So sorry, guys...
I am struggling with motivation to write.
I find that when I get home to 'work' online in the evenings I shut down. Even though I still have a couple to a few hours of evening to accomplish something; I just want to lay down and veg out. Our days are pretty go go go here, but not so much so that I shouldn't be able to write a blog or update here and there. I'm sorry about that. I think seriously that I need to add some sort of exercise to my routine- always helps to get the endorphins kickin'.
Christmas is around the corner and I will be spending it with my 'other Mom and Dad' on Oahu. They are generously getting me over to the other island and that will be very cool. I had never been to Hawaii before last year and I certainly haven't seen any other islands! The best part is that I will actually have family for Christmas... how blessed am I??
Bless you all!
Leah
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
The Way Things are Going...
Hello! Well it's getting a bit trickier to make time to just blog! Our school is in the full flow now and things are, well, demanding! It's a good busy...but BUSY none the less. I was just saying to my leader yesterday that my plan is to staff this year to get the flow of things and then take online courses towards a degree next year- but that at this point I seriously could not imagine taking courses on top of my schedule!! I get up at 6:15am and don't make it home until around 10:15p. I try to go to sleep as soon as possible to get a good nights rest- sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I am not. But, PRAISE GOD I have a nice bed and shared apartment to come home to!!! I have the sweetest roommate! She is from Brazil and has a precious heart. I praise God for her- you never know when you meet a stranger if you will connect or be compatible for living together- but I am overjoyed to report that God in His love and mercy has given me Aline. :) We are still waiting for our 3rd roommate to arrive from Russia. She is having Visa issues and we just keep getting reports that it will be a bit longer, be a bit longer.. our rent is higher every month she is not here, so needless to say we are REALLY praying she comes sooooon! Not to mention she is also a staff member in my school, so until she gets here the weight that the only other female staff and I carry is much heavier.
You could pray for that! Thanks!!
The students are doing well; struggling with all the same issues that I did. Some of them may be reading this after I post it on facebook so I won't be too specific but if you could pray for them as well that would be great. Right now their school fees are due by Oct. 24th and 4 of them still owe a combined total of $7570. One gal in particular owes about $3500. of that amount. We are believing that God will provide as He has done so many times before. When something is His will, He makes a way.
I am teaching the book of Ruth in just a few weeks... OH PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS. The preparation is intense. I am not looking forward to it for the very most part. For those of you who know me, you know that I am totally capable of speaking in front of a crowd, but teaching...well... I can do it but it's not my strongest gift. I know it will be fine- I have every confidence because God would not have called me to it if He wasn't going to enable me to do it. It's just that I want to be truly knowledgeable in all the required information. You know me... I'm not into faking anything. I want to be the real deal. So please pray that I do truly well. I would appreciate that.
Along the lines of prayer requests I pray that you would also lift up my laptop and phone. You know how it goes... my laptop is 3 years old now. Last year I did have to take it for some repairs and I just dread the day it dies. It would not be worth the cost to repair it again. God is so amazing I know He will provide what I need when I need it. Also, sooner than that I fear my phone will go. It is a lemon- it has always been a lemon. But it's my lemon and again, I dread the day it goes, hehe. Neither of these are a 'right this minute' issue, and I praise God that I am truly blessed to have anything at all!! That is the truth.
Bless you guys!!!
Leah
You could pray for that! Thanks!!
The students are doing well; struggling with all the same issues that I did. Some of them may be reading this after I post it on facebook so I won't be too specific but if you could pray for them as well that would be great. Right now their school fees are due by Oct. 24th and 4 of them still owe a combined total of $7570. One gal in particular owes about $3500. of that amount. We are believing that God will provide as He has done so many times before. When something is His will, He makes a way.
I am teaching the book of Ruth in just a few weeks... OH PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS. The preparation is intense. I am not looking forward to it for the very most part. For those of you who know me, you know that I am totally capable of speaking in front of a crowd, but teaching...well... I can do it but it's not my strongest gift. I know it will be fine- I have every confidence because God would not have called me to it if He wasn't going to enable me to do it. It's just that I want to be truly knowledgeable in all the required information. You know me... I'm not into faking anything. I want to be the real deal. So please pray that I do truly well. I would appreciate that.
Along the lines of prayer requests I pray that you would also lift up my laptop and phone. You know how it goes... my laptop is 3 years old now. Last year I did have to take it for some repairs and I just dread the day it dies. It would not be worth the cost to repair it again. God is so amazing I know He will provide what I need when I need it. Also, sooner than that I fear my phone will go. It is a lemon- it has always been a lemon. But it's my lemon and again, I dread the day it goes, hehe. Neither of these are a 'right this minute' issue, and I praise God that I am truly blessed to have anything at all!! That is the truth.
Bless you guys!!!
Leah
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Back to Kona
Hey, Guys...
Well, it's official; I'm back in Kona. I've been here for a few days now and it's been quite an adjustment. I'm still adjusting, actually! It's so strange to come back to a place that feels so much like home in so many ways and yet be completely displaced.
