http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZrBbphgvP4
(My Ex) and the IRS. Like huge pillars.
Me sitting at Jesus' feet. Pointing at them behind me. Blue hue light.
He wants me to give them to Him- so I try.
The IRS is too huge. I cannot push or move it with every ounce of my strength.
I move to (ex). I remember everything. I start hitting him and beating him. Punching his face.
Jesus doesn't stop me- He just sits down to watch and wait.
I make not one mark on the stoic statue figure of (ex).
Jesus holds out His hand and waits for me to take it.
I do- and He starts walking backwards- leading me away from the two hurts.
I look back and He shakes His head, 'no', keeps walking backwards and as the hurts get further and further away. They start to dissolve- I don't look; I just know.
He turns forward and keeps leading, looking back at me and smiling.
A guy comes, I turn to look briefly but Jesus does the two finger 'eye to eye' gesture.
"Keep your eyes on me." I do.
He starts to jog lightly- joy on His face now.
He jumps over something- I jump over it.
I don't even look at what it was. I don't take my eyes from Him. He knods.
He runs in full stride- I run in full stride.
He has never let go of my hand.
He leaps a long, flowing, land covering leap- I do the same; never looking away.
He is laughing now.
He throws me up, spinning me around and catches me- runs without skipping a beat.
My eyes don't waver.
All that is covered, All that is done and accomplished-
I will never know. My eyes don't leave Him.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Preparing to Teach...
I seem to get worse and worse at allowing the time to go by!! I seem to get busier and busier and write fewer and fewer entries. For this, I am truly sorry as I believe it is the best way to communicate with all my friends and family who care to support what I am doing and wonder how it's going! I also truly enjoy it when I can carve out the proper time... how am I going to add online classes to the mix next year? I have no idea. Praise God the 'How' is His department...mine is just to put one foot in front of the other and answer each call as it comes.
Right now I am, once again, preparing to teach. This time I have the honor of presenting the book of Malachi. I always hate the weeks before teaching. I know!! I should have this joyful perspective and outlook while carrying the honor of being allowed to teach the word of God! But I get so overwhelmed by the whole thing. I NEVER feel like I am as prepared as I should be. I always think the next time I will do better and inevitably end up stressed out about it down to the couple days before. This time is no different. I have two weeks and three days until I teach and in a perfect world I would already have my lesson ready and be practicing it... hahahahahaha. Oh, I crack myself up. Ah, to have control issues. I always want everything organized and in proper order. I always beat myself up when it's not. (Until afterwards and then I think, 'oh, well... I did my best.')
The thing is- having time. (Isn't that ALWAYS 'the thing'?) I always feel anxious because I am not preparing the way I would like to be. Then when I FINALLY get some concentrated time to really dig in- I absolutely LOVE it. This is my process. I hate it, I dread it, I dig in... I love it. Finding a place to be still, alone, without distraction or priority tasks interrupting is rare; and this is what I need in order to get to the 'I love it' place. I can put sound in my ears, I can try to not be distracted by roommates or co-workers but I am not always real great at it.
I fully realize how spoiled I am. Many people I know WISH they had time to "simply" study the word of God and pour it out. They would kick me in the shin for even complaining! They would be right. The thing is it's not "simply" studying the word of God.
I wonder if people realize how hard we actually work... uh oh. I feel a shift. Sorry, here goes.
Sometimes I think people believe that 'missionaries' do what they do to get out of a real job. I have to be honest, I work harder here than I have in years. (Sorry, beloved sisters... I worked hard!!) But this is a different ball of wax. Maybe that is a better way of putting it. It is just go go go all day and you do what needs to be done regardless of the hour or what it interrupts. It's probably like working in the medical field or White House! hehe What I mean to say is; it takes all spheres of who I am. One talent to do this task, another for the other... this student needs counsel and there is the constant correcting of homework. All while trying to prepare an in depth teaching. There are things I'm not even mentioning. Please, please know I am NOT COMPLAINING. I am in LOVE with what God has me doing and how much it requires of me! You see my beach pictures from time to time, it could be much worse! I am not miserable, as a matter of fact I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED!!! It is crazy how amazing God provides for every sphere as I remain in the center of His will. I am blown away by it all. I cannot believe my life. I hear that song, "I feel so alive" by Capital Kings- where it gets to the line that says, "You've got me livin' how I wanted all along." Whooooo!! There is another shift!! Blessed Holy Spirit, how FAITHFUL YOU ARE!!!
You guys might think I am losing it... up, down, shift, turn... but this is actually a perfect example of my life, hahaha.
