I Don't Want to Get Out!

 I don’t want to get out.  It’s a problem. 

In the morning I am in that half waking state between dreams and reality and realize it’s almost time to get up.  I think to myself, ‘I don’t want to get out of bed.’  It’s warm and cozy.  I love dreaming.  My dog is soft and snoozing beside me.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I get up and use every ounce of self-discipline and maturity I can muster to do the right thing and take my pajamas off in spite of the cold.  Brrr, I hate the cold.  I don’t want to get out of my pajamas.  They are comfy and soft but I have to take a shower.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I get out of my pajamas and pop into the shower.  Thank God for hot water. What did people do before?  How did they muster the courage to wash anything in cold weather with cold water?!  God bless them I am grateful to live in the 21^st century where I can crank that knob all the way to hot and wait just a minute before the steam is rolling out.  I pop in the shower and handle my biniss.  Then it happens.  I’m done…but I don’t want to get out.  I don’t want to get out of the warm water.  Cold air hitting my wet body is not my favorite thing.  It becomes the game of ‘how fast can I dry off and grab my robe before I’m ‘too’ cold? I don’t want to get out of the warm shower…but… I do. 

I get ready, walk the dog & pray, make the breakfast, and watch the clock until the inevitable happens.  I have to get out of the house.  I don’t want to get out of the house.  Some people are morning people and God bless them…but I’m not.  I’d rather sip some decaf, read a morning devotional, take my leisurely time to pray and pet my dog.  But no, I have to get out.  Get out of the house and make the money to HAVE a home, decaf, and my dog.  Yes, decaf, people.  Is that seriously all you can focus on?  I don’t want to get out of the house…but… I do.

Into the car, listen to some great tunes, shoot up some more prayers and get to work.  Depending on the song… seriously… I don’t want to get out.  The Eagles; Hotel California.  Queen; Bohemian Rhapsody.  Billy Joel; Piano Man. Phil Collins; Against All Odds. You can’t just turn that off.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I’m really blessed to work in a place where we pray at the start of each day.  We share prayer requests and lift up ministry issues.  Then we worship.  We put on a song and enter into the presence of God.  It’s one thing to pray at home, to linger in the presence of the Spirit and receive revelation for life, but at work with so many like-minded believers there is an open heaven.  It’s like the domain that has been carved out by long hours of intercession and intentionality allows for a fullness I’ve rarely reached on my own.  When the Spirit is flowing… I don’t want to get out.  I know there’s work to be done and I can feel it nagging at me.  I know there is someone sitting to my right and my left but somehow they fade away.  When the right lyrics touch my personal situation and I understand so clearly the direction God is taking me I simply do not want to get out of that moment.  I want more.  More of the peace that surpasses ALL of my understanding.  More of the divine dizziness that causes me to feel light headed.  More of the conversation that comes so clearly when I am pressing into Him.  More.  More.  More.  I do not want to get out and go back to work, back to what calls.  Back to the hustle and bustle of life.  I’m benefitted for having been there and never leave with less than I entered in with. 

I don’t want to get out… and I don’t really have to.  His presence is the one thing I don’t really have to get out of.  I don’t have to leave Him behind.  I don’t have to exit the peace.  I don’t have to leave the warmth, the comfort or the grace. 

I don’t want to get out… so I don’t. 

Worst Date... Ever.

I just had the worst date…. Ever.  I met this guy on Match.com.  Couldn’t believe he just popped up from nowhere and seemed so spot on what I seek.  He hears the Father’s voice, he flows in the spirit.  He plays guitar and worships to Bethel music!  He has a dog and spoke of being the Alpha.  Yeah, baby, yeah!  He is a veteran and counsels those coming home with PTSD.  He knows the bible and told me to bring mine on our date!  Wait, what?  Wow… 

Then… I got there.  I wasn’t overly attracted to him but he is far from ugly.  It was a bit awkward but… okay… I don’t really date so of course it could be.  We looked over the menus.  I found that when he asked me a question he didn’t really give me time to completely answer before telling me something scriptural about what I’d just said.  Then he started quizzing me.  “What did satan say to Eve in the garden?”  and “What did God say when he created man?”  Each time I would answer him and he would delve past what I said as if I had the wrong answer or didn’t really know why it was the right answer.  Finally, I decided to just listen.  I was already having thoughts like, ‘Oh, man.  I have to sit through a whole meal of this?’ and ‘when do I get to say… um… thanks but no thanks.’  Thank God I had asked for my own tab so I wouldn’t owe him anything!  After about 10 minutes of him teaching me about identity in Christ I just decided to be honest.