The first day was a real struggle emotionally. My school leader picked me up and it was cool to hang out w/ him for a bit. We ran to Walmart and then got lunch at this awesome hole in the wall sushi place. He helped me get my staff stuff started (getting my ID, etc.) and got me to my room. For the first month I am staying on campus. Oh, the joys of campus life. Loud laughter after campus quiet time and children running around. It was a bit of a jolt just in that all of my belongings are in the apartment I thought I was coming back to; there are some (really nice) guys staying there until the end of the month after their quarter for school ends. I did go and get my sleeping bag, pillow, some shoes, etc. from them, but I don't want to go over there every time I need something! So I've had to re-buy some basics which will just be used in the long run anyway. I really make an effort to be flexible, but I confess sometimes when I have something in my head and it gets changed it takes me a bit to come around. The gals in my new room are great; I just didn't expect to be on a top bunk 3 feet from the ceiling climbing up and down for all my belongings! Praise God at 42 (almost!!) I am physically able to do it.
The first couple of days were rough. Like I said I feel at home here, but none of my dearest friends are here, so at every memory it is the obvious lack of them. I used to think that if I were ever in a Castaway (Tom Hanks) situation that I would be okay. That I would LOVE the serenity and after the initial shock of being alone I would probably be just fine alone w/ God in a beautiful place. Not that I wouldn't get lonely; just that I would be okay. Get myself a monkey! Or a Wilson! But after the first couple of days here, surrounded by hundreds of people but feeling so alone, I wondered if I would not be okay at all (as a Castaway). Finally at lunch I ran into a dear friend that was actually a part of my 'hang out' group last year. I yelled his name and we hugged... I said, "Man I could seriously cry just seeing you." He said, "I know, right?! I feel the same way!" He has been here since July w/ none of the close friends around and has not yet made intimate friends. It's tough, it's harder than it should be sometimes. We talked about what it feels like here and the adjustment.
I am totally confident that I will have dear friends here this year. I am confident that God will bring true fellowship. I'm not concerned about that; although I was before coming honestly. It's just the 'meantime.'
Yesterday I was in my room and one of our remaining staff called me and came to my room. She was on campus and was intentional about coming by to love on me and let me know that she is here for me. She is a saint and someone I know I can go to when things become rough. She is younger than my mother but just by a number of years. She is gentle and calm. Today we have a date for coffee.
Yesterday evening I ate dinner on campus and then went out w/ a group that will be on our staff team. Oh, my goodness, these kids are all so young. They are all in their 20's for the very most part. It's great, they are full of life. I did, I confess, feel like an outsider. They were not at ALL noninclusive- it was just that they all know each other from their own SBS. They were in the same class so they had the stories and inside jokes that come from spending 9 intense months in the trenches together. They explained and were kind- but I realized it will take awhile before we have our own stories and ties that bind. We have all signed up for two years of service to the SBS so I am confident we will grow to love each other dearly. It's just, again, the adjustment period.
I'm also grieving my Mom a bit. I tear just writing it. I am incredibly blessed in my relationship with my Mother. She truly is my best friend and we discuss everything. I had the spoiled blessing of skyping with her almost every morning while I was home. Now our time difference is exactly 12 hours apart so timing is tricky and with the new schedule I won't get that daily dose of processing and sharing. You know everything is better when you can run it by Mom! Thank You, God, for that precious relationship. Love you, Mama.
I appreciate any and all prayers for this adjustment time. We start staff training tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I start my job in the evenings (chatting w/ pregnant gals who need resources and options) a week from tomorrow...so it is starting! It's all kicking into gear.
Thank you, guys, for everything. For your prayers and for caring. Bless all your buns!
Well, it's official; I'm back in Kona. I've been here for a few days now and it's been quite an adjustment. I'm still adjusting, actually! It's so strange to come back to a place that feels so much like home in so many ways and yet be completely displaced.
The first day was a real struggle emotionally. My school leader picked me up and it was cool to hang out w/ him for a bit. We ran to Walmart and then got lunch at this awesome hole in the wall sushi place. He helped me get my staff stuff started (getting my ID, etc.) and got me to my room. For the first month I am staying on campus. Oh, the joys of campus life. Loud laughter after campus quiet time and children running around. It was a bit of a jolt just in that all of my belongings are in the apartment I thought I was coming back to; there are some (really nice) guys staying there until the end of the month after their quarter for school ends. I did go and get my sleeping bag, pillow, some shoes, etc. from them, but I don't want to go over there every time I need something! So I've had to re-buy some basics which will just be used in the long run anyway. I really make an effort to be flexible, but I confess sometimes when I have something in my head and it gets changed it takes me a bit to come around. The gals in my new room are great; I just didn't expect to be on a top bunk 3 feet from the ceiling climbing up and down for all my belongings! Praise God at 42 (almost!!) I am physically able to do it.
The first couple of days were rough. Like I said I feel at home here, but none of my dearest friends are here, so at every memory it is the obvious lack of them. I used to think that if I were ever in a Castaway (Tom Hanks) situation that I would be okay. That I would LOVE the serenity and after the initial shock of being alone I would probably be just fine alone w/ God in a beautiful place. Not that I wouldn't get lonely; just that I would be okay. Get myself a monkey! Or a Wilson! But after the first couple of days here, surrounded by hundreds of people but feeling so alone, I wondered if I would not be okay at all (as a Castaway). Finally at lunch I ran into a dear friend that was actually a part of my 'hang out' group last year. I yelled his name and we hugged... I said, "Man I could seriously cry just seeing you." He said, "I know, right?! I feel the same way!" He has been here since July w/ none of the close friends around and has not yet made intimate friends. It's tough, it's harder than it should be sometimes. We talked about what it feels like here and the adjustment.
