Hey, guys!
Just wanted to try to keep up a bit so a ton of time doesn't go by and then it's a super long blog ;)
What a tough couple of days. I have really been trying to maintain the whole 'content' attitude, but I swear, it's being tested!! Of course, right?
Campus has the highest number of students ever again this quarter and I think they must be 'still learning' how to deal with us all. A couple of times they have run out of food and they'll serve corn dogs or the same thing they served for lunch... When you consider that it's not like we have a ton of food in our rooms to eat it's frustrating. Most of us do keep some food, cup of noodles has become my comfort food... SO BAD. I NEVER ate cup of noodles at home!!! I have taken to boiling eggs just to get 6 grams of protein here and there. Praise you, God- makes you grateful to have food at all, seriously.
We have started the Prophets and it feels like starting completely over. It's a language I do not speak and a way of thinking I do not follow. It's interesting to always think of yourself one way- and then realize when you are challenged that you are not that person at all! I always thought I was pretty easy going... um, no. I am a detail person!!! Oh my gosh.... I cannot let go... I need to get every detail right and that is just not possible. It's not like stocking a shelf, man....it's... so draining. I went to my grader 3 times today for the one paper I was working on. Even in the end she said, "It's decent. It is, but I think you will want to make some changes after doing the next part of your work." Ugh. Now, mind you- this is the sweetest woman... but MAN!! I just was NOT getting it. Needless to say there have already been tears of frustration this quarter... 4 days in. I find myself wanting to escape and that is just not possible. Last quarter I was still living on some of my own money so I went down for a burger sometimes...I have to be so much more careful now. I am down to the lowest amounts I have seen in my accounts in a loooong time and it's...scary. How do I pay for my vitamins, how do I pay for my phone? How will You cover 3rd quarter, Lord? What is my part? Am I going on outreach?? So I went to be with Jesus by the water last night. Such an amazing thing to be able to go to this gorgeous sunset and speak with the creator of it all. I cried, I told Him I was worried. He told me not to be. He brought me here..."Look where you ARE." I know...I know! I remember very clearly being in the pit at the end of my marriage and so stressed I seriously couldn't see straight. I was on my face in prayer fervently asking..."Just get me to Kona, Lord. Just get me to Kona." I just knew that everything would turn around here. I just knew that everything would align and start to make sense. Much has...for sure. But I still don't know what comes next and that really takes its toll. How I love a plan. When did I become such a control freak? Maybe the question is, when did I grow up? I just need to realize that I can be content in all circumstances. He won't let me go without what I truly need. He has never failed me. I think to myself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' I suppose the worst thing that could happen would be I would have to move home and get a job. Not do the full blown missionary thing. People do it. I've done it. I may do it again. If that is the worst thing... ok. But I am going to try my best to walk this out. Make an impact. I have good friends who have done this for years, I realize now what cajones of steel they have to live on support as missionaries. Whitlers, Aaron, Sustars, Hodges... you guys are badasses. I commend you for the years you have walked out your faith in Trust for His provision and all you have seen Him accomplish through you as a result. I admire you. I appreciate your example in my life.
Please pray for us! We are going, full steam ahead. Pray for supernatural understanding and ability. That God's purpose for this learning would be accomplished. Pray that we would not be distracted or seek unhealthy ways of coping. That we would be loving to one another through the stress. And for money...for all of us...for support. For His will to be done. For lives to be changed. Thank you so much.
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