I put my hands up in the classic ‘I’ve been triggered and had enough’ pose.  Otherwise known as a double “stop” sign.

“Look,”  I started, “I hear you and I appreciate what you’re saying.  As a matter of fact I don’t disagree with much of what you are saying, but, I know who I am in Christ.  I am a hard core lover of Jesus Christ and I know who I am in Him.  I feel like you are more interested in educating me than getting to know… me.  So, can we just have a normal conversation?  I mean… we are 10 minutes into this thing, can we just, talk?” 

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do…” he says, “I’m going to walk away.”  He grabbed his phone and glasses and started to scoot out of the booth.  I thought he meant he was going to give me a minute- to not be overwhelmed or something.  I said, “Oh, you don’t have to do that…” and he stands up saying, “I’m not going to play that with you.” 

“Play that?”  He is mumbling.  “Richard-“ I said… and yes, that’s his real name… “Richard- this is just me being honest with you!”  No response.  The boy could not get away fast enough.  Now mind you… he’s 45 years old.  I cannot believe how immature some ‘men’ still are.  He couldn’t handle confrontation on the mildest level. 

I sat in shock for no longer than 15 seconds before a waitress walked by.  I grabbed her and asked her to just cancel my order.  He, on the other hand, had received his soup and salad and already devoured the salad…without praying may I add!  Haha  Immediately the food came.  I asked the guy to put it in to go boxes.  My original waitress came back and told me, “Your food is already prepared.” 

“Yes… just…bring me the check, please.  I asked the guy to give me to go boxes.”

Then I just sat there.  In shock.  Literally, in shock.  I felt like I had been punched in the gut and now I had to pay for it! 

My phone dinged the text sound and looking at it Richard had texted me saying, “You’re scary.  You get overwhelmed by the word of God” with a laughing/crying face.  Like I was the joke.  Un…believe…able.  Obviously I didn’t respond even though I have about a dozen things I’d like to say to him. Try, I don't get overwhelmed by the word of God...just your presentation of it!  And people wonder WHY Christians have such a bad wrap!!  UGH!!!

The check came, I paid it, got both our meals to go and left.  Sat in my car and…called my Mom.  I mean, it’s what you do. 

This guy, who could do nothing but try to teach me what he knew, that I couldn’t possibly know, was telling me about identity in Christ yet didn’t have enough security in his own identity in Christ that he wasn’t bolting for the door the second a perceived attack on his manhood came into play.  It’s frightening.  Most single men don’t walk in strong faith and the ones that do are… weird. 

Two dates in a year and ½ and people wonder why I don’t go out?  Gee… I wonder. 

You're Approved.

I really don’t know where to begin.  How do you address 7 years of suffering and lessons in one blog?

If you know me at all you know that for the last 7 years I have been under an IRS debt that was created by my exes lack of paying his personal and business taxes.  I didn’t know it.  Lame but true.  When I did find out it was by the IRS levying my wages in 2010.  That year alone they took $20 of the $27k I earned.  It was brutal to say the least.  I filed two Innocent Spouse claims and lost both.  When it came down to one mark for me and one against me the agent decided against me.  When I asked ‘why she would do that’ she answered, “Because you trusted him.”  Ouch.  Okay.  So on went the struggle. 
Over the years God has given me different promises and spoken words of hope and restoration to me.  I have clung to and buried every one in my heart. 

This is the 7^th year of this state.  Seven is the biblical symbol of completion.  Perfection.  In October I filed an Offer in Compromise with the IRS showing them the reality of my finances and asking for relief.  Asking that the over $31k I have paid up to this point be sufficient.  I have believed that this will be the answer.  I have put every ounce of my confidence in the fact that THIS will be the end. That I will be restored to ‘being a grown up’ as I call it; capable of functioning in an upright manner.  There has been no doubt.  When fear crept in I would rebuke it.  When hesitation was whispered I denied it.  Every egg in this one basket. 

Several weeks ago I prayed, growing impatient.  “Lord, I believe You.  I believe. I believe. I believe… but… can I just have a confirmation from your word to assure me?”  Deuteronomy 16:9 went through my mind.  Okay.  I read it.  It begins, “You shall count 7 weeks…”  I counted out 7 weeks on the calendar- January 21.  I started the long count down of 7 weeks.  As I drove to church the next morning I heard Him say, “One week for every year you have suffered.”  Longest 7 weeks ever.