I just wanted to touch base. Say I love you guys, and I covet your prayers.
Seriously, tho... this is my song. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdRI1A7F_pI
Right now I am, once again, preparing to teach. This time I have the honor of presenting the book of Malachi. I always hate the weeks before teaching. I know!! I should have this joyful perspective and outlook while carrying the honor of being allowed to teach the word of God! But I get so overwhelmed by the whole thing. I NEVER feel like I am as prepared as I should be. I always think the next time I will do better and inevitably end up stressed out about it down to the couple days before. This time is no different. I have two weeks and three days until I teach and in a perfect world I would already have my lesson ready and be practicing it... hahahahahaha. Oh, I crack myself up. Ah, to have control issues. I always want everything organized and in proper order. I always beat myself up when it's not. (Until afterwards and then I think, 'oh, well... I did my best.')
The thing is- having time. (Isn't that ALWAYS 'the thing'?) I always feel anxious because I am not preparing the way I would like to be. Then when I FINALLY get some concentrated time to really dig in- I absolutely LOVE it. This is my process. I hate it, I dread it, I dig in... I love it. Finding a place to be still, alone, without distraction or priority tasks interrupting is rare; and this is what I need in order to get to the 'I love it' place. I can put sound in my ears, I can try to not be distracted by roommates or co-workers but I am not always real great at it.
I fully realize how spoiled I am. Many people I know WISH they had time to "simply" study the word of God and pour it out. They would kick me in the shin for even complaining! They would be right. The thing is it's not "simply" studying the word of God.
I wonder if people realize how hard we actually work... uh oh. I feel a shift. Sorry, here goes.
Sometimes I think people believe that 'missionaries' do what they do to get out of a real job. I have to be honest, I work harder here than I have in years. (Sorry, beloved sisters... I worked hard!!) But this is a different ball of wax. Maybe that is a better way of putting it. It is just go go go all day and you do what needs to be done regardless of the hour or what it interrupts. It's probably like working in the medical field or White House! hehe What I mean to say is; it takes all spheres of who I am. One talent to do this task, another for the other... this student needs counsel and there is the constant correcting of homework. All while trying to prepare an in depth teaching. There are things I'm not even mentioning. Please, please know I am NOT COMPLAINING. I am in LOVE with what God has me doing and how much it requires of me! You see my beach pictures from time to time, it could be much worse! I am not miserable, as a matter of fact I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED!!! It is crazy how amazing God provides for every sphere as I remain in the center of His will. I am blown away by it all. I cannot believe my life. I hear that song, "I feel so alive" by Capital Kings- where it gets to the line that says, "You've got me livin' how I wanted all along." Whooooo!! There is another shift!! Blessed Holy Spirit, how FAITHFUL YOU ARE!!!
You guys might think I am losing it... up, down, shift, turn... but this is actually a perfect example of my life, hahaha.
I just wanted to touch base. Say I love you guys, and I covet your prayers.
Seriously, tho... this is my song. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdRI1A7F_pI
Friday, January 3, 2014
Extra! Extra! Read all about it...
Looking back I see how little I have really written and as a result how little I have shared. I'm sorry for that- it's been an incredible first quarter and time. Let me see if I can summarize a bit..
The 'kids' on my staff team that are all 'so young and full of life' have become my dear family. They are precious and we now have quite a few of our own 'inside jokes.' We pray for each other, razz each other, and shake our heads when we ought to. It's great.
I have taught my first book, Ruth, and it went well, I would say. It seems to have accomplished what it was required to and I received some touching compliments. This quarter I am teaching the prophets Joel (in exactly two weeks...yikes!! Please pray!) and then late in the quarter Malachi.
It's crazy intimidating.
I had an AMAZINGLY blessed trip over Christmas. My 'other Mom and Dad' took me to Oahu for some family time and they, like parents, spoiled me rotten. I don't know the last time I had an actual vacation vacation- it was seriously so fun. I saw Pearl Harbor- where the gun shots from the Japanese fighter planes took out our planes on the harbor. We went to The Royal Hawaiian Hotel which was built in the 1920's and still has original wallpaper, carpets, and furniture in some places. So amazing and beautiful! The beach there went out several hundred feet at a very shallow depth so swimming felt like you were in the middle of the ocean when really, you could stand up and walk. Cool. Oahu is so totally different from Kona. Kona is rural, really. A village; whereas Honolulu is a metropolis! It felt like a San Francisco or not quite New York sort of feel! Skyscrapers and really elite shops. Needless to say I didn't shop, hehe.