I am totally confident that I will have dear friends here this year. I am confident that God will bring true fellowship. I'm not concerned about that; although I was before coming honestly. It's just the 'meantime.'
Yesterday I was in my room and one of our remaining staff called me and came to my room. She was on campus and was intentional about coming by to love on me and let me know that she is here for me. She is a saint and someone I know I can go to when things become rough. She is younger than my mother but just by a number of years. She is gentle and calm. Today we have a date for coffee.
Yesterday evening I ate dinner on campus and then went out w/ a group that will be on our staff team. Oh, my goodness, these kids are all so young. They are all in their 20's for the very most part. It's great, they are full of life. I did, I confess, feel like an outsider. They were not at ALL noninclusive- it was just that they all know each other from their own SBS. They were in the same class so they had the stories and inside jokes that come from spending 9 intense months in the trenches together. They explained and were kind- but I realized it will take awhile before we have our own stories and ties that bind. We have all signed up for two years of service to the SBS so I am confident we will grow to love each other dearly. It's just, again, the adjustment period.
I'm also grieving my Mom a bit. I tear just writing it. I am incredibly blessed in my relationship with my Mother. She truly is my best friend and we discuss everything. I had the spoiled blessing of skyping with her almost every morning while I was home. Now our time difference is exactly 12 hours apart so timing is tricky and with the new schedule I won't get that daily dose of processing and sharing. You know everything is better when you can run it by Mom! Thank You, God, for that precious relationship. Love you, Mama.
I appreciate any and all prayers for this adjustment time. We start staff training tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I start my job in the evenings (chatting w/ pregnant gals who need resources and options) a week from tomorrow...so it is starting! It's all kicking into gear.
Thank you, guys, for everything. For your prayers and for caring. Bless all your buns!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Forgive Me!!!
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!!!
I have told myself day after day 'just blog, Leah! Write a blog!' but... I haven't. Obviously. I'm positive no one's lives have been that greatly affected by this fact so I have kinda let myself slide but for those of you who are so gracious to keep up, I sincerely do apologize.
What a crazy ride being home for these summer weeks has been. I return to Kona in just two short weeks and feel the anxiety of all of the meetings I still need to have. Praise God, however that all I came home to accomplish- by His grace- has been accomplished!! I have insurance for this next year, both car and health, I have gained the support of a committed few to be members of the Team that will be regularly praying and some financially supporting the kingdom work that God is doing in my life. I taught the Inductive Bible Study Seminar last Saturday and after much stress I can say it went well. It was a small turnout but I am absolutely confident it was exactly what God would have it be. I confess I dropped the ball on better advertisement as my trepidation got the better of me. I have visited with family and friends, held my beloved dogs and cat, touched base with those who are dear to me and had the overwhelming miracle of God confirming His word of sending my truck over to Hawaii become a reality!! THAT is the story I will tell...
As some of you have read I was debating selling my beloved truck. I know we are not supposed to have treasures on earth. Getting this truck was a miracle in itself. I have had it for 10 years now. It is literally my only asset. I have held loosely and given up most of the ties that bound me to go to Kona and invest my life in serving God and in His Word. This last season I was praying about selling my truck. I made a further two year commitment to be in Kona and I was not willing to pay the (ever increasing) price of having it just sit in my mother's drive way- which wasn't good for the truck, or for my pocketbook. I really believed God had told me He was going to get it to Kona. Whaaaaat? That just seemed "too big" to me. How the heck? But I had a buddy move to another island, and as we spoke one night he told me that is exactly what he had done with his truck. I told him I needed the details about how that had worked. He gave them to me, and as I googled different options I found that it would cost $1025. to ship. Well- I have seen Him do greater things, but still it seemed like an awfully lot. I came home, weeks went by... finally I came to exactly four weeks until I had to return to Kona. I prayed, "Oh, Lord... I know you are never late, but I sure would appreciate you being early on this one. I really don't want to have to get down to the wire wondering, 'is this actually going to happen' or what arrangements I need to make for my truck, or sell it...? Well THAT AFTERNOON I got a text from some dear supporters and friends of mine. She said, "I have your support for this month- how do you want it? OR if you feel that you have your monthly expenses met for the year, we could give it to you in a lump sum which would get your truck over..." I WAS FLOORED. FLOORED!!! "Um... YES PLEASE!" I wasn't positive of the exact dollar support for my monthly expenses but I knew that God was not going to leave me hanging. She gave me the check. I have booked the date to drop my truck off in Oakland, Ca... and they will ship it to Hilo, HI. I will have to get a ride to the other side of the island to pick it up. I need to pay for gas for the person who takes me to Oakland and the person who takes me to Hilo- but its happening! It's really happening!! I got new car insurance that is MUCH less than the previous insurance that I had (we won't go into that story)! I am a sistah that is hooked up! Having a vehicle will bless the school, students with needs, and of course, me personally!! I still plan on walking where I can, but actually getting to see some of the island this year is an exciting thought!! woot woot!!!