Finally the seventh week came.  Jan. 21^st was a Saturday so I didn’t expect any news.  That weekend I listed to a link that my co-worker had given me about entering the courts of heaven and approaching God as The Judge.  Not as Abba (Daddy), not as Father (the disciplinarian who will prune you for your own sake), not as Friend (as Jesus describes us in John 15:15), but as Judge.  The one who determines justice when the accuser has a legal case against us.  It rocked my world.  I listened, I cried, I repented and I approached The Judge with confidence. 

“Your Honor… I come to you and ask for justice to be served.  By the promises You have given me (and I listed them.)  By the righteousness of my hands because of the sacrifice of Your Son, my Lawyer…”  I came out of any agreements I had made with the enemy regarding this state, the IRS, my ex, anything, everything… and felt the shift. 

The next day was Monday and I fully expected a letter in the mail.  Nothing.

Tuesday.  Nothing.  Wednesday.  Nothing.  Thursday… “Now, Lord….” as if He needed a reminder, “Saturday will be 8 weeks.  You said 7.”  That evening I opened an email from someone who had run my credit regarding housing.  I had told her about the lien and that it would come up.  She emailed me with a subject line that read, “You’re Approved.”  Excuse me?  I’m never approved.  No one will touch me.  My credit score is good… but the IRS lien is a block wall.  Her email asked, “Is this all you owe?”  with a total in the hundreds.  The IRS debt read “PAID.”  Paid???   P-A-I-D.

I ran out to the mailbox still thinking the news would come in letterform.  Nothing.  Still… a third party had run my credit and it showed paid!!  I wept for an hour.  Wept doesn’t describe what I did.  I did the ugly face, gut wrenching, fetal position on the floor, dog wondering if you are okay cry.  For an hour.  I cried on the toilet.  I cried in the shower.  I cried in the middle of the entry hall floor.  I cried against the wall.  I cried until I literally had no tears.  My eyes ached and were sensitive for two days from all the crying I did. 

“I knew it.  I KNEW You wouldn’t make me live under that forever!  I knew it!”

The next morning I called the IRS to make an appointment to go in and pay whatever portion remained of the Compromise.  The woman I spoke to was the nicest IRS agent I have ever spoken to.  Another Miracle!!  She called me ‘baby’ no less then 4 times.  She was obviously African American and felt Southern.  I instinctively answered her with ‘yes, ma’am.’  She was kind and explanatory.  She spoke slowly and caressed me with her gentle words.  “No, baby… that’s not what I asked you.  What I asked you was…” I cried because she was so kind.  It was the perfect ending.  But her loving words didn’t end the saga.  According to their records it was still showing the compromise as ‘pending.’  According to her information it still showed that I owe the full amount.  She said there was a freeze of all IRS process between Dec. 24-Jan. 24 because of the new tax season and holidays.  Anything accomplished during that time may take a delay to come through.  “You just sit tight, baby.  If they told you February, then they will let you know.”  Sit tight?  Sit tight?!  Lord have mercy!!  I thanked her for her abundant kindness complimenting her as the best IRS contact I have EVER had.  She was gracious and asked if I had been mistreated.  There was no way to go into that.  I simply thanked her again for being stellar. 

I know it is accomplished.  God said 7 weeks and 7 weeks it was.  Now I wait for the IRS to bring their paperwork into alignment with what God has vindicated in the heavenlies.  

When God says, 'You're Approved;' YOU'RE APPROVED. 

I praise You God for Your faithfulness.

I praise You for handling everything I cannot.

I praise You for the beginning of the rest of my life.

I praise You…simply because You are You.  How grateful I am for YOU. 

Hannah Pearl

I apologize.

I started this last year with the gung-ho intention of writing more frequently.  I could not have imagined how packed the last 6 months of the year would be.  I haven’t written because when I do I want to remain as true as possible to my experiences and yet maintain the privacy of the ministry I have been interning for.  It has been an intense time with a windfall of experiences and emotions.  It has all worked together for the healing of my soul and a cleaner existence to be sure.  I’m going to have to find the balance and be able to share all God is doing and maintain proper anonymity of those now in my life. 