A highlight that brought tears was when we visited the Aulani. This is a resort built by Disney on Oahu and if you know me at all... you know I LOVE ME SOME DISNEY!!! I never thought I would get to see it- so when I realized I was on the same island and that we would be in the area... my hopes got a bit high! We did, in fact, stop there for an evening of pupu's (appetizers) and chilling. I absolutely could not believe I was there and took pictures of everything!! I must have been like a little kid because they bought me a t-shirt to commemorate the experience!!! I LOVE IT!!! I literally called my brother (who also loves Disney) and cried on his answering machine. "Oh, Bill... I hate that you are not home right now! Guess where I am, man... guess where I am standing right now?!! The Aulani!!! The Aulani, Bill, can you believe it?" The whole time crying like I had been taken some place sacred... hahahahahahaha. But, hey... it was real. Dreams do come true.
On the prayer request note... there has been some strange smell in my truck since I picked it up. I thought an animal had crawled up into some small space and died during the shipping but that has not proven to be true. It smells like anti-freeze (which wreaks if I do say so myself) and it NOT PLEASANT; especially when giving others rides, which I do all the time. So I called my guy (shout out Kevin Bettencourt!) back home and he said it's very uncommon to have this issue in these trucks. Also that if I don't see anything leaking or can't find it- it probably isn't leaking. He gave me one other thing to try (maybe something is plugged up) but other than that it doesn't sound like I should have a real problem. Praise God... I had it totally checked and tuned up before coming and it was clean. But this smell... it's bad. Please pray I find it or it is solved miraculously!! Hey, God cares about this stuff, too. :)
One last thing and I will let you go...
I do plan on going on outreach this year. It will be from late June to mid August. We usually go to China to teach the word underground but that has not been set in any stone. Actually... I probably shouldn't be typing that. (Lord I pray even now that the enemy and any who would cause any harm would be rendered deaf, dumb, and blind to this information in Jesus Name.) So if you would start praying now about that major undertaking and how you might be willing to support me financially in that trip I would appreciate it. I, too, will be saving towards it as I am able.
I continue to be SO GRATEFUL for your thoughts, prayers, love, and support. I could not do what I do without you all encouraging me through.
Blessings, sweet friends.
Leah
The 'kids' on my staff team that are all 'so young and full of life' have become my dear family. They are precious and we now have quite a few of our own 'inside jokes.' We pray for each other, razz each other, and shake our heads when we ought to. It's great.
I have taught my first book, Ruth, and it went well, I would say. It seems to have accomplished what it was required to and I received some touching compliments. This quarter I am teaching the prophets Joel (in exactly two weeks...yikes!! Please pray!) and then late in the quarter Malachi.
It's crazy intimidating.
I had an AMAZINGLY blessed trip over Christmas. My 'other Mom and Dad' took me to Oahu for some family time and they, like parents, spoiled me rotten. I don't know the last time I had an actual vacation vacation- it was seriously so fun. I saw Pearl Harbor- where the gun shots from the Japanese fighter planes took out our planes on the harbor. We went to The Royal Hawaiian Hotel which was built in the 1920's and still has original wallpaper, carpets, and furniture in some places. So amazing and beautiful! The beach there went out several hundred feet at a very shallow depth so swimming felt like you were in the middle of the ocean when really, you could stand up and walk. Cool. Oahu is so totally different from Kona. Kona is rural, really. A village; whereas Honolulu is a metropolis! It felt like a San Francisco or not quite New York sort of feel! Skyscrapers and really elite shops. Needless to say I didn't shop, hehe.
A highlight that brought tears was when we visited the Aulani. This is a resort built by Disney on Oahu and if you know me at all... you know I LOVE ME SOME DISNEY!!! I never thought I would get to see it- so when I realized I was on the same island and that we would be in the area... my hopes got a bit high! We did, in fact, stop there for an evening of pupu's (appetizers) and chilling. I absolutely could not believe I was there and took pictures of everything!! I must have been like a little kid because they bought me a t-shirt to commemorate the experience!!! I LOVE IT!!! I literally called my brother (who also loves Disney) and cried on his answering machine. "Oh, Bill... I hate that you are not home right now! Guess where I am, man... guess where I am standing right now?!! The Aulani!!! The Aulani, Bill, can you believe it?" The whole time crying like I had been taken some place sacred... hahahahahahaha. But, hey... it was real. Dreams do come true.