I continue to be grateful for the prayers and support I have received. It feels so amazing to see and feel God's hand so completely upon me. Why do we choose to live anywhere but the center of His will? It is astounding! Even as I write that I know that the boldness in saying so will rouse the heart of my enemy to lash out at me with temptations to get me side tracked. This is his ammo and how he functions. Tough Turkey Toes. God is my provider and my protector! I will cry His name from the mountain tops giving Him Glory for ALL He has done and continues to do!!! More, Lord!! I want MORE OF YOU AND OF YOUR SPIRIT!!! I cannot wait to see lives changed and healing come in YOUR Mighty Name in this next season! I embrace my own season of wellness and know that all of the suffering has been for the sake of the call that will work together for good! This is a lot of exclamation points but I am excited!
Love you guys- xoxo
I have told myself day after day 'just blog, Leah! Write a blog!' but... I haven't. Obviously. I'm positive no one's lives have been that greatly affected by this fact so I have kinda let myself slide but for those of you who are so gracious to keep up, I sincerely do apologize.
What a crazy ride being home for these summer weeks has been. I return to Kona in just two short weeks and feel the anxiety of all of the meetings I still need to have. Praise God, however that all I came home to accomplish- by His grace- has been accomplished!! I have insurance for this next year, both car and health, I have gained the support of a committed few to be members of the Team that will be regularly praying and some financially supporting the kingdom work that God is doing in my life. I taught the Inductive Bible Study Seminar last Saturday and after much stress I can say it went well. It was a small turnout but I am absolutely confident it was exactly what God would have it be. I confess I dropped the ball on better advertisement as my trepidation got the better of me. I have visited with family and friends, held my beloved dogs and cat, touched base with those who are dear to me and had the overwhelming miracle of God confirming His word of sending my truck over to Hawaii become a reality!! THAT is the story I will tell...
As some of you have read I was debating selling my beloved truck. I know we are not supposed to have treasures on earth. Getting this truck was a miracle in itself. I have had it for 10 years now. It is literally my only asset. I have held loosely and given up most of the ties that bound me to go to Kona and invest my life in serving God and in His Word. This last season I was praying about selling my truck. I made a further two year commitment to be in Kona and I was not willing to pay the (ever increasing) price of having it just sit in my mother's drive way- which wasn't good for the truck, or for my pocketbook. I really believed God had told me He was going to get it to Kona. Whaaaaat? That just seemed "too big" to me. How the heck? But I had a buddy move to another island, and as we spoke one night he told me that is exactly what he had done with his truck. I told him I needed the details about how that had worked. He gave them to me, and as I googled different options I found that it would cost $1025. to ship. Well- I have seen Him do greater things, but still it seemed like an awfully lot. I came home, weeks went by... finally I came to exactly four weeks until I had to return to Kona. I prayed, "Oh, Lord... I know you are never late, but I sure would appreciate you being early on this one. I really don't want to have to get down to the wire wondering, 'is this actually going to happen' or what arrangements I need to make for my truck, or sell it...? Well THAT AFTERNOON I got a text from some dear supporters and friends of mine. She said, "I have your support for this month- how do you want it? OR if you feel that you have your monthly expenses met for the year, we could give it to you in a lump sum which would get your truck over..." I WAS FLOORED. FLOORED!!! "Um... YES PLEASE!" I wasn't positive of the exact dollar support for my monthly expenses but I knew that God was not going to leave me hanging. She gave me the check. I have booked the date to drop my truck off in Oakland, Ca... and they will ship it to Hilo, HI. I will have to get a ride to the other side of the island to pick it up. I need to pay for gas for the person who takes me to Oakland and the person who takes me to Hilo- but its happening! It's really happening!! I got new car insurance that is MUCH less than the previous insurance that I had (we won't go into that story)! I am a sistah that is hooked up! Having a vehicle will bless the school, students with needs, and of course, me personally!! I still plan on walking where I can, but actually getting to see some of the island this year is an exciting thought!! woot woot!!!
I continue to be grateful for the prayers and support I have received. It feels so amazing to see and feel God's hand so completely upon me. Why do we choose to live anywhere but the center of His will? It is astounding! Even as I write that I know that the boldness in saying so will rouse the heart of my enemy to lash out at me with temptations to get me side tracked. This is his ammo and how he functions. Tough Turkey Toes. God is my provider and my protector! I will cry His name from the mountain tops giving Him Glory for ALL He has done and continues to do!!! More, Lord!! I want MORE OF YOU AND OF YOUR SPIRIT!!! I cannot wait to see lives changed and healing come in YOUR Mighty Name in this next season! I embrace my own season of wellness and know that all of the suffering has been for the sake of the call that will work together for good! This is a lot of exclamation points but I am excited!
Love you guys- xoxo
Sunday, July 14, 2013
It has not Slowed Down!!
Hey, Sweet Friends...
