96740
OKAY, MA?!! :) (Actually she is my greatest supporter in spirit and otherwise.)
Normally when you take a course through YWAM the automatic conclusion is a field assessment (aka outreach, a mission trip.) The purpose is to apply all that you have just learned and accomplished in your lecture phase in the mission field. It is not an easy accomplishment. It is not for the purpose of 'visiting another country' or 'bringing back souvenirs.' It is to see all that God wants to accomplish in that place through your team, and yourself in a land where, most likely, the inhabitants have not been given the privileged freedom that we have to hear or experience 'religion' in any ol' way we please or don't please. I have been so blessed over the years to experience these trips to foreign lands, and it is amazing what God does. I have memories and stories of ripples in lives changed because he chose to use a little gal from Modesto, California. He is truly able to do all things ;)
My course, the Chronological Study of Biblical Studies is rare in many ways but one is that the outreach is not required. It is optional. My intention right off the bat was not to go- if it's not required, that is money I can put towards my next course...and let's face it... I don't have that money. I have always known, that if I had the money, I would go. Of course, I would go. There is nothing that compares to sharing genuine love and truth with those who are so hurting. To seeing God accomplish healing and transformation before your eyes. Don't get me wrong, I know guys that do that every week right down town on 9th Street in Modesto- and it is an absolute battlefield and mission calling. This week, our leaders started talking about our outreach. Introducing us to the idea and what we do on an SBS (school of Biblical studies) outreach. They were saying how historically they have gone to other countries and taught pastors how to study the bible so that they can go back to their villages and study themselves and teach. They have been to China and locked down for two weeks to teach these warriors, these secret men of God, so they can go back to their underground churches and lead, teach, and sow into lives. The concept of being a part of that is... beyond what I can type here. This is it. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I have left home, my family, my animals, my job, my...life...for. To build a new one- to learn, grow, and GO. Ordinary people with an ordinary tool doing extraordinary things!!!
Tonight several of my classmates all got together after working all week to prepare for a fundraiser for a few students in our class that have yet to reach their student fees for this quarter. If they don't get the money by tomorrow afternoon, they have to go home. I keep thinking, next quarter that could be me. I don't have all my fees. The quarter after that I have no money for at all. It is strange and terribly uncomfortable for someone with a 'work' mentality to be called to something that requires gifts and financial support from others. It is- painful sometimes. To speak with those who have done it for umpteen years here, they have wise words and stories of faith. I know I will get there, but being raised by the parents I have- and rightly so- that you work, its tough. You earn it. Even culturally our identities are bound by 'so, what do you do?' and how much we earn. If we aren't working or producing something we aren't valid. Well. Nothing could be more valid than bringing new life to those who have lost all hope. Nothing could be more valid than schooling to be equipped for such a calling. Nothing could ever compare to taking the word of God to an underground pastor who has no other way of learning.
I know you are waiting for it... that moment where I tell you how much I need and how much I want YOU to give. It's not going to happen. It's just not. What I will tell you is all I can tell you.
I am committed.
I am committed to doing absolutely everything God calls me to do. I am committed to stepping out in any uncomfortable way. I am committed to completing this course, to continuing to struggle and press in. To going where others don't want to and talking to those others won't.
See, God knows this about me. He knows I am just full of piss and vinegar enough to do it, too. I can't do it without Him. Without His strength, His guidance, and, of course, His provision. He knows that if He tells me to jump... I will do it. He knows that if He shows me a path, I will walk in it. I might complain a bit, I might hem and haw for a few, but I WILL DO IT. Oh, the discomfort. The tears. The warfare.
But it will happen.
So, what I AM asking of you... is to pray. So often we say, 'oh, I'm praying for you!' But seriously. PLEASE. Make an intentional 5 minutes a day to pray for me. Write it on your fridge, on your mirror, on a post it note at your desk. Please. 5 minutes is an eternity to sit still and pray for some people. That is a true sacrifice that I do not take lightly. Please pray for God to make a way, where there seems to be no way. To rouse the hearts and minds of all who are called to support me financially. That they would know clearly that they are to support me. Their help will weigh in eternity. Their part in this journey will be priceless. Some are called to Go, and some are not. Some are called to earn and give. We are all called, it is just a matter of what that looks like and if we will answer the call.
There will come a day where I am absolutely black and white with an amount that is necessary for this or that. But right now... I ask you to pray. To begin to believe with me, that God, who has absolutely without any doubt called me, will show who, how, and when He will accomplish all He has for us.