On the prayer request note... there has been some strange smell in my truck since I picked it up. I thought an animal had crawled up into some small space and died during the shipping but that has not proven to be true. It smells like anti-freeze (which wreaks if I do say so myself) and it NOT PLEASANT; especially when giving others rides, which I do all the time. So I called my guy (shout out Kevin Bettencourt!) back home and he said it's very uncommon to have this issue in these trucks. Also that if I don't see anything leaking or can't find it- it probably isn't leaking. He gave me one other thing to try (maybe something is plugged up) but other than that it doesn't sound like I should have a real problem. Praise God... I had it totally checked and tuned up before coming and it was clean. But this smell... it's bad. Please pray I find it or it is solved miraculously!! Hey, God cares about this stuff, too. :)
One last thing and I will let you go...
I do plan on going on outreach this year. It will be from late June to mid August. We usually go to China to teach the word underground but that has not been set in any stone. Actually... I probably shouldn't be typing that. (Lord I pray even now that the enemy and any who would cause any harm would be rendered deaf, dumb, and blind to this information in Jesus Name.) So if you would start praying now about that major undertaking and how you might be willing to support me financially in that trip I would appreciate it. I, too, will be saving towards it as I am able.
I continue to be SO GRATEFUL for your thoughts, prayers, love, and support. I could not do what I do without you all encouraging me through.
Blessings, sweet friends.
Leah
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Here's a Shorty...
So sorry, guys...
I am struggling with motivation to write.
I find that when I get home to 'work' online in the evenings I shut down. Even though I still have a couple to a few hours of evening to accomplish something; I just want to lay down and veg out. Our days are pretty go go go here, but not so much so that I shouldn't be able to write a blog or update here and there. I'm sorry about that. I think seriously that I need to add some sort of exercise to my routine- always helps to get the endorphins kickin'.
Christmas is around the corner and I will be spending it with my 'other Mom and Dad' on Oahu. They are generously getting me over to the other island and that will be very cool. I had never been to Hawaii before last year and I certainly haven't seen any other islands! The best part is that I will actually have family for Christmas... how blessed am I??
Bless you all!
Leah
I am struggling with motivation to write.
I find that when I get home to 'work' online in the evenings I shut down. Even though I still have a couple to a few hours of evening to accomplish something; I just want to lay down and veg out. Our days are pretty go go go here, but not so much so that I shouldn't be able to write a blog or update here and there. I'm sorry about that. I think seriously that I need to add some sort of exercise to my routine- always helps to get the endorphins kickin'.
Christmas is around the corner and I will be spending it with my 'other Mom and Dad' on Oahu. They are generously getting me over to the other island and that will be very cool. I had never been to Hawaii before last year and I certainly haven't seen any other islands! The best part is that I will actually have family for Christmas... how blessed am I??
Bless you all!
Leah
Friday, October 18, 2013
The Way Things are Going...
Hello! Well it's getting a bit trickier to make time to just blog! Our school is in the full flow now and things are, well, demanding! It's a good busy...but BUSY none the less. I was just saying to my leader yesterday that my plan is to staff this year to get the flow of things and then take online courses towards a degree next year- but that at this point I seriously could not imagine taking courses on top of my schedule!! I get up at 6:15am and don't make it home until around 10:15p. I try to go to sleep as soon as possible to get a good nights rest- sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I am not. But, PRAISE GOD I have a nice bed and shared apartment to come home to!!! I have the sweetest roommate! She is from Brazil and has a precious heart. I praise God for her- you never know when you meet a stranger if you will connect or be compatible for living together- but I am overjoyed to report that God in His love and mercy has given me Aline. :) We are still waiting for our 3rd roommate to arrive from Russia. She is having Visa issues and we just keep getting reports that it will be a bit longer, be a bit longer.. our rent is higher every month she is not here, so needless to say we are REALLY praying she comes sooooon! Not to mention she is also a staff member in my school, so until she gets here the weight that the only other female staff and I carry is much heavier.
You could pray for that! Thanks!!
The students are doing well; struggling with all the same issues that I did. Some of them may be reading this after I post it on facebook so I won't be too specific but if you could pray for them as well that would be great. Right now their school fees are due by Oct. 24th and 4 of them still owe a combined total of $7570. One gal in particular owes about $3500. of that amount. We are believing that God will provide as He has done so many times before. When something is His will, He makes a way.