Just a quick update. I have been back home in California for just about 2 weeks now. It has not slowed down as I was home for only 3 days before driving to Southern California to visit my 'other parents', up to Temecula w/ my friend from school Femi to visit one of our bible teachers; the one and only Steve Gregg with his absolutely gorgeous and gracious wife Dayna, then back to Palm Desert w/ the folks, then back to LA to visit a girlfriend of mine from high school for a couple of days and theeeenn... pause for breath... over to a celebration of my oldest friend's 20th wedding celebration! I was her original maid of honor and was so thrilled to get to be with them as they renewed their vows. I put over 1500 miles on my truck and was... exhausted to say the least. So now I have been setting dates and making plans, getting quotes and going through items for a yard sale (on the 20th- come one come all!) Next week I am honored to speak at my brother's church (it is my mother's church, too, when she is in California.) I am nervous about it- I will be sharing a brief testimony, about YWAM, and about the Chronological school of biblical studies I just finished as well as about the two year commitment I have made and what that looks like. Please pray for the Holy Spirit to go before me and that it will be whatever God intends for it to be!! Thank you...
Tomorrow I start making phone calls to meet with people one on one regarding support for the next two years. I have been full of the fear of man and rejection regarding these meetings. Church this morning was so good as they reminded that fear is totally from the enemy (which I do know, but it is always a good reminder) and that God did not give us a spirit of timidity, that perfect love casts out all fear, and that as big as the 'mountain' in front of me is... it will never get any bigger than what it is...where as I can always grow and get bigger spiritually! Get out of my way, mountain, I am doing God's will here!! Halla!! :) My precious girlfriend from school reminded me that what I am doing is priceless and the lives that will be changed are a worthy cause! I am so grateful to have Truth spoken to me. I am even more grateful that God has already chosen these team members and roused them towards how He would have them participate in all He will be accomplishing in these next two years. Sending His word to the nations; so cool.
As mentioned before, I have started setting dates to the seminar's that I will be teaching on the Inductive Bible Study method. I know some of you have asked (Rhonda and Jungmee!) when, where, etc... so the first one will be at Bethany Christian Services in Modesto on Saturday August 17th from 9am-1pm. 3048 Hahn Dr. Modesto, Ca 95355. It will be $20. per person. Please email me at leahdesalles@gmail.com to register. I look so forward to sharing with you!! (Aaaaand I am soooo nervous about it so pleaaaaase pray!!)
I think I will wrap it up there... keep it simple. I would sincerely appreciate your prayers regarding "the team" God is raising up, these seminars, and the yard sale I will be having! THANK YOU SO MUCH... blessings!!! xoxo
ps... also, please be praying for our team teaching bible to pastors underground in a location I can not mention on the internet!! thank you!!
Just a quick update. I have been back home in California for just about 2 weeks now. It has not slowed down as I was home for only 3 days before driving to Southern California to visit my 'other parents', up to Temecula w/ my friend from school Femi to visit one of our bible teachers; the one and only Steve Gregg with his absolutely gorgeous and gracious wife Dayna, then back to Palm Desert w/ the folks, then back to LA to visit a girlfriend of mine from high school for a couple of days and theeeenn... pause for breath... over to a celebration of my oldest friend's 20th wedding celebration! I was her original maid of honor and was so thrilled to get to be with them as they renewed their vows. I put over 1500 miles on my truck and was... exhausted to say the least. So now I have been setting dates and making plans, getting quotes and going through items for a yard sale (on the 20th- come one come all!) Next week I am honored to speak at my brother's church (it is my mother's church, too, when she is in California.) I am nervous about it- I will be sharing a brief testimony, about YWAM, and about the Chronological school of biblical studies I just finished as well as about the two year commitment I have made and what that looks like. Please pray for the Holy Spirit to go before me and that it will be whatever God intends for it to be!! Thank you...
Tomorrow I start making phone calls to meet with people one on one regarding support for the next two years. I have been full of the fear of man and rejection regarding these meetings. Church this morning was so good as they reminded that fear is totally from the enemy (which I do know, but it is always a good reminder) and that God did not give us a spirit of timidity, that perfect love casts out all fear, and that as big as the 'mountain' in front of me is... it will never get any bigger than what it is...where as I can always grow and get bigger spiritually! Get out of my way, mountain, I am doing God's will here!! Halla!! :) My precious girlfriend from school reminded me that what I am doing is priceless and the lives that will be changed are a worthy cause! I am so grateful to have Truth spoken to me. I am even more grateful that God has already chosen these team members and roused them towards how He would have them participate in all He will be accomplishing in these next two years. Sending His word to the nations; so cool.
As mentioned before, I have started setting dates to the seminar's that I will be teaching on the Inductive Bible Study method. I know some of you have asked (Rhonda and Jungmee!) when, where, etc... so the first one will be at Bethany Christian Services in Modesto on Saturday August 17th from 9am-1pm. 3048 Hahn Dr. Modesto, Ca 95355. It will be $20. per person. Please email me at leahdesalles@gmail.com to register. I look so forward to sharing with you!! (Aaaaand I am soooo nervous about it so pleaaaaase pray!!)
I think I will wrap it up there... keep it simple. I would sincerely appreciate your prayers regarding "the team" God is raising up, these seminars, and the yard sale I will be having! THANK YOU SO MUCH... blessings!!! xoxo
ps... also, please be praying for our team teaching bible to pastors underground in a location I can not mention on the internet!! thank you!!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Home again~ but changed.
Well, shoot.
