Friday, December 26, 2014

Palm Desert Christmas



Merry Christmas!
I am laying on my bed in Palm Desert looking out at the gorgeous mountain view.  I am so grateful to be here.  Having been in Hawaii for the last couple of years the routine of ‘where to go for Christmas’ has gotten a bit thrown off.  Changes in life or situation can do that.  I’m down here visiting my “other parents”… my parents in-love.  They are my former husband’s parents and we have a very special relationship.  They are precious to me and when they asked if I would like to come for Christmas I was overjoyed!  The first year in Hawaii I got to fly home for Christmas which was great because my Mother was here from the Netherlands and we actually had Christmas.  The second year my parents in-love came to Hawaii and flew me over to Oahu for the week.  We had a blast.  But this year I was at a loss… without my Mom at home we wouldn’t actually have a dinner at our house.  My grandparents are all gone so there is nowhere to go in that aspect.   My oldest brother goes to his in-laws, my second brother tends to go to my Dad’s, and I have no idea where my third brother goes but he’s got a woman and probably goes to my Dad’s too…  So, I was thrilled to come to PD.  My ex and I came here for Christmas many of our married years and it definitely feels like Christmas. A warm Christmas, YEAH!!!!!

Yesterday for Christmas Day we drove to L.A. to an Aunt and Uncles.  There were all of the family members of my former husband and I wondered a bit how they would feel with me being there and certainly would never want to offend.  Everyone was so nice.  In all honestly, I could tell they didn’t all know who I was, hahahaha.  After all it’s been at least 3 or 4 years since I’ve seen them and I look totally different now.  (Short hair and glasses)  One cousin completely didn’t recognize me and called me, “Hollywood.”  Umm, no… but thanks!  I said, “Well I certainly don’t have a Hollywood paycheck.”  It was so amazing to connect with them again and had wondered honestly if I would ever even see them again.  It was so great. 

A highlight of the week was the blessing of buying my new 4Runner!! woot woot.  Anyone who knows me well knows that the Tacoma that I drove for 11 years was well loved by me and selling it in HI was something I never thought I would do- but I needed the money for medical bills and God orchestrated the timing so I have been without a car for the last six months.  I had my Mom’s car to drive when needed, but how humbling it is to not have your own vehicle. 
It’s quite a story, but one long enough for its own blog, so I won’t go into details now… I just want to say how grateful I am to have this AWESOME car, fully loaded, and be totally spoiled by God’s favor. 

Today we will relax as it has been a completely full week, my poor body! hehe (when did I get this old?) and tonight we will go to “The Festival of Lights.”  I hope we get one more chance to go to our favorite restaurant, “Don Diego’s in Indian Wells.”  The only thing lacking is me getting a margarita there!  With my health in the last several months I have not been drinking at all.  It’s just not beneficial or worth it. 

I pray everyone had a great Christmas.  It’s such an intense time of year.  I always think of those who are homeless, or cold and don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  Those who have kids and no money for gifts- how I pray they know the true meaning of Christmas.  I see how someone who is loved by so many can still end up alone on Christmas Day and know how easy it is to feel lonely.  I think of those who are infertile but are forced to face all of their little nieces and nephews running around.  It’s just a tough time of year for so many and I pray that they may know comfort.  These are the things I am grateful for as I remember Jesus being born in a manger.  A manger!  Just feet from cow poop!!!  All for me.  All for each of the people I just described.  For ALL of us.  How grateful I am to know it, to have the ability to embrace it, to walk in it every day. 

Merry Christmas, Friends.  Happy New Year- 2015. 

Monday, November 17, 2014

Mark My Words...

So…this ‘in between’ business is taking its toll.  I know there will always be seasons of ‘being in between’ in life but good gravy this one is humbling me (which I am sure is partly the point.) 
I have been quite blessed in my careers.  I started as a bagger at 15 and worked in grocery stores for the next 16 years.  I worked in almost every department at one point or another and there are days I truly do miss it; but at the time it was kicking my butt (what a physical job it is!) and I cannot say I miss customers being so rude!  (Ya’ll know who you are.) Plus I didn’t know who I could be outside of grocery and I didn’t want a 15 year old girl to determine what I would do for the rest of my life. 
From there I walked clearly into YWAM and missions business in 2004 thinking it would be my path- until I allowed myself to get caught in a tangled web, getting sidetracked- but even then, God in His mercy walked me RIGHT into Bethany Christian Services.  Without even seeking a job He gave me the best one I could have asked for!  For 6 years I was blessed to be the front desk superstar surrounded by the most amazing group of women who remain my dear friends.  When it was time I went back to YWAM thinking… Ok!  THIS is it… THIS is what I am meant to be doing and for two years it was absolutely true.  Until it wasn’t- and God brought me home.  Again.
I know people from Modesto will understand when I say it’s like the Mob.  Just when you think you’re out- it sucks you back in again!!  Hehe
Back to allergies, back to the cold.  Back to McHenry, Briggsmore, and Staniford.  Back to Bethany Christian Services as well… a different job, but one I am grateful and blessed by. 
Still, I went from living in community, barely able to find alone time, working from the time I got up until I went to bed…to working from home and being alone 20 hours a day.  Don’t get me wrong- neither sucks- but they are vastly different and it is quite the adjustment!  Still, I am confident that God has me exactly where He wants me and has been teaching me to Slow Down for Pitties Sake!!!  But, slowing down is hard for a goer.  My body insists I am not who I used to be and the ‘going’ of my past is no longer.  I have to find new ways to stimulate my mind and body while not rushing ahead of the Lord’s plan.  I’m trying to not get discouraged and dream new dreams. 
It’s just that I’m 43, and I thought I’d know what I was supposed to be doing by now.  (Can’t you hear God chuckling.) 