I am teaching the book of Ruth in just a few weeks... OH PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS. The preparation is intense. I am not looking forward to it for the very most part. For those of you who know me, you know that I am totally capable of speaking in front of a crowd, but teaching...well... I can do it but it's not my strongest gift. I know it will be fine- I have every confidence because God would not have called me to it if He wasn't going to enable me to do it. It's just that I want to be truly knowledgeable in all the required information. You know me... I'm not into faking anything. I want to be the real deal. So please pray that I do truly well. I would appreciate that.
Along the lines of prayer requests I pray that you would also lift up my laptop and phone. You know how it goes... my laptop is 3 years old now. Last year I did have to take it for some repairs and I just dread the day it dies. It would not be worth the cost to repair it again. God is so amazing I know He will provide what I need when I need it. Also, sooner than that I fear my phone will go. It is a lemon- it has always been a lemon. But it's my lemon and again, I dread the day it goes, hehe. Neither of these are a 'right this minute' issue, and I praise God that I am truly blessed to have anything at all!! That is the truth.
Bless you guys!!!
Leah
You could pray for that! Thanks!!
The students are doing well; struggling with all the same issues that I did. Some of them may be reading this after I post it on facebook so I won't be too specific but if you could pray for them as well that would be great. Right now their school fees are due by Oct. 24th and 4 of them still owe a combined total of $7570. One gal in particular owes about $3500. of that amount. We are believing that God will provide as He has done so many times before. When something is His will, He makes a way.
I am teaching the book of Ruth in just a few weeks... OH PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS. The preparation is intense. I am not looking forward to it for the very most part. For those of you who know me, you know that I am totally capable of speaking in front of a crowd, but teaching...well... I can do it but it's not my strongest gift. I know it will be fine- I have every confidence because God would not have called me to it if He wasn't going to enable me to do it. It's just that I want to be truly knowledgeable in all the required information. You know me... I'm not into faking anything. I want to be the real deal. So please pray that I do truly well. I would appreciate that.
Along the lines of prayer requests I pray that you would also lift up my laptop and phone. You know how it goes... my laptop is 3 years old now. Last year I did have to take it for some repairs and I just dread the day it dies. It would not be worth the cost to repair it again. God is so amazing I know He will provide what I need when I need it. Also, sooner than that I fear my phone will go. It is a lemon- it has always been a lemon. But it's my lemon and again, I dread the day it goes, hehe. Neither of these are a 'right this minute' issue, and I praise God that I am truly blessed to have anything at all!! That is the truth.
Bless you guys!!!
Leah
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Back to Kona
Hey, Guys...
Well, it's official; I'm back in Kona. I've been here for a few days now and it's been quite an adjustment. I'm still adjusting, actually! It's so strange to come back to a place that feels so much like home in so many ways and yet be completely displaced.
The first day was a real struggle emotionally. My school leader picked me up and it was cool to hang out w/ him for a bit. We ran to Walmart and then got lunch at this awesome hole in the wall sushi place. He helped me get my staff stuff started (getting my ID, etc.) and got me to my room. For the first month I am staying on campus. Oh, the joys of campus life. Loud laughter after campus quiet time and children running around. It was a bit of a jolt just in that all of my belongings are in the apartment I thought I was coming back to; there are some (really nice) guys staying there until the end of the month after their quarter for school ends. I did go and get my sleeping bag, pillow, some shoes, etc. from them, but I don't want to go over there every time I need something! So I've had to re-buy some basics which will just be used in the long run anyway. I really make an effort to be flexible, but I confess sometimes when I have something in my head and it gets changed it takes me a bit to come around. The gals in my new room are great; I just didn't expect to be on a top bunk 3 feet from the ceiling climbing up and down for all my belongings! Praise God at 42 (almost!!) I am physically able to do it.
The first couple of days were rough. Like I said I feel at home here, but none of my dearest friends are here, so at every memory it is the obvious lack of them. I used to think that if I were ever in a Castaway (Tom Hanks) situation that I would be okay. That I would LOVE the serenity and after the initial shock of being alone I would probably be just fine alone w/ God in a beautiful place. Not that I wouldn't get lonely; just that I would be okay. Get myself a monkey! Or a Wilson! But after the first couple of days here, surrounded by hundreds of people but feeling so alone, I wondered if I would not be okay at all (as a Castaway). Finally at lunch I ran into a dear friend that was actually a part of my 'hang out' group last year. I yelled his name and we hugged... I said, "Man I could seriously cry just seeing you." He said, "I know, right?! I feel the same way!" He has been here since July w/ none of the close friends around and has not yet made intimate friends. It's tough, it's harder than it should be sometimes. We talked about what it feels like here and the adjustment.
