I Don't Want to Get Out!

 I don’t want to get out.  It’s a problem. 

In the morning I am in that half waking state between dreams and reality and realize it’s almost time to get up.  I think to myself, ‘I don’t want to get out of bed.’  It’s warm and cozy.  I love dreaming.  My dog is soft and snoozing beside me.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I get up and use every ounce of self-discipline and maturity I can muster to do the right thing and take my pajamas off in spite of the cold.  Brrr, I hate the cold.  I don’t want to get out of my pajamas.  They are comfy and soft but I have to take a shower.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I get out of my pajamas and pop into the shower.  Thank God for hot water. What did people do before?  How did they muster the courage to wash anything in cold weather with cold water?!  God bless them I am grateful to live in the 21^st century where I can crank that knob all the way to hot and wait just a minute before the steam is rolling out.  I pop in the shower and handle my biniss.  Then it happens.  I’m done…but I don’t want to get out.  I don’t want to get out of the warm water.  Cold air hitting my wet body is not my favorite thing.  It becomes the game of ‘how fast can I dry off and grab my robe before I’m ‘too’ cold? I don’t want to get out of the warm shower…but… I do. 

I get ready, walk the dog & pray, make the breakfast, and watch the clock until the inevitable happens.  I have to get out of the house.  I don’t want to get out of the house.  Some people are morning people and God bless them…but I’m not.  I’d rather sip some decaf, read a morning devotional, take my leisurely time to pray and pet my dog.  But no, I have to get out.  Get out of the house and make the money to HAVE a home, decaf, and my dog.  Yes, decaf, people.  Is that seriously all you can focus on?  I don’t want to get out of the house…but… I do.

Into the car, listen to some great tunes, shoot up some more prayers and get to work.  Depending on the song… seriously… I don’t want to get out.  The Eagles; Hotel California.  Queen; Bohemian Rhapsody.  Billy Joel; Piano Man. Phil Collins; Against All Odds. You can’t just turn that off.  I don’t want to get out…but… I do.

I’m really blessed to work in a place where we pray at the start of each day.  We share prayer requests and lift up ministry issues.  Then we worship.  We put on a song and enter into the presence of God.  It’s one thing to pray at home, to linger in the presence of the Spirit and receive revelation for life, but at work with so many like-minded believers there is an open heaven.  It’s like the domain that has been carved out by long hours of intercession and intentionality allows for a fullness I’ve rarely reached on my own.  When the Spirit is flowing… I don’t want to get out.  I know there’s work to be done and I can feel it nagging at me.  I know there is someone sitting to my right and my left but somehow they fade away.  When the right lyrics touch my personal situation and I understand so clearly the direction God is taking me I simply do not want to get out of that moment.  I want more.  More of the peace that surpasses ALL of my understanding.  More of the divine dizziness that causes me to feel light headed.  More of the conversation that comes so clearly when I am pressing into Him.  More.  More.  More.  I do not want to get out and go back to work, back to what calls.  Back to the hustle and bustle of life.  I’m benefitted for having been there and never leave with less than I entered in with. 

I don’t want to get out… and I don’t really have to.  His presence is the one thing I don’t really have to get out of.  I don’t have to leave Him behind.  I don’t have to exit the peace.  I don’t have to leave the warmth, the comfort or the grace. 

I don’t want to get out… so I don’t. 

Worst Date... Ever.

I just had the worst date…. Ever.  I met this guy on Match.com.  Couldn’t believe he just popped up from nowhere and seemed so spot on what I seek.  He hears the Father’s voice, he flows in the spirit.  He plays guitar and worships to Bethel music!  He has a dog and spoke of being the Alpha.  Yeah, baby, yeah!  He is a veteran and counsels those coming home with PTSD.  He knows the bible and told me to bring mine on our date!  Wait, what?  Wow… 

Then… I got there.  I wasn’t overly attracted to him but he is far from ugly.  It was a bit awkward but… okay… I don’t really date so of course it could be.  We looked over the menus.  I found that when he asked me a question he didn’t really give me time to completely answer before telling me something scriptural about what I’d just said.  Then he started quizzing me.  “What did satan say to Eve in the garden?”  and “What did God say when he created man?”  Each time I would answer him and he would delve past what I said as if I had the wrong answer or didn’t really know why it was the right answer.  Finally, I decided to just listen.  I was already having thoughts like, ‘Oh, man.  I have to sit through a whole meal of this?’ and ‘when do I get to say… um… thanks but no thanks.’  Thank God I had asked for my own tab so I wouldn’t owe him anything!  After about 10 minutes of him teaching me about identity in Christ I just decided to be honest.

I put my hands up in the classic ‘I’ve been triggered and had enough’ pose.  Otherwise known as a double “stop” sign.

“Look,”  I started, “I hear you and I appreciate what you’re saying.  As a matter of fact I don’t disagree with much of what you are saying, but, I know who I am in Christ.  I am a hard core lover of Jesus Christ and I know who I am in Him.  I feel like you are more interested in educating me than getting to know… me.  So, can we just have a normal conversation?  I mean… we are 10 minutes into this thing, can we just, talk?” 

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do…” he says, “I’m going to walk away.”  He grabbed his phone and glasses and started to scoot out of the booth.  I thought he meant he was going to give me a minute- to not be overwhelmed or something.  I said, “Oh, you don’t have to do that…” and he stands up saying, “I’m not going to play that with you.” 

“Play that?”  He is mumbling.  “Richard-“ I said… and yes, that’s his real name… “Richard- this is just me being honest with you!”  No response.  The boy could not get away fast enough.  Now mind you… he’s 45 years old.  I cannot believe how immature some ‘men’ still are.  He couldn’t handle confrontation on the mildest level. 

I sat in shock for no longer than 15 seconds before a waitress walked by.  I grabbed her and asked her to just cancel my order.  He, on the other hand, had received his soup and salad and already devoured the salad…without praying may I add!  Haha  Immediately the food came.  I asked the guy to put it in to go boxes.  My original waitress came back and told me, “Your food is already prepared.” 

“Yes… just…bring me the check, please.  I asked the guy to give me to go boxes.”

Then I just sat there.  In shock.  Literally, in shock.  I felt like I had been punched in the gut and now I had to pay for it! 

My phone dinged the text sound and looking at it Richard had texted me saying, “You’re scary.  You get overwhelmed by the word of God” with a laughing/crying face.  Like I was the joke.  Un…believe…able.  Obviously I didn’t respond even though I have about a dozen things I’d like to say to him. Try, I don't get overwhelmed by the word of God...just your presentation of it!  And people wonder WHY Christians have such a bad wrap!!  UGH!!!

The check came, I paid it, got both our meals to go and left.  Sat in my car and…called my Mom.  I mean, it’s what you do. 

This guy, who could do nothing but try to teach me what he knew, that I couldn’t possibly know, was telling me about identity in Christ yet didn’t have enough security in his own identity in Christ that he wasn’t bolting for the door the second a perceived attack on his manhood came into play.  It’s frightening.  Most single men don’t walk in strong faith and the ones that do are… weird. 

Two dates in a year and ½ and people wonder why I don’t go out?  Gee… I wonder.