I took one of those tests: ‘best jobs for personality types.’  I’m a INFT.  Introvert (oh, yes I am, trust me) INtuitive, Feeler, Thinker.  This is the list of careers best suited for me:  Writer, Counselor/Social Worker, Teacher, Psychologist/Phsychiatrist, Musician, Clergy/Religious worker.  Now, if you know me, you are with me in saying, “Wow” and laughing a bit because I have done everything on this list to some extent at one time or another (minus the degree for a Psychologist/chiatrist).  It’s a trip, boys and girls.  I haven’t blogged, because there hasn’t been much outward change.  But I feel a very definite shift in my inner man.  Something is coming.  Something big.  It’s gonna take a couple of years to fully develop- but I know that in two years time- EVERYTHING will have changed.

Mark my words.  

Monday, September 8, 2014

Season of Waiting



I heard God speak to me in the in between sleeping and waking state.  “You’re in a season of wait.”
As most things do in that state; regardless of the reality it makes perfect sense. All of a sudden all of my restlessness and frustration in these last days made perfect sense.  I have been and am…waiting.  Much is to be learned in the waiting.
I don’t know if you are one of those beautifully graceful people who have the gift of patience.  I… am not.  I can be patient with the old person in line in front of me.  I can be patient with a puppy who had an accident on the rug.  These beings cannot help their state and are in process, like the rest of us.  But when it comes to me; where I’m headed, what I’m responsible for, what I want… I really suck at patience.  It is a fruit of the spirit that has challenged me for years.  God in His mercy has patience with me!  But He is faithful to bring opportunity to grow and good gravy am I in one.

When I got sick I was in bed for a month.  I lost all of June but I could hear my friends laughing and socializing just a wall over.  It felt like I was losing my sanity and as though I may never be well again…but I could hear their banter and bursts of laughter.  I was so jealous and so pissed off all at the same time.  I was waiting to be well and wondering if I would ever laugh again, seriously.  I was waiting to be well enough to fly home.  Then waiting to get into my doctors.  September was in question and what I would be doing or not doing.  I was waiting for direction and clarity. 
Lately, I have been so restless.  I know that I know that I know that I am where I am supposed to be.  But home again in between ‘purposes’ is a really tough spot to be.  God has told me, “You need to get over location.  I can use you anywhere.”  It’s strange, tho, because the transition isn’t just in my physical location it’s in my heart and mind.  My work for Him is valid- even if not grand.  It’s embarrassing to say that because OF COURSE it’s true, but humbling to come to.  

Now that I’m “home” I have the opportunity to get one of my fur babies back.  I would have NEVER dreamed it possible or asked for it; but God in His complete understanding of the heart He created has made a way for my son to come home… it is a gift I dared not dream.  So… I have to get a place where I can have a dog.  I have looked around to get an idea of what is available.  I cannot afford much- but God totally knows what I can afford and what I can’t.  He already knows where I will live; and I’m not holding out- I trust Him for good things.  Beauty, safety, amazing landlord, a place for my boy to run around.  A mother-in-law unit would be perfect!  I’m waiting…for the right place.  I’m waiting… to bring my boy home and every day that he is not with me now, is felt.

I want to buy a car.  (I’m trusting for a truck! ;)  I don’t say I NEED to, because graciously my Mom is allowing me to use hers-but I don’t want to put a ton of miles on it or have anything happen to it on my watch!  I’m waiting… for the right deal.

My traveler’s medical insurance that I had last year is taking their time to pay the medical bills from my health crash.  So until I know what they will and won’t pay I am waiting to know how much money I actually have and how much money I need for bills.  (Why do they take months and months for this stuff?)  So I don’t really know what I have for a deposit on a place or a car… I’m waiting. 