I am totally confident that I will have dear friends here this year. I am confident that God will bring true fellowship. I'm not concerned about that; although I was before coming honestly. It's just the 'meantime.'
Yesterday I was in my room and one of our remaining staff called me and came to my room. She was on campus and was intentional about coming by to love on me and let me know that she is here for me. She is a saint and someone I know I can go to when things become rough. She is younger than my mother but just by a number of years. She is gentle and calm. Today we have a date for coffee.
Yesterday evening I ate dinner on campus and then went out w/ a group that will be on our staff team. Oh, my goodness, these kids are all so young. They are all in their 20's for the very most part. It's great, they are full of life. I did, I confess, feel like an outsider. They were not at ALL noninclusive- it was just that they all know each other from their own SBS. They were in the same class so they had the stories and inside jokes that come from spending 9 intense months in the trenches together. They explained and were kind- but I realized it will take awhile before we have our own stories and ties that bind. We have all signed up for two years of service to the SBS so I am confident we will grow to love each other dearly. It's just, again, the adjustment period.
I'm also grieving my Mom a bit. I tear just writing it. I am incredibly blessed in my relationship with my Mother. She truly is my best friend and we discuss everything. I had the spoiled blessing of skyping with her almost every morning while I was home. Now our time difference is exactly 12 hours apart so timing is tricky and with the new schedule I won't get that daily dose of processing and sharing. You know everything is better when you can run it by Mom! Thank You, God, for that precious relationship. Love you, Mama.
I appreciate any and all prayers for this adjustment time. We start staff training tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I start my job in the evenings (chatting w/ pregnant gals who need resources and options) a week from tomorrow...so it is starting! It's all kicking into gear.
Thank you, guys, for everything. For your prayers and for caring. Bless all your buns!
Well, it's official; I'm back in Kona. I've been here for a few days now and it's been quite an adjustment. I'm still adjusting, actually! It's so strange to come back to a place that feels so much like home in so many ways and yet be completely displaced.
The first day was a real struggle emotionally. My school leader picked me up and it was cool to hang out w/ him for a bit. We ran to Walmart and then got lunch at this awesome hole in the wall sushi place. He helped me get my staff stuff started (getting my ID, etc.) and got me to my room. For the first month I am staying on campus. Oh, the joys of campus life. Loud laughter after campus quiet time and children running around. It was a bit of a jolt just in that all of my belongings are in the apartment I thought I was coming back to; there are some (really nice) guys staying there until the end of the month after their quarter for school ends. I did go and get my sleeping bag, pillow, some shoes, etc. from them, but I don't want to go over there every time I need something! So I've had to re-buy some basics which will just be used in the long run anyway. I really make an effort to be flexible, but I confess sometimes when I have something in my head and it gets changed it takes me a bit to come around. The gals in my new room are great; I just didn't expect to be on a top bunk 3 feet from the ceiling climbing up and down for all my belongings! Praise God at 42 (almost!!) I am physically able to do it.
The first couple of days were rough. Like I said I feel at home here, but none of my dearest friends are here, so at every memory it is the obvious lack of them. I used to think that if I were ever in a Castaway (Tom Hanks) situation that I would be okay. That I would LOVE the serenity and after the initial shock of being alone I would probably be just fine alone w/ God in a beautiful place. Not that I wouldn't get lonely; just that I would be okay. Get myself a monkey! Or a Wilson! But after the first couple of days here, surrounded by hundreds of people but feeling so alone, I wondered if I would not be okay at all (as a Castaway). Finally at lunch I ran into a dear friend that was actually a part of my 'hang out' group last year. I yelled his name and we hugged... I said, "Man I could seriously cry just seeing you." He said, "I know, right?! I feel the same way!" He has been here since July w/ none of the close friends around and has not yet made intimate friends. It's tough, it's harder than it should be sometimes. We talked about what it feels like here and the adjustment.
I am totally confident that I will have dear friends here this year. I am confident that God will bring true fellowship. I'm not concerned about that; although I was before coming honestly. It's just the 'meantime.'
Yesterday I was in my room and one of our remaining staff called me and came to my room. She was on campus and was intentional about coming by to love on me and let me know that she is here for me. She is a saint and someone I know I can go to when things become rough. She is younger than my mother but just by a number of years. She is gentle and calm. Today we have a date for coffee.
