I seem to get worse and worse at allowing the time to go by!! I seem to get busier and busier and write fewer and fewer entries. For this, I am truly sorry as I believe it is the best way to communicate with all my friends and family who care to support what I am doing and wonder how it's going! I also truly enjoy it when I can carve out the proper time... how am I going to add online classes to the mix next year? I have no idea. Praise God the 'How' is His department...mine is just to put one foot in front of the other and answer each call as it comes.
Right now I am, once again, preparing to teach. This time I have the honor of presenting the book of Malachi. I always hate the weeks before teaching. I know!! I should have this joyful perspective and outlook while carrying the honor of being allowed to teach the word of God! But I get so overwhelmed by the whole thing. I NEVER feel like I am as prepared as I should be. I always think the next time I will do better and inevitably end up stressed out about it down to the couple days before. This time is no different. I have two weeks and three days until I teach and in a perfect world I would already have my lesson ready and be practicing it... hahahahahaha. Oh, I crack myself up. Ah, to have control issues. I always want everything organized and in proper order. I always beat myself up when it's not. (Until afterwards and then I think, 'oh, well... I did my best.')
The thing is- having time. (Isn't that ALWAYS 'the thing'?) I always feel anxious because I am not preparing the way I would like to be. Then when I FINALLY get some concentrated time to really dig in- I absolutely LOVE it. This is my process. I hate it, I dread it, I dig in... I love it. Finding a place to be still, alone, without distraction or priority tasks interrupting is rare; and this is what I need in order to get to the 'I love it' place. I can put sound in my ears, I can try to not be distracted by roommates or co-workers but I am not always real great at it.
I fully realize how spoiled I am. Many people I know WISH they had time to "simply" study the word of God and pour it out. They would kick me in the shin for even complaining! They would be right. The thing is it's not "simply" studying the word of God.
I wonder if people realize how hard we actually work... uh oh. I feel a shift. Sorry, here goes.
Sometimes I think people believe that 'missionaries' do what they do to get out of a real job. I have to be honest, I work harder here than I have in years. (Sorry, beloved sisters... I worked hard!!) But this is a different ball of wax. Maybe that is a better way of putting it. It is just go go go all day and you do what needs to be done regardless of the hour or what it interrupts. It's probably like working in the medical field or White House! hehe What I mean to say is; it takes all spheres of who I am. One talent to do this task, another for the other... this student needs counsel and there is the constant correcting of homework. All while trying to prepare an in depth teaching. There are things I'm not even mentioning. Please, please know I am NOT COMPLAINING. I am in LOVE with what God has me doing and how much it requires of me! You see my beach pictures from time to time, it could be much worse! I am not miserable, as a matter of fact I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED!!! It is crazy how amazing God provides for every sphere as I remain in the center of His will. I am blown away by it all. I cannot believe my life. I hear that song, "I feel so alive" by Capital Kings- where it gets to the line that says, "You've got me livin' how I wanted all along." Whooooo!! There is another shift!! Blessed Holy Spirit, how FAITHFUL YOU ARE!!!
You guys might think I am losing it... up, down, shift, turn... but this is actually a perfect example of my life, hahaha.
I just wanted to touch base. Say I love you guys, and I covet your prayers.
Seriously, tho... this is my song. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdRI1A7F_pI
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