Please hear me when I say I’m grateful.
I’m grateful to have a home to be in while I wait.
I’m grateful for traveler’s insurance that may pay my medical bills.
I’m grateful for a car to get to where I really need to go while I don’t have one of my own.
I’m grateful for the hope of bringing my boy home even if he isn’t with me yet… he is in a good place.
I realize how truly blessed I am in these things. 

The SBS (school of biblical studies) is starting to gather now in Kona.  The next phase of my job there would be starting now.  It’s hard to see them all travel there and reconnect.  It’s hard to not be a part of it.  It’s hard when you believe some place has become home only to be shifted back to where you thought you’d left.  Obedience means doing what you should when you should.  Being a missionary means going where there is a need, even if that’s Home again. 

I’m waiting for my next step.  I’m waiting for my feelings to catch up with my actions. 

I’m house sitting this week and there are these birds outside.  I’m not sure if they are doves or pigeons. 
It’s been precious but hard to watch them.  There is a Mommy, Daddy, and baby.  The nest has fallen twice.  This is the second time and they are not attempting to reconstruct it.   The baby is on the ground under some bushes.  I’ve been wondering the last couple of days if the Mommy knows where it is because she doesn’t stay with it.  What if a cat comes?  But this morning for the first time I saw her come and feed it- then immediately fly away.  She stays a rooftop away.  This poor baby kept calling for her- then realizes she is not returning and stops and goes back under the bush.  He’s alone most of the time- just waddles around- doesn’t know fully how to fly yet.  I was thinking it would die with no food or protection.  But Momma comes- just in time with just enough substance and contact to sustain life. 

I feel like the baby bird.  Waiting, waiting, sitting in the same spot all day not knowing what to do. 
But God comes with just enough of what I need when I need it to sustain me. 
It’s so hard not to rush out and buy bird seed.  To try and help in some way- but nature has its way.  Momma knows what’s going on with baby bird even if I don’t see it happening.  Soon baby will be past the point of sitting all day.  His wings will develop fully and his strength will sustain him to fly.  In the meantime, he waits.  He’s patient under his little bush.  Nature must take its course.   It seems like that little bird is doing nothing- but something is happening.  Every day, every hour, he is growing…and when the time is right… he will fly. 

Oh, Lord… I trust You.  I wait. 

Friday, August 1, 2014

Do you believe it?

I don't know if you believe in Miracles... but I do.
I know not all of my friends believe in God, in Jesus Christ, and I get that.  I love it best when even though we don't see eye to eye on what we believe we can be in relationship.  Most often it seems to me that those I know who don't believe- want to- they just haven't been given the evidence they want to fully embrace what I know as Truth or perhaps were 'burned' somehow in the past and I get that, too.  It sucks... I'm sorry on behalf of all those who failed you or contributed to a hurt in your life that has kept you from the freedom and blessings I know.  Even in suffering. 
These last couple of months have been rough for me.  My perspective is straight- it could have been worse.  I am not dying in pain, losing any limbs, vision, or getting chemo.  But I have started praying harder for those who are!  However, my suffering has been valid- and through it I have seen such grace.  I just don't know how I could have done it without God's comfort and your prayers.  I sincerely don't believe I could have. 
I want to tell you how good God is, and how miraculously personal He is. 
When my health crashed- everything halted.  It's amazing how unimportant things become.  Who cares if I showered, what my hair looks like, if I'm wearing make-up.  I just want to feel good.  Not even good, just okay.  Just enough to function.  Hour after  hour watching the clock- recording what hour you took which supplement.  Waiting for it to kick in.  Counting the time it starts to wear off before taking the next one.  The anxiety about taking too much, not enough, and anything at all.  I don't ever want to forget these things because someone somewhere is living it right now...and they need our love, concern, attention, and prayers.  
I have moved from suffering to functioning and it is NO SMALL THING.  It is life. 

