I have to start w/ a sigh. What a day getting here was.
I tried to go to sleep the night before by 10p...but I couldn't sleep. I had my alarm set for 2:30a but couldn't sleep past 2a. I got up and my friend's husband (who works in San Jose, where I flew out of) picked me up at 4:15a. I always forget that when I travel, my body gets a bit whacked out...stress and such. So my tummy was 'off' and without thinking, I had thai food for dinner the evening before, so my bowels were off. Oh, yeah. Good way to start a trip.
We made good time and were at the airport early for my 7:40am flight. No worries. Boarded fine, left on time, good flight, hallelujah. I was really praying for a good landing because w/ my tummy, if we had a bad landing, I'd be yanked for the rest of the day. The food on the plane wasn't free, only sodas were free. Good thing I had brought an apple and some nuts, but by the time we landed, I was hungry!
I was the first person the waiting YWAM people had all day! That was fun, but there were actually several of us on that plane.
After getting to the base, I have to say, registration was less than wonderful. I am sure they tried very hard and organized as well as possible for so many new students, but they took our luggage from the airport and didn't tell us where to find it or where it went. The couple registering for the class in front of me had funky insurance so it took forever for them to register...one of those, 'if I had been here two minutes earlier' things, I would have registered first...but...trying NOT to be cranky and tired from not eating, I sat quietly and tried to be patient...NOT one of my strong suits. Finally, I got registered, found my luggage and a kid in great shape helped me to my room. I say 'great shape' because we are on the side of an inactive volcano mountain. Everything on this campus is at an incline... oh, yes...the Lord will have me get in shape yet! ha!
It was so much hotter than I expected. I never have minded humidity... but 83 degrees at home is certainly not 83 degrees here... oh my gosh, it felt like 95. Plus, the humidity made my bangs curly... my bangs!! Like, it is THAT humid!!! Dry side of the island, my foot! So now after the week it took me to put my dreads in, I am seriously thinking I will take the whole weekend to take them out... hope I can get to a Walmart for some conditioner and other products.
I have, in one day, experienced that feeling of, 'oh, crud, so much of what I brought was wrong.' you just don't know until you know... I can't see wearing jeans here. Granted, I haven't gone thru a January evening yet, but, it's sticky, like Japan... I just don't see it. I also brought cotton shorts, like, casual work out shorts, not quite sweats, but thick cotton. Oh, no. No. And my brand new sleeping bag is not polyester inside, it is a soft material...so... it's warm. Hahahahahahah. Oh, my. ALL OF THIS WILL BE FINE...it's just that stuff you can't possibly know... oye.
So we finally get some lunch...kim chee and korean bbq chicken, omgosh, the chicken was so good and I praised God for the protein!!! Until they hit my unsettled bowels about an hour later while I was walking around checking out the campus. Where are the bathrooms?!! Can I make it to my room waaaaay over there? "Oh, Lord, please.... pleeeeeaaase."
I met a few of my room mates and had dinner and a walk w/ two of them. I can already tell I am in love with Sumalee. She is from Thailand. The cool thing is she is 51! So much for being the oldest one here!! There are families and people of all ages here...age is no factor. I was so excited because until late last night...I was the only white chick in my dorm room. The other white chick is from Switzerland... so technically, I think she is whiter than me! ;) Last night at dinner, I was the only white person at our table. I had a moment. It's so stinkin' cool. There are over 150 Korean students starting a bi-lingual DTS (disciple training school) this quarter, so it is overwhelming.
Sleeping was...okay... I thought I would sleep like a rock...but the campus was crazy w/ registration (right below our window) until late, and without exaggeration, screaming, laughing, clapping, you name it. I was trying to go to sleep at 7p, 10p our time, but my ear plugs...didn't help. My bunk is also smack in the middle of the room, no, really. So, lights, talking, you name it... I felt it.
But God is goood! And things will settle down! I have a beautiful view and am looking forward to finding my own quiet spot.
Thank you for my 'adjustment' prayers... I need them!!
Please pray for my body to adjust, for my heart and attitude... and for my dreads to come out easily ;)
I appreciate it so so so much... xo
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Home; and being Ready.