I ask this most sincerely, with love.
For the sake of my mother, whom I know will lovingly give me crap it I don't tell you how to support me at this juncture I will say... that you can send a tax deductible gift care of Soul Harvest Worship Center 1545 Bay Meadows Dr. Modesto, Ca 95350 (please do not write my name on the check but include a note) or give thru paypal on their website at http://www.soulharvestwc.org/missions/ This money will go directly from my church to the University of the Nations for school fees. Any personal gifts can be addressed to me at University of the Nations #273
75-5851 Kuakini Hwy
Kailua Kona, HI 96740
OKAY, MA?!! :) (Actually she is my greatest supporter in spirit and otherwise.)
Monday, October 22, 2012
October 21. How's that for a title?
Tomorrow we jump into the book of Numbers. We go through a book a week here. When I say, 'we go through a book a week' I mean, we go through a book a week. By the time all of our homework is accomplished we have read through it at least four times- or skimmed it again and again- type deal. Who knew those people who wrote the bible dictionaries would ever be so helpful to me!!! It moves so fast I fear I am not going to really get it. But then, we'll have a conversation and I will be shocked at what just came out of my mouth...'hey, I retained that!! Praise God, may I always retain that!'
I think they are just going to keep adding a new task with each book for awhile but right now we are breaking down paragraphs and doing paragraph titles, we do charts of each chapter- observing, interpreting, and finding a timeless truth for each. Timelines are going to be added as are full vertical charts, which probably means nothing to you, but let me tell you I am NOT looking forward to that~ ooftah.
I had a moment this last week where I was fully into a homework session and I realized...this is my lifestyle now. Homework. Everything is geared around it... when can I do it, how long can I do it for, when can I stop?!! How far will I get in my homework today, will I finish well on time? I DO NOT want to be cramming it together last minute...ever~ please, Jesus, let me always accomplish it well and plenty early. Crunchtime makes me anxious. I hate being late or rushing. I hate it with a passion. (Can someone say, 'control issues, boys and girls?!) It is every bit as intense as I believed it would be. And every bit as wonderful.
Thank you so much, to those who prayed or supported to help me so far, and please... please... pray and consider helping me in future. I cannot express all that God is doing and going to prepare me for. I remember dear Mother Dee Dee praying over me and receiving that 'these hands are going to bring healing to the Nations.' I knew it was true, as insane and crazy as it was that it was being said of me. What is interesting is that it has already started... Oh, I have to write and tell you about my friend, we'll call him Sven. But not tonight. (teaser, there.) This campus is FULL of the Nations. There are 6 different nations represented in my dorm room alone. Healing is happening, and I believe in Healing. I've seen it, I've received it, and I have been blessed to see it happen through me. His hand is at work. His mighty mighty hand.
Please comment sometimes when you read, I would so love to hear from you.
I think they are just going to keep adding a new task with each book for awhile but right now we are breaking down paragraphs and doing paragraph titles, we do charts of each chapter- observing, interpreting, and finding a timeless truth for each. Timelines are going to be added as are full vertical charts, which probably means nothing to you, but let me tell you I am NOT looking forward to that~ ooftah.
I had a moment this last week where I was fully into a homework session and I realized...this is my lifestyle now. Homework. Everything is geared around it... when can I do it, how long can I do it for, when can I stop?!! How far will I get in my homework today, will I finish well on time? I DO NOT want to be cramming it together last minute...ever~ please, Jesus, let me always accomplish it well and plenty early. Crunchtime makes me anxious. I hate being late or rushing. I hate it with a passion. (Can someone say, 'control issues, boys and girls?!) It is every bit as intense as I believed it would be. And every bit as wonderful.
Thank you so much, to those who prayed or supported to help me so far, and please... please... pray and consider helping me in future. I cannot express all that God is doing and going to prepare me for. I remember dear Mother Dee Dee praying over me and receiving that 'these hands are going to bring healing to the Nations.' I knew it was true, as insane and crazy as it was that it was being said of me. What is interesting is that it has already started... Oh, I have to write and tell you about my friend, we'll call him Sven. But not tonight. (teaser, there.) This campus is FULL of the Nations. There are 6 different nations represented in my dorm room alone. Healing is happening, and I believe in Healing. I've seen it, I've received it, and I have been blessed to see it happen through me. His hand is at work. His mighty mighty hand.
Please comment sometimes when you read, I would so love to hear from you.
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