When my health crashed so did my future.  Everything planned was up in the air with a ton of questions.  What is God doing, allowing, wanting to teach me?  When will I be okay?  When will I be able to get home to my doctors? What does this mean for Sept? (when the next school starts)  It was obvious that my only goal was to get healthy and everything else goes on the back burner.  Period. My thoughts and prayers for Sept. had been to live alone.  For my sanity and introvert qualities I knew I needed to find a quiet place.  Living in community is awesome but it takes its toll.  So in my prayers I would always ask that whatever it was would be 'too good to be true.'  I had learned years ago with the purchase of my truck that God doesn't just concern Himself with what we need, but what we want as well.  So I was praying big- that it would be affordable, beautiful, just... too good to be true.  Better than I could get for myself. 
I left Kona not knowing if I would be back in Sept.  I made a two year commitment to staff and served only one- but I knew that my health would be priority.  I also asked God to make it Absolutely Clear what He would have me do- because if there is one thing I have learned it is that being in the center of His will is the BEST place to be and I don't ever want to be anywhere else!  He told me He was, 'shifting gears and that I needed to trust Him.'  *sigh*  Okay.  This is where it gets tricky to express the magnitude of what He has done and make it brief enough that you aren't reading all day.  Because I could give details, friends. 
I kept praying that whatever would happen would be completely by His hand, so that I would know it was Him and not me.  So that I would KNOW that it was His will.  As you may or may not remember- I work in the evenings online chatting with girls who are pregnant and seeking services in their area and considering their options.  This is a great job.  It paid for my portion of the rent last year and I always thought it would be the greatest thing to do this full time.  But, I am fortunate for the few hours I do get to do it.  My boss for this job (shout out, Kathy!) is such a blessing.  She and her prayer group have been praying for my health.  What an absolute blessing to have people you have never met praying for you. 
A couple of things have come up that I could do.  One in Kona, one here, and each time I heard the Lord ask me, "Leah... is this too good to be true?" I would think, then answer, "No.  It's really not."  Then I would have peace about not doing that thing.  I trusted Him to answer my prayer.  Finally, and again, details are being left out for time, I thought I should email my boss and just let her know what I was thinking.  I mean, what if they would consider me- but know how busy I was and think I wouldn't consider more hours with them.  I didn't want to email, because I didn't want to step out in front of God.  I asked that whatever it would be would come from HIM.  But... I really felt the pull to email.  So, I did.  It was a poorly written email with much hemming and hawing.  My boss, emailed me back the next morning.  Kathy had a need of her own.  She had needed help with the Live Chat for over a year.  She had shared with her prayer group that she really needed God to hand her the right person.  Just... hand them to her on a silver platter.  Her prayers were big as well.  She said, 'she dared to whisper' that 'if Leah could stay in Ca. and work for her' that it would be... well, my words, too good to be true.  She thought it "too selfish" a request.  So, the prayer team prayed and asked that 'if it be God's will- it would come from Leah' and there I was, emailing her for just that.  The possibility of working for her more.  We both laughed and cried in awe of God
Why is this such a miracle?
He roused both of our hearts with the same desire- at the same time- both thinking it wasn't possible because it was too perfect.
I get to work from home; so my body doesn't have the stress of getting anywhere by a certain time.
Even on 'migraine days' I hope to be able to function in this way.
I sold my truck for medical bills- but I don't need a car to show up for work.
This is the most 'missional part' of what I used to do.  It is the most 'man on the street' aspect.
AND it will give me benefits!!  (Can I get a HUGE AMEN?!!)
When I realized- ugh even now I tear.  When I realized this all, I literally fell on my face weeping- because it was absolutely- 'too good to be true.'
This is a miracle.  I know some of you won't think so; but I'm telling you it is.  It is so perfectly orchestrated in ways my boss and I could never- WOULD never have thought possible.  The timing, the way it meets both of our needs.  The details in which it meets the needs of my health.  God is at work both in us and for us.  He is able, MORE than able, to accomplish ALL that concerns us.  He is WILLING to meet us and be real with us.  He is WANTING to give generously to us, His children.  He goes before us on our behalf in ways we cannot and would not know to go.  He is generous.  He is REAL. 
His ways are not our ways and you may have had suffering or abuse that causes you to say, "Yeah, where was He when I was suffering?  When that person did that to me?  When my loved one suffered and died?"  HE WAS THERE.  I'm telling you, HE WAS THERE.  And it hurt Him, every bit the amount it hurt you.  He does not enjoy our suffering.  He does not sit back and think punishing thoughts like, "Oh, well.  He/She deserves it."  That thought process is an earthly mentality from people and experiences you have known and it is from the pit of hell.  I rebuke it now, in Jesus name, and PRAY that you will receive some truth from this silly attempt to express what I know to be true. 
God loves you.
He really does.
He's not hung up on your crap- you are.
I have done everything wrong in my life.  Seriously, everything.
He doesn't care.  He's over it.  It's me that is working it out in my heart and mind.
He is blessing my socks off, because He can.  Because He wants to. 
It is not an inconvenience for Him to care for me and provide for me. 
So He does.  Why?  Because I ask Him to.  I trust Him to.  Big Time. 
Because I believe that Jesus Christ was who He said He was- and I say so.  (Romans 10:9) 
That's it.  That's all.  Romans 10:9
Whew... didn't realize it was going to turn into all that- but I prayed before I started typing so I can say with absolute confidence that if you are moved, as I am, that God was speaking directly to YOU today.  These words, this movement, has been of His Spirit because of Who He is... not me. 
That's how He does it, folks.  Because He loves you. 















Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Grateful.