I have been meaning to write at some dramatic time like during a layover in an airport or something...but here I am... writing after getting home from the four walls that have known me the longest! Praise God I flew from Hawaii on time at 10:03pm and arrived in San Francisco California at 2:30am my time and around 6:30am California time. I had a three hour lay over before I flew to Sacramento- God is so good. I was dreading the three hour layover being so tired and not having slept much- but when I got the SFO and found my gate, I sat down and they started announcing an earlier flight to Sacramento. I went to the counter and asked...actually, I barely had to ask- the guy behind the counter was so friendly and got me right on the next flight! I called my dad to warn him I'd be in Sac earlier and as soon as I hung up- I boarded! An hour later I was in Sacramento. My body was starting to get really upset with me for not sleeping or eating in several hours. So I tried to relax a bit and in swift time my dad and stepmom were there to get me! Home by 11:10am..in bed by 11:20am... slept for 3 hours. Made myself get up so that I could sleep last night (which was NOT going to be a problem!) We are so used to go go going that when I woke up I didn't know what to do w/ myself. I washed my beloved blessing of a vehicle, charged the battery, had dinner w/ my brother and took it for a spin 'around the block.' I felt so grown up driving my truck!! It is really something to not have your own transportation for the better part of a year. I confess my legs are in great shape after walking all over that mountain... but oh the joy of hopping in your car to run errands at a distance! Praise You, God for your gifts to us!!
I have had $8. in my checking account for about a month. I wasn't freaking out because He has taught me to know better. When I need something, He will provide it; and everything in June had been accomplished...but here comes July ;) So! I traveled home and am scheduled to go to Palm Desert (Southern California) to visit my 'other parents.' I knew the gas of that would cost about $100. and I knew I could cancel if I didn't have the money by Monday (when I am scheduled to leave.) I just trusted that if it was God's will He would provide. (I don't know when visiting family is NOT God's will, but, timing possibly...so... I trusted.) I got home and an envelope had been sitting in my room for 3 months. It was from blood work that I had done a year ago. It was a refund check from overpaying last year! $178. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He is so generous and on time, I cannot express. So I have money to go visit my 'other parents' and enough to cover my phone bill that will be coming in a week or so...plus a bit. Hallelujah.
It's strange to be home. Strange to think of all these winter clothes that belong to me. I will be having a yard sale in the next couple of weeks to earn money to print off the materials that I need to teach the seminars on how to study the bible- still working on the exact dates of those, but they are coming sooon!! I think most will be August dates, but we shall see... maybe one late July.
I am both nervous and eager to teach these seminars.
School ending was super emotional. So many months we had fought together to achieve our goal and when it was finally over it was-well- over. We cried and had a fantastic graduation dinner and slide show. All the faces that had become so dear. My best friends and I just clung to each other dreading the minute we had to let go. When we did it was just brutal. I love these girls beyond what words can express. To have fought so hard and so long for something while experiencing all the transformation that comes with it along the way must be a bit like having gone through war together. (Not an accurate comparison at all, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.) No one else can quite understand what you just went through or what it took out of you. All that you learned and what was poured INTO you. The bible nerd jokes and new language. Thank God for modern technology! We have been 'voxing' each other regularly with constant updates of flights and feelings. Thank God for Facebook (how many people can say that?!). That was a hard earned 48 units of credit and I am grateful for the gifts of my room mates and friends that went through it with me. Love those guys.
Now in September (just 9 weeks from now) I will be returning as staff. This means that I will grade the homework of the new students, have one on one counseling with them when they want or need it, teach...oh, Lord! Teach! and do all the things that need doing... which is anything and everything they tell me to do! I am eager to see how many nations we will be pouring into this year and be the truly sympathetic ear when they are struggling. It is a battle I have fought and am eager to help others fight well also.
I praise God for His faithful provision. I never had to go without my vitamins, I always had food to eat (even when it sucked) and people I could turn to. I absolutely know that I have grown stronger in my spirit through His and that I am not who I was 9 months ago. I have the foundation of God's word locked into my heart and understand His intentions for us through it. I am clear on what I believe and why I believe it. I have had questions answered and doctrine solidified. I look forward to continuing my education and pouring out to the nations all that has been given me.
If you EVER want to visit Kona- I hope you will! I hope you can sit in on a day of lecture and experience what God is doing and how He is moving. How we would love to have you!
In the meantime please pray about attending one of my Inductive Bible Study seminars. I would be honored if you would consider coming!!!
Thank you for your continued prayers and support!! Blessings.
I have been meaning to write at some dramatic time like during a layover in an airport or something...but here I am... writing after getting home from the four walls that have known me the longest! Praise God I flew from Hawaii on time at 10:03pm and arrived in San Francisco California at 2:30am my time and around 6:30am California time. I had a three hour lay over before I flew to Sacramento- God is so good. I was dreading the three hour layover being so tired and not having slept much- but when I got the SFO and found my gate, I sat down and they started announcing an earlier flight to Sacramento. I went to the counter and asked...actually, I barely had to ask- the guy behind the counter was so friendly and got me right on the next flight! I called my dad to warn him I'd be in Sac earlier and as soon as I hung up- I boarded! An hour later I was in Sacramento. My body was starting to get really upset with me for not sleeping or eating in several hours. So I tried to relax a bit and in swift time my dad and stepmom were there to get me! Home by 11:10am..in bed by 11:20am... slept for 3 hours. Made myself get up so that I could sleep last night (which was NOT going to be a problem!) We are so used to go go going that when I woke up I didn't know what to do w/ myself. I washed my beloved blessing of a vehicle, charged the battery, had dinner w/ my brother and took it for a spin 'around the block.' I felt so grown up driving my truck!! It is really something to not have your own transportation for the better part of a year. I confess my legs are in great shape after walking all over that mountain... but oh the joy of hopping in your car to run errands at a distance! Praise You, God for your gifts to us!!