Yesterday evening I ate dinner on campus and then went out w/ a group that will be on our staff team. Oh, my goodness, these kids are all so young. They are all in their 20's for the very most part. It's great, they are full of life. I did, I confess, feel like an outsider. They were not at ALL noninclusive- it was just that they all know each other from their own SBS. They were in the same class so they had the stories and inside jokes that come from spending 9 intense months in the trenches together. They explained and were kind- but I realized it will take awhile before we have our own stories and ties that bind. We have all signed up for two years of service to the SBS so I am confident we will grow to love each other dearly. It's just, again, the adjustment period.
I'm also grieving my Mom a bit. I tear just writing it. I am incredibly blessed in my relationship with my Mother. She truly is my best friend and we discuss everything. I had the spoiled blessing of skyping with her almost every morning while I was home. Now our time difference is exactly 12 hours apart so timing is tricky and with the new schedule I won't get that daily dose of processing and sharing. You know everything is better when you can run it by Mom! Thank You, God, for that precious relationship. Love you, Mama.
I appreciate any and all prayers for this adjustment time. We start staff training tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I start my job in the evenings (chatting w/ pregnant gals who need resources and options) a week from tomorrow...so it is starting! It's all kicking into gear.
Thank you, guys, for everything. For your prayers and for caring. Bless all your buns!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Forgive Me!!!
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!!!
I have told myself day after day 'just blog, Leah! Write a blog!' but... I haven't. Obviously. I'm positive no one's lives have been that greatly affected by this fact so I have kinda let myself slide but for those of you who are so gracious to keep up, I sincerely do apologize.
What a crazy ride being home for these summer weeks has been. I return to Kona in just two short weeks and feel the anxiety of all of the meetings I still need to have. Praise God, however that all I came home to accomplish- by His grace- has been accomplished!! I have insurance for this next year, both car and health, I have gained the support of a committed few to be members of the Team that will be regularly praying and some financially supporting the kingdom work that God is doing in my life. I taught the Inductive Bible Study Seminar last Saturday and after much stress I can say it went well. It was a small turnout but I am absolutely confident it was exactly what God would have it be. I confess I dropped the ball on better advertisement as my trepidation got the better of me. I have visited with family and friends, held my beloved dogs and cat, touched base with those who are dear to me and had the overwhelming miracle of God confirming His word of sending my truck over to Hawaii become a reality!! THAT is the story I will tell...
As some of you have read I was debating selling my beloved truck. I know we are not supposed to have treasures on earth. Getting this truck was a miracle in itself. I have had it for 10 years now. It is literally my only asset. I have held loosely and given up most of the ties that bound me to go to Kona and invest my life in serving God and in His Word. This last season I was praying about selling my truck. I made a further two year commitment to be in Kona and I was not willing to pay the (ever increasing) price of having it just sit in my mother's drive way- which wasn't good for the truck, or for my pocketbook. I really believed God had told me He was going to get it to Kona. Whaaaaat? That just seemed "too big" to me. How the heck? But I had a buddy move to another island, and as we spoke one night he told me that is exactly what he had done with his truck. I told him I needed the details about how that had worked. He gave them to me, and as I googled different options I found that it would cost $1025. to ship. Well- I have seen Him do greater things, but still it seemed like an awfully lot. I came home, weeks went by... finally I came to exactly four weeks until I had to return to Kona. I prayed, "Oh, Lord... I know you are never late, but I sure would appreciate you being early on this one. I really don't want to have to get down to the wire wondering, 'is this actually going to happen' or what arrangements I need to make for my truck, or sell it...? Well THAT AFTERNOON I got a text from some dear supporters and friends of mine. She said, "I have your support for this month- how do you want it? OR if you feel that you have your monthly expenses met for the year, we could give it to you in a lump sum which would get your truck over..." I WAS FLOORED. FLOORED!!! "Um... YES PLEASE!" I wasn't positive of the exact dollar support for my monthly expenses but I knew that God was not going to leave me hanging. She gave me the check. I have booked the date to drop my truck off in Oakland, Ca... and they will ship it to Hilo, HI. I will have to get a ride to the other side of the island to pick it up. I need to pay for gas for the person who takes me to Oakland and the person who takes me to Hilo- but its happening! It's really happening!! I got new car insurance that is MUCH less than the previous insurance that I had (we won't go into that story)! I am a sistah that is hooked up! Having a vehicle will bless the school, students with needs, and of course, me personally!! I still plan on walking where I can, but actually getting to see some of the island this year is an exciting thought!! woot woot!!!