I'm actually WAY too tired to be writing an entry right now, but daggnabbit, if I don't, I'm not sure when I will... I am so pooped! Packing up what feels like a bit too many clothes for the next 9 months and fitting more into one day than is probably healthy... preparing, preparing, preparing.
As you may or may not know, the IRS and I have been at fisticuffs (how do you spell fisticuffs?) for the last... well... for years now. I was taken severe advantage of and am now paying the price on more levels than is appropriate, but that enemy... he comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and boy has he had a lot of practice. He's pretty good at it. But not good enough to take what isn't his... my hope. My trust. My knowledge that he is actually the loser and I, by ordinance, am the winner. Halla!!! Now if I could only convince the IRS... anyhoo... I had a couple of claims for justice to be served and they have officially denied me. I truly hoped this would all be cleared up and resolved before I left for school, but now, on top of the intensive course I am getting ready to step into I have to continue a battle with enemies greater than myself in the spiritual and physical realm. Good times. If you haven't caught on yet... I hate to be the one to inform you that we absolutely live in a world at War. There is no retreat. We must arm ourselves. (John Eldredge, Waking the Dead)
I am sitting in the room I grew up in. The room I came home to as a baby and left when I was 18. The room I hid chewed up bubble gum on the inside wall of the closet at age 5, when I wasn't supposed to have it. This is where I played w/ my barbies and had sleep overs. Here is where I have done most of my wondering and primping. These walls have witnessed my madness, my sadness, and everything in between. I have come 'home' after each traumatic event in my life, and after rejuvenation, headed out into the world for the next round.
I left at 18, and came home at 22. I left at 24, and came home at 30. I left at 33 and came home at 40. Don't think that didn't hurt. How grateful I am for this home. For the Mother who has allowed me to return, whether she lived here or not...my Brother who has allowed me to return, we always did make great roommates. My only earthly possessions packed up in the garage, simplified, and condensed.
Looking at my 'pack stack' and things yet to do, I am ready. Ready for the dorm, ready to share a bathroom with strangers that will soon be family. I'm ready for hours of homework and reports, sunsets and quiet time. I'm ready. I'm tired...but I'm ready. Remind me I said that in a few months ;)
As you may or may not know, the IRS and I have been at fisticuffs (how do you spell fisticuffs?) for the last... well... for years now. I was taken severe advantage of and am now paying the price on more levels than is appropriate, but that enemy... he comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and boy has he had a lot of practice. He's pretty good at it. But not good enough to take what isn't his... my hope. My trust. My knowledge that he is actually the loser and I, by ordinance, am the winner. Halla!!! Now if I could only convince the IRS... anyhoo... I had a couple of claims for justice to be served and they have officially denied me. I truly hoped this would all be cleared up and resolved before I left for school, but now, on top of the intensive course I am getting ready to step into I have to continue a battle with enemies greater than myself in the spiritual and physical realm. Good times. If you haven't caught on yet... I hate to be the one to inform you that we absolutely live in a world at War. There is no retreat. We must arm ourselves. (John Eldredge, Waking the Dead)
I am sitting in the room I grew up in. The room I came home to as a baby and left when I was 18. The room I hid chewed up bubble gum on the inside wall of the closet at age 5, when I wasn't supposed to have it. This is where I played w/ my barbies and had sleep overs. Here is where I have done most of my wondering and primping. These walls have witnessed my madness, my sadness, and everything in between. I have come 'home' after each traumatic event in my life, and after rejuvenation, headed out into the world for the next round.
I left at 18, and came home at 22. I left at 24, and came home at 30. I left at 33 and came home at 40. Don't think that didn't hurt. How grateful I am for this home. For the Mother who has allowed me to return, whether she lived here or not...my Brother who has allowed me to return, we always did make great roommates. My only earthly possessions packed up in the garage, simplified, and condensed.
Looking at my 'pack stack' and things yet to do, I am ready. Ready for the dorm, ready to share a bathroom with strangers that will soon be family. I'm ready for hours of homework and reports, sunsets and quiet time. I'm ready. I'm tired...but I'm ready. Remind me I said that in a few months ;)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Nathan
So every morning as I drove to work I would see this guy walking. Every day. I rarely miss a day at work, so when I say everyday, I mean I saw this guy every day.