Let’s just talk about the amazing weekend I’ve had which started with my dear friend Hannah Pearl.  Hannah Pearl is British.  She must be in her 70’s and is absolutely gorgeous.  I mean it.  Her hair is short, white, and completely stylish.  She is petite and her make up is perfect.  She is encouraging and flows in the gifts of the Spirit as easily as she breathes.  I was honored to have lunch with her (she invited me for ‘tea’).  She asked me questions and spoke to me of my Father’s love.  We asked how the other came to be in Arizona and about marriage.  When I complimented her on her red sweater, saying it was exactly the kind I like, she gave it to me.  Refusing was futile.  It is instantly one of my favorites, more because of the giver than the gift itself.  Needless to say, being the crier that I am, I teared my way through the hour and ½.   Shocker, I know.  (Stop laughing and rolling your eyes, Octoli.)  But the greatest part came right at the end before I left. 

“I want to play a song for you” she said.  “It’s not a song with words, it’s just a tune…for you.”  “Okay!”  I exclaimed.  “Just sit there and close your eyes,” she instructed, “and we’ll see what the Lord will do.”  She paused and prayed, “Thank you, Papa… I just praise You and Thank You, Lord.  I offer up these hands, Father, and I juuust ask that You would flow, flow, flow through me, Father… for Leah today.  Thank You, Jesus.  Thank You, Jesus.”  Already moved by the sweetness of her heart and tenderness of her words what came next brought something I have never experienced before.  Four full minutes of a tune never before played that felt as personal as anything I’ve ever been, done, or imagined.  Every note strummed a piece of my heart.  I could see clearly the ups and downs of my journey all encompassed with…joy!  Joy!!!  Overwhelming love presented through joy. 

Joy is something I have a hard time maintaining and told Hannah Pearl so afterwards.  Yet in the midst of this heavenly performance I couldn’t do anything but feel the love and pure, uninhibited, joy!  I could hear the Lord perfectly say, ‘It’s all meantime.’  Like everything I strive for and worry about is so…simple.  It’s all meantime… no matter where I work or what I do.  No matter where I live or how I plan… it’s all meantime.  The big things- the truly important things WILL COME.  They will flow as naturally as life itself because my focus is on Him and His plans for me are ordered.  Mind you all of this understanding came in an instant.  A knowing.  As peaceful and settled as any secure, organized agenda I could produce.  PRAISE GOD for voice recording on smart phones!!  I recorded the whole thing.  I want to have it transcribed and copy righted!!  Framed!

Afterwards Hannah Pearl shared with me what she felt as she played, ‘the Father’s Love, love, love for me’ and really that ‘the sky is the limit.’  I’m accepting this as cruciality in my life.  Let’s see what the Lord will do, indeed. 

Miracles Happen

My 40 day fast ends in two days and as always… God is faithful. 

He has absolutely given direction and how grateful I am for some new irons in the fire!  As with many transitions there are bittersweet aspects but I am so ready for a new season…bring it!  But first… as promised; MIRACLES HAPPEN. 

So my bestie from Kona is getting married.  She lives in Canada and as I have mentioned a gazillion-jiggabilllion times I have not been in the most money making season of my life, hehe.  But my bestie asked me to be IN the party and even if she didn’t- of course- I want to go!!  So how would I EVER be able to afford it?  I asked for a miracle. 

I’m not sure if you guys believe in God’s economy.  The whole tithing and gifts thing.  But I DO.  His word is perfectly clear on the matter.  Nowhere in the New Testament are we commanded to tithe but it is a principle of faith.  It’s a discipline that is meant to teach us and contribute to developing our character.  It’s the only place in the bible that God actually says, “Test me in this!”  Malachi 3:10, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”  I don’t know about ya’ll… but… I could stand for the floodgates of heaven to be poured out in my direction, right?!! Granted, He is talking about food…the ‘first fruits’ of the crops and harvest so that everyone will have enough.  In that not all of us are farmers, the ‘first fruits’ of our culture tends to be money. So even when things are painfully tight… I choose to exercise what I know to be true.  You cannot out give God.  I have tested Him in this…and He never fails to give it back to me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying there haven’t been times where I was so hurting that I cried out, “Lord!  I know You see me.  I know You see this situation.  Have I not tithed?  Have I not been faithful? Please!! Open the floodgates already!”  NOT that He needs my reminders but His timing is not always as I would prefer it.  And the blessing doesn’t always come back in money.  Favor is favor.  (Not to say I am trying to pay for His favor…good heavens, no.)  At any rate… I asked for a miracle. 

