I am so pooped.
Countdown is on... I am training my replacement at work and can't believe I am so close to being done as an employee of Bethany Christian Services. What an amazing 6 years it has been. I cannot even express all God has done for me through my years with Bethany.
When I got the job as Administrative Assistant, I wasn't even looking for a job. My cousin, Julie, told me they were hiring and that I was the first person to POP into her mind. "Awww, that is so sweet, but no thank you." I was doing outreach with Modesto YWAM at the time a couple days a week and available to friends and family in my community- who ever had a need. Cleaning house once a week for a friend who'd just had a baby, driving my grandma to appointments as she needed, and I was content. Six weeks after Julie had mentioned Bethany to me, I found a brochure in my house for their maternity home. 'What is this?' I thought, and realized, 'this is that place Julie was talking about... Lord, how did this get here? What is this about?' I prayed, and knew I was supposed to call. When I did, the office manager, Joyce, answered. I explained that Julie was my cousin and had told me they needed someone. I asked her "what exactly are you looking for?" and she said,"Ooooh, I don't know." "Oh, good," I replied, "because don't know that I want it." After a sequence of events that were absolutely undeniable, God walked me right into a position with Bethany. He knew, what I could not possibly know, and that is how hard the next several years would be and how completely Bethany would be the answer to prayers I had not yet prayed.
Bethany Christian Services is a full service adoption agency in Modesto, Ca. They serve ladies in unplanned pregnancies as well as couples who struggle with infertility and are seeking to expand their families through adoption. Amazing, amazing ministry. Through Bethany I learned I had infertility issues. I had never heard the definition of infertility before (having unprotected sex for a year or more not resulting in a live birth) and the conversations I heard adoptive mothers having was me...their experiences and miscarriages...I had those stories. I just didn't realize, I couldn't have biological children. The grief process and all that I learned was comforted by the ladies God had chosen to be my co-workers. Counselors! who completely understood my grief and just listened as I processed and grew. Material at my fingertips to read and information at every turn. Abundant Giver He is.
Bethany offered us insurance when we could find and afford none.
God sustained us through a regular paycheck from Bethany for the years my ex-husband could not find permanent work. Bethany offered me a safe haven and gave me a heart for the orphans, ladies who so selflessly place their children into their forever families, and the couples whose long struggle with infertility and loss ends in family. Oh, what I have learned. The miracles I have seen and been honored to pray for. But ultimately, the friends. The friends I have been given. My co-workers, maaaaaan.
I love my co-workers, my sisters, with an unspeakable love. They have sheltered me, loved me, supported me, sacrificed for me, and even provided for me in what was the absolute hardest season of my life. They watched as my health crashed, and pointed me to the right doctor's to help. They watched my sanity wain and prayed for the Spirit to sustain me. They encouraged me as our finances completely crumbled and gave of their own earnings. Can you say devastation and IRS, boys and girls? And ultimately, they didn't judge me, when my marriage was broken beyond what I could bare and walked through a divorce.
They let me in to their own woes and struggles. I watched them lose their parents, send their kids off to college, have their own health struggles, and marriage business. I love these women. They are my sisters. They are gifted and beautiful ALL.
Now as I walk into my last week of 'work' with them, I just don't know how to say good-bye. I absolutely know that I will be in the snot bubble weeping this week. I cry even now, writing the words and seeing their faces in my mind. Such sweet gifts the Lord gives. But say good-bye I must, as I step out into the second half of this life of mine, and claim it for all it is worth to the Glory of God and His Kingdom. Dust off the dust of death that ensnared me and run, not walk, towards the only One who IS life. He has become my life, and I will know pleasing Him if it kills me. I know I am pleasing to Him, but I want to polish it up a bit and really shine. I want those moments that will never be recorded in books, but will cause ripple effects in eternity. I surrender all.
So, I say good-bye.
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