He had his case and his quick pace. He was on a mission to somewhere and he was consistent in getting there. I admire this guy. I don't know a lick about him but anyone who walks to where they need to go and does it everyday without fail is someone who is driven. I don't know if he is headed to work or headed to school. It's somewhere that he is accomplishing something because it's early in the day and he has a case.
One day I decided to honk and wave. He didn't see me or notice that I was honking at him. It became this thing where I was determined to wave at this guy. Finally he started looking up at the honk and must have thought I was flirting or a whack job because I started honking and waving everyday. What can I say, I admired his commitment.
I decided to pull over one day and introduce myself. I thought I might as well explain why I was waving, and I wanted to encourage him in his pursuit. He said his name was Nathan, and he didn't tell me where he was walking to, but he seemed to be okay with the fact that I was waving. He had on this groovy classic star wars shirt. He has a bit of funky style to him, no wonder I dig him.
So months passed and I waved. Some mornings I felt silly, wondering if he was getting tired of it and just waving to be polite, or what... but it was fun.
This last Friday was my last day of work and driving the same direction. I prayed that God would make a way, timing wise, for me to be able to pull over and say good-bye to Nathan. I didn't want him to think I just disappeared, like he'd care, haha. But you know, wonder, 'what happened to that chick, anyway?' Well God is good. I saw him walking, as always, and coming up to a street. I knew I could pull over and catch him. I explained briefly, not wanting to make either of us late, that I was moving and wouldn't be driving this way anymore. 'God bless you, man, as you keep walking to wherever you're going...' He STILL did not tell me where he was going! ha... but he did say such sweet touching words to me... he said that 'he would miss me' and that it had 'been a pleasure.' Awww. Thank God, cuz I felt really goofy sometimes. But, I admired his motivation, and wanted to encourage him, even if it was just a wave.
The thing is, Nathan helped and blessed me. Every morning, I knew if I didn't leave my house by 8 minutes after or so, I wouldn't see Nathan and miss the wave. He helped me get to work on time. I watched for him every time I turned onto Staniford and would be glad when I saw him come into view. Things can't be falling apart if Nathan is still walking to his destination in the morning. Those 5 seconds... spotting him, timing the honk, and the wave...made each morning a tad bit nicer.
It's the little things in life, it really is. I don't know Nathan, I know hardly ANYTHING about him (but he does like star wars!) He blessed me, and I trust I blessed him.
I am glad to have met you, Nathan... where ever you are headed!
He had his case and his quick pace. He was on a mission to somewhere and he was consistent in getting there. I admire this guy. I don't know a lick about him but anyone who walks to where they need to go and does it everyday without fail is someone who is driven. I don't know if he is headed to work or headed to school. It's somewhere that he is accomplishing something because it's early in the day and he has a case.
One day I decided to honk and wave. He didn't see me or notice that I was honking at him. It became this thing where I was determined to wave at this guy. Finally he started looking up at the honk and must have thought I was flirting or a whack job because I started honking and waving everyday. What can I say, I admired his commitment.
I decided to pull over one day and introduce myself. I thought I might as well explain why I was waving, and I wanted to encourage him in his pursuit. He said his name was Nathan, and he didn't tell me where he was walking to, but he seemed to be okay with the fact that I was waving. He had on this groovy classic star wars shirt. He has a bit of funky style to him, no wonder I dig him.
So months passed and I waved. Some mornings I felt silly, wondering if he was getting tired of it and just waving to be polite, or what... but it was fun.
This last Friday was my last day of work and driving the same direction. I prayed that God would make a way, timing wise, for me to be able to pull over and say good-bye to Nathan. I didn't want him to think I just disappeared, like he'd care, haha. But you know, wonder, 'what happened to that chick, anyway?' Well God is good. I saw him walking, as always, and coming up to a street. I knew I could pull over and catch him. I explained briefly, not wanting to make either of us late, that I was moving and wouldn't be driving this way anymore. 'God bless you, man, as you keep walking to wherever you're going...' He STILL did not tell me where he was going! ha... but he did say such sweet touching words to me... he said that 'he would miss me' and that it had 'been a pleasure.' Awww. Thank God, cuz I felt really goofy sometimes. But, I admired his motivation, and wanted to encourage him, even if it was just a wave.