Even in my poverty someone said to me, “You know… I know God understands when you are that broke that you don’t give the full tithe.”  And it’s true.  He does understand.  But 10% is only a lot when you are giving it.  It really isn’t that much when you are applying it to all the everyday stuff.  It’s called Sacrifice for a reason.  I’m sorry… I feel myself making this about tithing and it is SO NOT.  As a matter of fact, tithing is a VERY personal thing and people come to it…or don’t… at different times. Again…it’s a principle of faith. 

The point is… the floodgates of heaven have been poured out upon me and… I have to give Him GLORY!!!

I have a friend who lives in Norway.  I met her in Kona as well.  We actually only got together like 2 or 3 times before she left.  We barely had time to deepen the connection we both felt.  She messaged me recently saying that she was coming to Las Vegas for a wedding and how close was it to me?  ugh.  So close and yet so far away.  I can’t afford to drive to Vegas.  I can’t afford to take the time off of work and even if I did I wouldn’t have the gas money or extra for accommodations and food.  So I had to break it to her that I couldn’t afford it, how sorry I was, and that I was praying for a miracle to make it to a wedding myself this summer. 

A couple of days later she messages me that she is not coming to Vegas after all…but ‘there is no reason why one us of shouldn’t make it to our wedding this summer.  How much did I need to comfortably make it?’  My American, hard-working, prideful initial response was to say, ‘Noooooo.’ But… I had asked for a miracle.  You can’t ask God to rescue you and then not accept it. (Like the old joke about the guy on the roof in a flood, right?) So… I told her how much tickets were (about $600.) and that ‘I would never expect her to give that much and thank you for the consideration.’ She responds, “It’s just really clear to me that I don’t own anything.  It is all God’s and how He chooses to take care of His children, is really up to Him.  So, I try to obey even if awkward, hoping it will be less awkward over time, because it is really wonderful to feel Him taking care of us with the material stuff as well as the spiritual.”  She continued, “I asked Him about how much and I felt Him saying $1000.  But I was like, ‘what if that’s not enough?  What if she needs $1500?... $1000. it is.”

$1000.???!!!!!  DOLLARS?!!!!!! I would call that a miracle, boys and girls.  Flat out.  She wrote, “I don’t think it is a coincidence that I reached out at this moment, and the funny part is that I was considering spending money on a wedding…Little did I know God was planning for me to spend the money on a wedding, just not the one I had in mind.” 

How absolutely humbling it is to receive.  I never, ever get over how abundant God is and how generous people can be.  It is the hardest thing to receive such gifts- but the truth is- if I had it go give, I so would!!  And the blessing that the giver receives is abundant also.  To know that without your gift they would not be able…is a feeling like no other.  To be used by God in His orchestration.  #priceless. 

So, MIRACLES HAPPEN.  They truly do.  Thank you, my dearest Norwegian Friend!!!  I have no words; but trust that God in His glorious riches will convey the magnitude of my emotions and gratitude in ways that He alone can.  I pray His richest blessings upon you and grant you favor.  I thank you, my bestie thanks you, everyone who will be inspired by your faith and obedience thank you!  You, sister, are the real deal.  (((HUG)))  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

This girl is Canada bound.   

All I want is just to know Your heart..

So… I’m starting this 40 day fast. 

It’s not because I am some spiritual giant.  I have been feeling the tug to do a ‘Silence and Solitude’ but am not really at leisure to make that happen so-when a beloved friend of mine started talking about his desire for a spiritual revival and fasting the next forty days it didn’t take much for me to chime in… ME TOO! Iron sharpens iron and I love it!!

So, for me, a fast is not generally food.  I can fast sugar, or something specific but I need protein every few hours so when I fast it tends to be things like ‘all TV, secular music, any outside source of influence’ sort of gig and it never fails to be powerful.  So today is day 1 of No Netflix (gasp!- she’s so brave!) or anything aforementioned, with the exception of sermons, messages, lessons, and perhaps the Giants and Warriors… I’m not sure, hehe.

I’m seeking some clarity on big issues.  When aren’t we, right? 