I continue to be grateful for the prayers and support I have received. It feels so amazing to see and feel God's hand so completely upon me. Why do we choose to live anywhere but the center of His will? It is astounding! Even as I write that I know that the boldness in saying so will rouse the heart of my enemy to lash out at me with temptations to get me side tracked. This is his ammo and how he functions. Tough Turkey Toes. God is my provider and my protector! I will cry His name from the mountain tops giving Him Glory for ALL He has done and continues to do!!! More, Lord!! I want MORE OF YOU AND OF YOUR SPIRIT!!! I cannot wait to see lives changed and healing come in YOUR Mighty Name in this next season! I embrace my own season of wellness and know that all of the suffering has been for the sake of the call that will work together for good! This is a lot of exclamation points but I am excited!
Love you guys- xoxo
I have told myself day after day 'just blog, Leah! Write a blog!' but... I haven't. Obviously. I'm positive no one's lives have been that greatly affected by this fact so I have kinda let myself slide but for those of you who are so gracious to keep up, I sincerely do apologize.
What a crazy ride being home for these summer weeks has been. I return to Kona in just two short weeks and feel the anxiety of all of the meetings I still need to have. Praise God, however that all I came home to accomplish- by His grace- has been accomplished!! I have insurance for this next year, both car and health, I have gained the support of a committed few to be members of the Team that will be regularly praying and some financially supporting the kingdom work that God is doing in my life. I taught the Inductive Bible Study Seminar last Saturday and after much stress I can say it went well. It was a small turnout but I am absolutely confident it was exactly what God would have it be. I confess I dropped the ball on better advertisement as my trepidation got the better of me. I have visited with family and friends, held my beloved dogs and cat, touched base with those who are dear to me and had the overwhelming miracle of God confirming His word of sending my truck over to Hawaii become a reality!! THAT is the story I will tell...
As some of you have read I was debating selling my beloved truck. I know we are not supposed to have treasures on earth. Getting this truck was a miracle in itself. I have had it for 10 years now. It is literally my only asset. I have held loosely and given up most of the ties that bound me to go to Kona and invest my life in serving God and in His Word. This last season I was praying about selling my truck. I made a further two year commitment to be in Kona and I was not willing to pay the (ever increasing) price of having it just sit in my mother's drive way- which wasn't good for the truck, or for my pocketbook. I really believed God had told me He was going to get it to Kona. Whaaaaat? That just seemed "too big" to me. How the heck? But I had a buddy move to another island, and as we spoke one night he told me that is exactly what he had done with his truck. I told him I needed the details about how that had worked. He gave them to me, and as I googled different options I found that it would cost $1025. to ship. Well- I have seen Him do greater things, but still it seemed like an awfully lot. I came home, weeks went by... finally I came to exactly four weeks until I had to return to Kona. I prayed, "Oh, Lord... I know you are never late, but I sure would appreciate you being early on this one. I really don't want to have to get down to the wire wondering, 'is this actually going to happen' or what arrangements I need to make for my truck, or sell it...? Well THAT AFTERNOON I got a text from some dear supporters and friends of mine. She said, "I have your support for this month- how do you want it? OR if you feel that you have your monthly expenses met for the year, we could give it to you in a lump sum which would get your truck over..." I WAS FLOORED. FLOORED!!! "Um... YES PLEASE!" I wasn't positive of the exact dollar support for my monthly expenses but I knew that God was not going to leave me hanging. She gave me the check. I have booked the date to drop my truck off in Oakland, Ca... and they will ship it to Hilo, HI. I will have to get a ride to the other side of the island to pick it up. I need to pay for gas for the person who takes me to Oakland and the person who takes me to Hilo- but its happening! It's really happening!! I got new car insurance that is MUCH less than the previous insurance that I had (we won't go into that story)! I am a sistah that is hooked up! Having a vehicle will bless the school, students with needs, and of course, me personally!! I still plan on walking where I can, but actually getting to see some of the island this year is an exciting thought!! woot woot!!!
I continue to be grateful for the prayers and support I have received. It feels so amazing to see and feel God's hand so completely upon me. Why do we choose to live anywhere but the center of His will? It is astounding! Even as I write that I know that the boldness in saying so will rouse the heart of my enemy to lash out at me with temptations to get me side tracked. This is his ammo and how he functions. Tough Turkey Toes. God is my provider and my protector! I will cry His name from the mountain tops giving Him Glory for ALL He has done and continues to do!!! More, Lord!! I want MORE OF YOU AND OF YOUR SPIRIT!!! I cannot wait to see lives changed and healing come in YOUR Mighty Name in this next season! I embrace my own season of wellness and know that all of the suffering has been for the sake of the call that will work together for good! This is a lot of exclamation points but I am excited!
Love you guys- xoxo
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