I have had $8. in my checking account for about a month. I wasn't freaking out because He has taught me to know better. When I need something, He will provide it; and everything in June had been accomplished...but here comes July ;) So! I traveled home and am scheduled to go to Palm Desert (Southern California) to visit my 'other parents.' I knew the gas of that would cost about $100. and I knew I could cancel if I didn't have the money by Monday (when I am scheduled to leave.) I just trusted that if it was God's will He would provide. (I don't know when visiting family is NOT God's will, but, timing possibly...so... I trusted.) I got home and an envelope had been sitting in my room for 3 months. It was from blood work that I had done a year ago. It was a refund check from overpaying last year! $178. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He is so generous and on time, I cannot express. So I have money to go visit my 'other parents' and enough to cover my phone bill that will be coming in a week or so...plus a bit. Hallelujah.
It's strange to be home. Strange to think of all these winter clothes that belong to me. I will be having a yard sale in the next couple of weeks to earn money to print off the materials that I need to teach the seminars on how to study the bible- still working on the exact dates of those, but they are coming sooon!! I think most will be August dates, but we shall see... maybe one late July.
I am both nervous and eager to teach these seminars.
School ending was super emotional. So many months we had fought together to achieve our goal and when it was finally over it was-well- over. We cried and had a fantastic graduation dinner and slide show. All the faces that had become so dear. My best friends and I just clung to each other dreading the minute we had to let go. When we did it was just brutal. I love these girls beyond what words can express. To have fought so hard and so long for something while experiencing all the transformation that comes with it along the way must be a bit like having gone through war together. (Not an accurate comparison at all, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.) No one else can quite understand what you just went through or what it took out of you. All that you learned and what was poured INTO you. The bible nerd jokes and new language. Thank God for modern technology! We have been 'voxing' each other regularly with constant updates of flights and feelings. Thank God for Facebook (how many people can say that?!). That was a hard earned 48 units of credit and I am grateful for the gifts of my room mates and friends that went through it with me. Love those guys.
Now in September (just 9 weeks from now) I will be returning as staff. This means that I will grade the homework of the new students, have one on one counseling with them when they want or need it, teach...oh, Lord! Teach! and do all the things that need doing... which is anything and everything they tell me to do! I am eager to see how many nations we will be pouring into this year and be the truly sympathetic ear when they are struggling. It is a battle I have fought and am eager to help others fight well also.
I praise God for His faithful provision. I never had to go without my vitamins, I always had food to eat (even when it sucked) and people I could turn to. I absolutely know that I have grown stronger in my spirit through His and that I am not who I was 9 months ago. I have the foundation of God's word locked into my heart and understand His intentions for us through it. I am clear on what I believe and why I believe it. I have had questions answered and doctrine solidified. I look forward to continuing my education and pouring out to the nations all that has been given me.
If you EVER want to visit Kona- I hope you will! I hope you can sit in on a day of lecture and experience what God is doing and how He is moving. How we would love to have you!
In the meantime please pray about attending one of my Inductive Bible Study seminars. I would be honored if you would consider coming!!!
Thank you for your continued prayers and support!! Blessings.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Giving Glory to the One!!
God is trippin' me out!!
He is unbelievably generous and attentive. It's amazing how being in the center of His will for you comes with such eerie provision and guidance. One wonders why they ever wasted time anywhere else!! Remember THAT when facing temptation!! (as we inevitably do...)
I wrote before that I knew God would get me home to accomplish all that needs to be done this summer- I didn't know HOW I would get there, but I knew if it was His will, I would get there...well... my dad and stepmom allowed the Spirit to rouse them and decided to give me some of their flyer miles to get me home and back again!! This is a miracle in more ways than one, and I am grateful...so grateful. When they called (which is also uncommon) I was blown away- upon hanging up I was literally on the floor laughing and crying, making strange noises that my room mates may have wondered about from the kitchen; nonetheless I could not control myself. I know He will provide, I try my best to walk in the faith of trusting He will provide, but it's not as easy as it should be...so He just keeps showing Himself to me in these huge ways. When it happens I cannot help but stand in such humbling awe. His timing is flawless- always exactly when it's needed.
Here is another story of my 'trying my best' to trust Him fully. (It's not that I don't think He is trustworthy- I KNOW HE IS TRUSTWORTHY- it is my earthly lack of trust in people from past hurts that transfers over to my God, even tho He is so undeserving of such hesitation.)