The thing is, Nathan helped and blessed me. Every morning, I knew if I didn't leave my house by 8 minutes after or so, I wouldn't see Nathan and miss the wave. He helped me get to work on time. I watched for him every time I turned onto Staniford and would be glad when I saw him come into view. Things can't be falling apart if Nathan is still walking to his destination in the morning. Those 5 seconds... spotting him, timing the honk, and the wave...made each morning a tad bit nicer.
It's the little things in life, it really is. I don't know Nathan, I know hardly ANYTHING about him (but he does like star wars!) He blessed me, and I trust I blessed him.
I am glad to have met you, Nathan... where ever you are headed!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Saying Good-Bye to Bethany
I am so pooped.
Countdown is on... I am training my replacement at work and can't believe I am so close to being done as an employee of Bethany Christian Services. What an amazing 6 years it has been. I cannot even express all God has done for me through my years with Bethany.
When I got the job as Administrative Assistant, I wasn't even looking for a job. My cousin, Julie, told me they were hiring and that I was the first person to POP into her mind. "Awww, that is so sweet, but no thank you." I was doing outreach with Modesto YWAM at the time a couple days a week and available to friends and family in my community- who ever had a need. Cleaning house once a week for a friend who'd just had a baby, driving my grandma to appointments as she needed, and I was content. Six weeks after Julie had mentioned Bethany to me, I found a brochure in my house for their maternity home. 'What is this?' I thought, and realized, 'this is that place Julie was talking about... Lord, how did this get here? What is this about?' I prayed, and knew I was supposed to call. When I did, the office manager, Joyce, answered. I explained that Julie was my cousin and had told me they needed someone. I asked her "what exactly are you looking for?" and she said,"Ooooh, I don't know." "Oh, good," I replied, "because don't know that I want it." After a sequence of events that were absolutely undeniable, God walked me right into a position with Bethany. He knew, what I could not possibly know, and that is how hard the next several years would be and how completely Bethany would be the answer to prayers I had not yet prayed.
Bethany Christian Services is a full service adoption agency in Modesto, Ca. They serve ladies in unplanned pregnancies as well as couples who struggle with infertility and are seeking to expand their families through adoption. Amazing, amazing ministry. Through Bethany I learned I had infertility issues. I had never heard the definition of infertility before (having unprotected sex for a year or more not resulting in a live birth) and the conversations I heard adoptive mothers having was me...their experiences and miscarriages...I had those stories. I just didn't realize, I couldn't have biological children. The grief process and all that I learned was comforted by the ladies God had chosen to be my co-workers. Counselors! who completely understood my grief and just listened as I processed and grew. Material at my fingertips to read and information at every turn. Abundant Giver He is.
Bethany offered us insurance when we could find and afford none.
God sustained us through a regular paycheck from Bethany for the years my ex-husband could not find permanent work. Bethany offered me a safe haven and gave me a heart for the orphans, ladies who so selflessly place their children into their forever families, and the couples whose long struggle with infertility and loss ends in family. Oh, what I have learned. The miracles I have seen and been honored to pray for. But ultimately, the friends. The friends I have been given. My co-workers, maaaaaan.
I love my co-workers, my sisters, with an unspeakable love. They have sheltered me, loved me, supported me, sacrificed for me, and even provided for me in what was the absolute hardest season of my life. They watched as my health crashed, and pointed me to the right doctor's to help. They watched my sanity wain and prayed for the Spirit to sustain me. They encouraged me as our finances completely crumbled and gave of their own earnings. Can you say devastation and IRS, boys and girls? And ultimately, they didn't judge me, when my marriage was broken beyond what I could bare and walked through a divorce.
They let me in to their own woes and struggles. I watched them lose their parents, send their kids off to college, have their own health struggles, and marriage business. I love these women. They are my sisters. They are gifted and beautiful ALL.