Hello, Friends.
How many times I have wanted to write...but I have not been able to 'psych' myself up for it.
As many of you know, I have not been well.  I completely lost the month of June.  I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers and humbly ask you to continue in them!
So many people have messaged me and asked...'what exactly happened?'  so maybe I will just start with that.
On May 27th I got a migraine.  It did not leave.  I had nausea and vomiting.  The stress of everything (illness on top of life, the stress of finishing the school year with SBS, outreach planning, etc.) caused an adrenal crash (when your adrenal glands say, 'enough!  we quit!') and my thyroid hit a low.  The result of all of this is being weak, unable to perform simple duties, and about a month of staring at the ceiling from bed.  It feels as though someone has plugged you into an electrical outlet and there is a current flowing through you that leaves you weak and trembling.  I could not eat normally.
I went to the Ophthalmologist (omgosh that is the first time I have actually spelled that word right without spell check!) and the very day I met her she diagnosed me with 'flat angle glaucoma' and punched holes in my iris' with a laser so they would drain properly. (Not draining properly had allowed fluid to build on the optical nerves causing my constant headaches.)  This surgery helped with the headaches, nausea, and vomiting.  I still could not eat. 
I asked the doctor what the deal with food was... I mean... I love food.  I don't have issues eating for the very most part.  She said it was most likely related to stress. I was so frustrated.  I had already been relieved of all of my duties at work- was laying in bed most of the day.  I could not imagine what else I could "DO" to avoid stress.  Well... you can't.  "In this world you will have trouble..."
I sent out distress calls to my prayer team.  I prayed all the prayers I know how to pray.  It has been humbling and my time to suffer. 
Hearing that-I am positive- some of you think, "Why??? Why do we have to suffer?"  and TRUST ME... I have had all those conversations with God in this last several weeks myself.  Romans 5:3-5 says that 'suffering produces endurance and endurance- character.  Character produces hope which does not disappoint us; because God has poured out His love into our hearts by His Holy Spirit."  The interesting thing is as I was having the "Whyyyy, Lord??" conversation He told me directly that He was teaching me to endure.  "Why?  Why do I have to learn to endure?"  I pleaded like a clueless child.  "So that when trials come they won't take it out of you."  Humpf.  Just a day or two later, I read this scripture in Romans.  God is so good to reiterate for me.
So I was emailing my Doctor in Ca., was blessed to be connected to a new Counselor in Ca...and started planning the trip home.  (India outreach was cancelled as a result of 3 things; Visa problems, total lack of funds, and obviously my health.)  I still struggled to eat. 
I lost 15 lbs. and freaked out a wee bit.  Enough!!  Have you ever forced yourself to eat when you just...couldn't?  It ain't easy, folks.  But I prayed, "God... enough.  Something has to give with this eating thing."  I dropped to 100lbs.  I'm not cool with that.  I DON'T know why it didn't occur to me before- but I remembered the prayer about disarming and dismantling agreements that you make in your mind. (For example: when you argue with someone and the enemy whispers, "He's such a jerk.  He always does that." and you think, "Yeah!  He IS a jerk!!  He DOES always do that!!" and then you let those thoughts become a stronghold and truth in your mind and you live your life according to that false truth.)  So, I prayed... "Lord, I thank you for food.  I love food!  I come against the agreement that I have made in my mind that I can't eat.  I disarm and dismantle that lie in the name of Jesus Christ.  Holy Spirit I pray that you will come and fill me with Truth.  That I love food, your will is for me to eat, I am created to eat normally."  I decided to fix breakfast in the morning- I was excited about it. (I had been drinking Ensure.)  I woke up SO HUNGRY at 5:20am.  I had to eat some almonds just to go back to sleep.  Then I woke up, fixed breakfast, and ate half of it!  MIRACLE, PEOPLE.  I have had a bit of trouble eating the last couple of days, but I have had a couple of really stressful days, so I know now that it definitely is a trigger for me. 
I am sleeping fairly normally- thanks to the prayers of an absolute stranger who intercedes for me daily in this way.  Bless you, Kelly.  
I am working on Medical bills now... ah, travel insurance.  Blood work, eye surgery, emergency rooms, Doctor fees, and one ambulance ride.  Good times.  Well let me be honest, I am slooowly working on them.  Days I feel good- I do.  (stress, vicious cycle!)
I have started with a new Counselor and praise God she has jumped right into tangible things I can actually DO to address stress and my outta control anxiety.  ( I will write more on that in hopes of blessing others.)
I had a slew of labs drawn just yesterday so I await the results on how to move forward with hormones, thyroid, you name it.
You know... I don't write all of this for a 'woe is me...'  or 'poor Leah.'  response.  Hey, I hope you think 'poor, Leah!' its been rough!! hehe... but honestly... as awful as it has been; and I do pray it ends soooooon!!!  I am grateful.
I am grateful for the perspective adjustment I have had.
     -I pray for the suffering regularly now.
I am grateful for the reminder of how for granted we take our health.
     -When I feel 'good' now, I get this glimpse of a normal life and am so so so grateful.
I am grateful for the help of a Counselor, who is wiser than me in these ways.
I am grateful for food like you would not believe.
     -When I eat I am always, always, careful to thank God and for the nourishment it brings.
I am grateful for those who have so intentionally loved and prayed for me during this struggle.
     -I seriously asked God to just 'take me home' it's been so hard.  Prayer has brought me through.
I am grateful that you are reading this right now- and that maybe- there is something for you in this struggle, too.
Mostly... I am just grateful.  That I am on the road to recovery- and that someday I will walk in wellness.  Because THAT is what I know is true.  Granted; I am not who I used to be.  I can't do everything I used to do...but I will have a full life.  God told me so; and I believe Him.  