But I so desperately need direction and I KNOW God is faithful to give it so I am digging down, pressing in, seeking hard after His heart.  I found this song recently on YOUTUBE.  I love that Bethel church posts their worship because you can soak for loooong periods of time which is what it takes for me to settle down and find the sweet spot.  Putting the concerns of the day and the laundry list aside to feel His presence and enter into His courts with thanksgiving and praise.  The lyrics are, “All I want is just to know Your heart so will You keep me here until we’re one.”  Over and over: All I want is just to know Your heart so will You keep me here until we’re one.  I know sometimes in modern worship people get annoyed by singing the same thing over and over again and I get that.  Sometimes it’s too much for me too, but sometimes… sometimes… it frees you from thought and allows a true meditation of the words being sung to soak into your soul and meet healing.  Submission to them, agreement with their sentiment until it is truly your hearts cry.  All I want is just to know You more so will You keep me here until we’re one.  ALL I WANT IS JUST TO KNOW YOU MORE SO WILL YOU KEEP ME HERE UNTIL WE’RE ONE!!!  This fast is an attempt to do just that.  Come to the place of knowing Him and being willing to set aside anything that hinders and run full force into His heart and will. 

Please, please pray that He will grant me the grace of addressing any and all that needs to be addressed and come out with a clear direction for this next season.

I will keep you posted ;)

Here’s the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H9AcCXZMVs

The part I refer to starts at about 19:20 but if you can I encourage the whole ride. 

Welcome Aboard or Get Off....

I started last year on a spiritual high.  Learning and growing more in the first 40 days than ever before.  Miracles, signs, and wonders.  I ended the year in a brief spiritual battle over the same old wound- my heart and the love of a man. 

I live my life under the rule, “Every man is a NO until God tells me YES.”  I started this rule for a simple fact… my picker is broken.   I have a co-dependent tendency to be in relationship with those who have yet to come into a healthy walk themselves.  Hey… we all have brokenness.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Especially if we are seeking wellness or how to be better.  But my tendency is to see brokenness and want so desperately to comfort it that I sacrifice myself.  I know better.  So- my ‘every man is a No’ rule is a personal boundary that insures that the next time I am in relationship it will be with the ONE that I am called to be in relationship with.  Oh, it is hard sometimes to wait… for years… but sometimes it has been really easy. 

I had a friend recently ask me, “So… it really exists?  That place with God where He is enough?”  I want to say a loud and clear YES!!!  I can honestly say that in the dead center of an intimate flow with God there is a sweetness that NOTHING compares to.  Not arms around you, not sex, no chocolate covered goodness, no strong margarita.  No compliment on your looks, no crowd’s applause after a good delivery.  It’s untouchable and complete.  There is favor and provision.  Purity and grace unexplainable.  And I can sincerely say I have been there.

It’s when I start looking to the world or old fixes that I grow discontent.  It’s when whatever it is I am seeking is NEVER enough.  Ever.  The sweet words stop.  The touches end.  The texts don’t come and the bowl is finished.  The bottle is empty or the movie is over.  Reality sets in and I am again; lonely. 

The thing is… I may stumble, I may grow weak; but I will not be moved.  The stability I know exists in the center of the sweetest fellowship I have ever known holds me.  It comforts all loss or struggle.  Brings reason to chaos.  Peace in the lack of health.  And… healing.  Physical, emotional, spiritual… HEALING.  Resolution, recompense.  And… HOPE.  Belief.  I know that I know that I KNOW that there will come a day where I am flowing in the full stream that my life was created to be.  I am the only one who has caused seasons to go wrong by acting out of wounds made by trauma of my sin or sin committed against me.  (Don’t get bent of the word sin.  It simply means ‘to miss the mark’ in Greek.  We ALL miss the mark sometimes.) 

My point is this:  Do I blow it?  Yeah, for sure.  We all do.  Do I hate it? Yep.  I am grateful that it happens less and less in these days but it seems that when I do…it’s a biggie.  A blow-out with someone or a choice that causes pain.  But I will not stop fighting, believing, trusting, and knowing that I am on the right team and the right side of this fight. 

I’m going to be writing/vlogging more this year.  Not out of vanity, I assure you.  But because I have been encouraged to and asked to more than I could express and if my struggles and revelations, by grace, offer you something- then I am more than willing to share them.  All I know is how to be honest, so hang on.  My challenge will be to keep boundaries on what doesn’t need to be said.  You know I’m all about Jesus… so just know that it will almost always end up there.  Welcome aboard or get off my crazy train because He is always my destination. 

Grace and Peace, friends.  Happy New Year 2016.