Now as I walk into my last week of 'work' with them, I just don't know how to say good-bye. I absolutely know that I will be in the snot bubble weeping this week. I cry even now, writing the words and seeing their faces in my mind. Such sweet gifts the Lord gives. But say good-bye I must, as I step out into the second half of this life of mine, and claim it for all it is worth to the Glory of God and His Kingdom. Dust off the dust of death that ensnared me and run, not walk, towards the only One who IS life. He has become my life, and I will know pleasing Him if it kills me. I know I am pleasing to Him, but I want to polish it up a bit and really shine. I want those moments that will never be recorded in books, but will cause ripple effects in eternity. I surrender all.
So, I say good-bye.
Countdown is on... I am training my replacement at work and can't believe I am so close to being done as an employee of Bethany Christian Services. What an amazing 6 years it has been. I cannot even express all God has done for me through my years with Bethany.
When I got the job as Administrative Assistant, I wasn't even looking for a job. My cousin, Julie, told me they were hiring and that I was the first person to POP into her mind. "Awww, that is so sweet, but no thank you." I was doing outreach with Modesto YWAM at the time a couple days a week and available to friends and family in my community- who ever had a need. Cleaning house once a week for a friend who'd just had a baby, driving my grandma to appointments as she needed, and I was content. Six weeks after Julie had mentioned Bethany to me, I found a brochure in my house for their maternity home. 'What is this?' I thought, and realized, 'this is that place Julie was talking about... Lord, how did this get here? What is this about?' I prayed, and knew I was supposed to call. When I did, the office manager, Joyce, answered. I explained that Julie was my cousin and had told me they needed someone. I asked her "what exactly are you looking for?" and she said,"Ooooh, I don't know." "Oh, good," I replied, "because don't know that I want it." After a sequence of events that were absolutely undeniable, God walked me right into a position with Bethany. He knew, what I could not possibly know, and that is how hard the next several years would be and how completely Bethany would be the answer to prayers I had not yet prayed.
Bethany Christian Services is a full service adoption agency in Modesto, Ca. They serve ladies in unplanned pregnancies as well as couples who struggle with infertility and are seeking to expand their families through adoption. Amazing, amazing ministry. Through Bethany I learned I had infertility issues. I had never heard the definition of infertility before (having unprotected sex for a year or more not resulting in a live birth) and the conversations I heard adoptive mothers having was me...their experiences and miscarriages...I had those stories. I just didn't realize, I couldn't have biological children. The grief process and all that I learned was comforted by the ladies God had chosen to be my co-workers. Counselors! who completely understood my grief and just listened as I processed and grew. Material at my fingertips to read and information at every turn. Abundant Giver He is.
Bethany offered us insurance when we could find and afford none.
God sustained us through a regular paycheck from Bethany for the years my ex-husband could not find permanent work. Bethany offered me a safe haven and gave me a heart for the orphans, ladies who so selflessly place their children into their forever families, and the couples whose long struggle with infertility and loss ends in family. Oh, what I have learned. The miracles I have seen and been honored to pray for. But ultimately, the friends. The friends I have been given. My co-workers, maaaaaan.
I love my co-workers, my sisters, with an unspeakable love. They have sheltered me, loved me, supported me, sacrificed for me, and even provided for me in what was the absolute hardest season of my life. They watched as my health crashed, and pointed me to the right doctor's to help. They watched my sanity wain and prayed for the Spirit to sustain me. They encouraged me as our finances completely crumbled and gave of their own earnings. Can you say devastation and IRS, boys and girls? And ultimately, they didn't judge me, when my marriage was broken beyond what I could bare and walked through a divorce.
They let me in to their own woes and struggles. I watched them lose their parents, send their kids off to college, have their own health struggles, and marriage business. I love these women. They are my sisters. They are gifted and beautiful ALL.
Now as I walk into my last week of 'work' with them, I just don't know how to say good-bye. I absolutely know that I will be in the snot bubble weeping this week. I cry even now, writing the words and seeing their faces in my mind. Such sweet gifts the Lord gives. But say good-bye I must, as I step out into the second half of this life of mine, and claim it for all it is worth to the Glory of God and His Kingdom. Dust off the dust of death that ensnared me and run, not walk, towards the only One who IS life. He has become my life, and I will know pleasing Him if it kills me. I know I am pleasing to Him, but I want to polish it up a bit and really shine. I want those moments that will never be recorded in books, but will cause ripple effects in eternity. I surrender all.
So, I say good-bye.
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