 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Countdown... 6 weeks!

I woke up this morning with much on my mind.
When I wake up the list of things I need to accomplish starts running through my mind and there is no going back to sleep.  Rare is the morning I can 'shut it off' and try to get back to sleep.  For several mornings in a row I was waking up dreaming of catastrophe.  Tornadoes, train wrecks, life threatening situations. 
This morning I awoke thinking about a member of our India team that is heavy on my heart.
I woke up listing all the financial needs that have yet to come in.
I woke up knowing that in spite of the fact that this should be 'the day of rest' I have to finish preparing my lesson for Wednesday on Colossians and  Philemon.  A task that has dominated the last several days and kept me from accomplishing much else.
I also have a prayer regarding where I will live next year and whether a position I have accepted will actually come to pass... but I digress.

Hello!!  Are you guys at all like that? Once you wake up BAM! that's it... it's on like Donkey Kong... with the mad rush of all that needs to be accomplished and addressed.  How I long to just go to the water with Jesus and let the waves soothe the vicious cycle.  Next week.  Maybe next week.

This week I will focus on the honor I have of teaching this power packed book of Colossians.  As soon as it is accomplished I can give my full energy to India.
India is coming along!
We now have dates and places that we are being scheduled.  Contacts (and dear friends) in India are arranging places and times we will be honored to teach and share the methods we have learned to study the bible.  At this point people are waiting for us and counting on us to come.
I learned this last week that airfare is about $2200. each!  It is insane... ridiculous.  I am trying now to see if a few days difference or different direction will change the price but it is slow going.  Only two of our four team members have the money for that.  That is not even including the ground fares once in country.  We do have one contact saying they will house and feed us- but I would hate to not contribute to that in some way!  (He houses his mother, sister, her son, his wife and brand new baby.)  Could you imagine?... I will not insult the gift...but I'd like to be a blessing as well.  Fundraising has been slow going- its concerning- but I refuse to worry.  (like how brave I sound there? hehe) God has called us to this trip and He will do what it is He does to bring it to pass.  I keep asking what my role in that is... what I am supposed to 'do.'  This blog is part of that.

Other that that we are on a time crunch.  This school ends in 6 weeks.  Insanity!  How did that happen?  6 weeks and I will be on a plane to India and these precious students will have accomplished their school of biblical studies!!! Whew!!  How grateful I am to have been a part of their lives for this season.  What a crazy, intense ride it is.  They've done it- they've all done it.  We haven't lost one student this year.  They will go home to their own nations and change the environment around them.  Hallelujah.

Bless you guys for caring and praying; and for those of you who give financially- I seriously can't do my call and assignment without you.  Thank you.... thank you, thank you.

To give:
http://www.soulharvestwc.org/missions/  (scroll down to 'Leah') 

https://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/mission-india-meeting-the-need-/177461

www.leahdesalles.com










Wednesday, April 16, 2014

April...

I sit here not really sure what to say.
It seems like each time I write SO MUCH has happened since the last time that I wonder how much or little to go into.
I was blessed by a friend to go home for 10 days over spring break.  He learned that it had been 16 months since I had seen my mother and said that was, 'unacceptable.'  Praise God for him because seeing and hugging my Mom was priceless.  The worst part is the leaving, of course, because you just don't know when you will get to spend that time again, but we were very grateful!!
I learned a lot about myself in those brief 10 days.  I struggled with my health and was diagnosed with ocular migraines.  What a drag... the thing is growing up I watched my Mom suffer w/ migraines and was always actively grateful that I never had them!  I do not envy those who suffer with these buggers.  I am grateful it has not been worse, but the anxiety of the fear of them is something I am working through.
I also had some personal revelation regarding my heart.
I am preparing to teach 4 books in the next 7 weeks.  First Colossians and Philemon.  Then 2 Peter and Jude.  Colossians and 2 Peter are both so jammed full of good stuff I sincerely don't know how I can possibly get it all in.  Colossians may be becoming my favorite book.  It's always been James, but this study might do it.  2 Peter ROCKED my world last year... so it will be interesting to see what the Lord has for the students and me through it.  That is the book where the focus is really on the false teachers and how they prey on the weak.  Lord knows I have first hand experience with that one.  Never fun to learn that you are the weak minded person in a scenario! hehe
We are in our 3rd and final quarter of this current school.  We are preparing a trip to India and I am checking the boxes.  Airfare, visas, vaccines, agenda, plan.... Please pray for us!  Each person needs to raise $4500. for the outreach.  I know with absolute certainty that this is His will for me...but it's still scary.  What universe are we living in that I have been put in charge?!!  

Thank you for all of your love and support, guys.  I could not be serving as I am without it.  
Thank you... from our 13 Nations! 



Thursday, February 27, 2014

Vision

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZrBbphgvP4

(My Ex) and the IRS.  Like huge pillars.
Me sitting at Jesus' feet.  Pointing at them behind me.  Blue hue light.
He wants me to give them to Him- so I try.
The IRS is too huge.  I cannot push or move it with every ounce of my strength.
I move to (ex).  I remember everything.  I start hitting him and beating him.  Punching his face.
Jesus doesn't stop me- He just sits down to watch and wait.
I make not one mark on the stoic statue figure of (ex).
Jesus holds out His hand and waits for me to take it.
I do- and He starts walking backwards- leading me away from the two hurts.
I look back and He shakes His head, 'no', keeps walking backwards and as the hurts get further and further away.  They start to dissolve- I don't look; I just know.
He turns forward and keeps leading, looking back at me and smiling.
A guy comes, I turn to look briefly but Jesus does the two finger 'eye to eye' gesture.
"Keep your eyes on me."  I do.
He starts to jog lightly- joy on His face now.
He jumps over something- I jump over it.
I don't even look at what it was.  I don't take my eyes from Him.  He knods.
He runs in full stride- I run in full stride.
He has never let go of my hand.
He leaps a long, flowing, land covering leap- I do the same; never looking away.
He is laughing now.
He throws me up, spinning me around and catches me- runs without skipping a beat.
My eyes don't waver.

All that is covered, All that is done and accomplished-
I will never know.  My eyes don't leave Him.








Monday, February 24, 2014

Preparing to Teach...

I seem to get worse and worse at allowing the time to go by!!  I seem to get busier and busier and write fewer and fewer entries.  For this, I am truly sorry as I believe it is the best way to communicate with all my friends and family who care to support what I am doing and wonder how it's going!  I also truly enjoy it when I can carve out the proper time... how am I going to add online classes to the mix next year? I have no idea.  Praise God the 'How' is His department...mine is just to put one foot in front of the other and answer each call as it comes.
Right now I am, once again, preparing to teach.  This time I have the honor of presenting the book of Malachi.  I always hate the weeks before teaching.  I know!!  I should have this joyful perspective and outlook while carrying the honor of being allowed to teach the word of God! But I get so overwhelmed by the whole thing.  I NEVER feel like I am as prepared as I should be.  I always think the next time I will do better and inevitably end up stressed out about it down to the couple days before.  This time is no different.  I have two weeks and three days until I teach and in a perfect world I would already have my lesson ready and be practicing it... hahahahahaha.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Ah, to have control issues.  I always want everything organized and in proper order.  I always beat myself up when it's not.  (Until afterwards and then I think, 'oh, well... I did my best.') 
The thing is- having time.  (Isn't that ALWAYS 'the thing'?)  I always feel anxious because I am not preparing the way I would like to be.  Then when I FINALLY get some concentrated time to really dig in- I absolutely LOVE it.  This is my process.  I hate it, I dread it, I dig in... I love it.  Finding a place to be still, alone, without distraction or priority tasks interrupting is rare; and this is what I need in order to get to the 'I love it' place.  I can put sound in my ears, I can try to not be distracted by roommates or co-workers but I am not always real great at it. 
I fully realize how spoiled I am.  Many people I know WISH they had time to "simply" study the word of God and pour it out.  They would kick me in the shin for even complaining!  They would be right.  The thing is it's not "simply" studying the word of God. 
I wonder if people realize how hard we actually work... uh oh.  I feel a shift.  Sorry, here goes.
Sometimes I think people believe that 'missionaries' do what they do to get out of a real job.  I have to be honest, I work harder here than I have in years. (Sorry, beloved sisters... I worked hard!!) But this is a different ball of wax.  Maybe that is a better way of putting it.  It is just go go go all day and you do what needs to be done regardless of the hour or what it interrupts.  It's probably like working in the medical field or White House! hehe  What I mean to say is; it takes all spheres of who I am.  One talent to do this task, another for the other... this student needs counsel and there is the constant correcting of homework.  All while trying to  prepare an in depth teaching. There are things I'm not even mentioning.  Please, please know I am NOT COMPLAINING.  I am in LOVE with what God has me doing and how much it requires of me!  You see my beach pictures from time to time, it could be much worse!  I am not miserable, as a matter of fact I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED!!!  It is crazy how amazing God provides for every sphere as I remain in the center of His will.  I am blown away by it all.  I cannot believe my life.  I hear that song, "I feel so alive" by Capital Kings- where it gets to the line that says, "You've got me livin' how I wanted all along." Whooooo!!  There is another shift!!  Blessed Holy Spirit, how FAITHFUL YOU ARE!!!
You guys might think I am losing it... up, down, shift, turn... but this is actually a perfect example of my life, hahaha. 
I just wanted to touch base.  Say I love you guys, and I covet your prayers. 
Seriously, tho... this is my song.  Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdRI1A7F_pI








Friday, January 3, 2014

Extra! Extra! Read all about it...

Looking back I see how little I have really written and as a result how little I have shared.  I'm sorry for that- it's been an incredible first quarter and time.  Let me see if I can summarize a bit..
The 'kids' on my staff team that are all 'so young and full of life' have become my dear family.  They are precious and we now have quite a few of our own 'inside jokes.' We pray for each other, razz each other, and shake our heads when we ought to. It's great.
I have taught my first book, Ruth, and it went well, I would say.  It seems to have accomplished what it was required to and I received some touching compliments.  This quarter I am teaching the prophets Joel (in exactly two weeks...yikes!! Please pray!)  and then late in the quarter Malachi. 
It's crazy intimidating.
I had an AMAZINGLY blessed trip over Christmas.  My 'other Mom and Dad' took me to Oahu for some family time and they, like parents, spoiled me rotten.  I don't know the last time I had an actual vacation vacation- it was seriously so fun.  I saw Pearl Harbor- where the gun shots from the Japanese fighter planes took out our planes on the harbor.  We went to The Royal Hawaiian Hotel which was built in the 1920's and still has original wallpaper, carpets, and furniture in some places.  So amazing and beautiful!  The beach there went out several hundred feet at a very shallow depth so swimming felt like you were in the middle of the ocean when really, you could stand up and walk.  Cool.  Oahu is so totally different from Kona.  Kona is rural, really.  A village; whereas Honolulu is a metropolis!  It felt like a San Francisco or not quite New York sort of feel! Skyscrapers and really elite shops.  Needless to say I didn't shop, hehe.
A highlight that brought tears was when we visited the Aulani.  This is a resort built by Disney on Oahu and if you know me at all... you know I LOVE ME SOME DISNEY!!!  I never thought I would get to see it- so when I realized I was on the same island and that we would be in the area... my hopes got a bit high!  We did, in fact, stop there for an evening of pupu's (appetizers) and chilling.  I absolutely could not believe I was there and took pictures of everything!!  I must have been like a little kid because they bought me a t-shirt to commemorate the experience!!!  I LOVE IT!!!  I literally called my brother (who also loves Disney) and cried on his answering machine.  "Oh, Bill... I hate that you are not home right now!  Guess where I am, man... guess where I am standing right now?!!  The Aulani!!!  The Aulani, Bill, can you believe it?" The whole time crying like I had been taken some place sacred... hahahahahahaha.  But, hey... it was real.  Dreams do come true.

On the prayer request note... there has been some strange smell in my truck since I picked it up.  I thought an animal had crawled up into some small space and died during the shipping but that has not proven to be true.  It smells like anti-freeze (which wreaks if I do say so myself) and it NOT PLEASANT; especially when giving others rides, which I do all the time.  So I called my guy (shout out Kevin Bettencourt!) back home and he said it's very uncommon to have this issue in these trucks.  Also that if I don't see anything leaking or can't find it- it probably isn't leaking.  He gave me one other thing to try (maybe something is plugged up) but other than that it doesn't sound like I should have a real problem.  Praise God... I had it totally checked and tuned up before coming and it was clean.  But this smell... it's bad.   Please pray I find it or it is solved miraculously!!  Hey, God cares about this stuff, too. :)
One last thing and I will let you go...
I do plan on going on outreach this year.  It will be from late June to mid August.  We usually go to China to teach the word underground but that has not been set in any stone.  Actually... I probably shouldn't be typing that.  (Lord I pray even now that the enemy and any who would cause any harm would be rendered deaf, dumb, and blind to this information in Jesus Name.)  So if you would start praying now about that major undertaking and how you might be willing to support me financially in that trip I would appreciate it.  I, too, will be saving towards it as I am able.  
I continue to be SO GRATEFUL for your thoughts, prayers, love, and support.  I could not do what I do without you all encouraging me through. 
Blessings, sweet friends.
Leah