So- my cell phone bill was coming due. Funny how that happens every month ;) It was coming due and I did not have the full amount. I just prayed, "Lord- you know what my needs are. I am not going to ride the emotional roller coaster every time I have a need. I trust You." These words are easier prayed than done. It was going to be taken out of my account automatically in two days. The first day I called my mother- and asked for it. Way to trust God! She could not transfer money from her bank in the Netherlands to mine in California. So we were both praying. I called my best girlfriend...and asked her for it (so embarrassing). Way to trust God! She didn't get my message until way too late- the next day it would come out of my account. I called the phone company and asked them to not take it out automatically- this would cause my account to bounce and be charged $32. over what the bill would even be! The bill itself wasn't due until the 9th and they take it automatically on the 6th. I told my Mom jokingly, "I bought God a couple of days." (Like He needs it. such a joke.) SO!! The part you are waiting for... my room mate had a fundraiser that evening. I usually help her in that she is from India and all students from other countries must have an American to accept the money for some legal reason. So- we did her fundraiser. That evening she comes to me with her tithe. I, of course, tried to refuse like a good prideful child. I tell her the money is for her outreach, yada yada... She tells me in firm fashion that it is not her tithe just from this night, but from other things as well and that it is between her and God and she is insistent on tithing... wants to give it to me! ugh. so humbling. So- it's in cash. I can't get it to my bank in time or pay online with it. I am thinking, 'how can I pay my bill?' She asks me about it- because she thought my mom had paid it- I said, 'No, she hadn't. Couldn't.' "Oh!" she exclaims, "I can give you the tithe from my card if that is easier-" SO SHE PAYS MY PHONE BILL. Again RIGHT on time... I didn't need to buy God time or anything. He had it covered. He knew what she was going to do, He knew her tithes together would equal the exact amount of my bill. He knew the day and hour it was due. It is always especially humbling when missionaries give to other missionaries. It is a great feeling to be able to support each other in our needs. I confess I much prefer being on the giving end...but hey... God is in control. So- all that to give Glory to the One who is able to keep me and do exceedingly abundantly above or beyond anything I can wrap my head around.
As I come home (in 18 days!!!) I am overwhelmed by God's goodness to me. I have so much more to write, but you know how I feel about blogs that are too long. So please just be praying for the ability to accomplish all I need to while I'm home. I need to:
* Have a yard sale to earn money (yuck, right?)
* Go down south and visit my in-laws (yay!)
* Arrange and pay for health insurance for the next year (so I can be on the YWAM base)
* Practice and Teach 2/3 educational seminars on the Inductive Bible Study Method (who's in?!!!) (This also requires printing off the materials before the seminars... yard sale money?)
* Decide once and for all what to do about my truck...
(God is leading me towards shipping it here...which should cost about $1100. - about what I would pay for a moped. This will allow me to get to church next year and also take students places, grocery shop, run errands, etc. You know... HAVE TRANSPORTATION.)
* Try to see my doctor
* Try to see a dentist? (probably not)
* I know I am leaving things off :)
I covet your prayers!!! Love and thanks, guys!! xoxo
He is unbelievably generous and attentive. It's amazing how being in the center of His will for you comes with such eerie provision and guidance. One wonders why they ever wasted time anywhere else!! Remember THAT when facing temptation!! (as we inevitably do...)
I wrote before that I knew God would get me home to accomplish all that needs to be done this summer- I didn't know HOW I would get there, but I knew if it was His will, I would get there...well... my dad and stepmom allowed the Spirit to rouse them and decided to give me some of their flyer miles to get me home and back again!! This is a miracle in more ways than one, and I am grateful...so grateful. When they called (which is also uncommon) I was blown away- upon hanging up I was literally on the floor laughing and crying, making strange noises that my room mates may have wondered about from the kitchen; nonetheless I could not control myself. I know He will provide, I try my best to walk in the faith of trusting He will provide, but it's not as easy as it should be...so He just keeps showing Himself to me in these huge ways. When it happens I cannot help but stand in such humbling awe. His timing is flawless- always exactly when it's needed.
Here is another story of my 'trying my best' to trust Him fully. (It's not that I don't think He is trustworthy- I KNOW HE IS TRUSTWORTHY- it is my earthly lack of trust in people from past hurts that transfers over to my God, even tho He is so undeserving of such hesitation.)
So- my cell phone bill was coming due. Funny how that happens every month ;) It was coming due and I did not have the full amount. I just prayed, "Lord- you know what my needs are. I am not going to ride the emotional roller coaster every time I have a need. I trust You." These words are easier prayed than done. It was going to be taken out of my account automatically in two days. The first day I called my mother- and asked for it. Way to trust God! She could not transfer money from her bank in the Netherlands to mine in California. So we were both praying. I called my best girlfriend...and asked her for it (so embarrassing). Way to trust God! She didn't get my message until way too late- the next day it would come out of my account. I called the phone company and asked them to not take it out automatically- this would cause my account to bounce and be charged $32. over what the bill would even be! The bill itself wasn't due until the 9th and they take it automatically on the 6th. I told my Mom jokingly, "I bought God a couple of days." (Like He needs it. such a joke.) SO!! The part you are waiting for... my room mate had a fundraiser that evening. I usually help her in that she is from India and all students from other countries must have an American to accept the money for some legal reason. So- we did her fundraiser. That evening she comes to me with her tithe. I, of course, tried to refuse like a good prideful child. I tell her the money is for her outreach, yada yada... She tells me in firm fashion that it is not her tithe just from this night, but from other things as well and that it is between her and God and she is insistent on tithing... wants to give it to me! ugh. so humbling. So- it's in cash. I can't get it to my bank in time or pay online with it. I am thinking, 'how can I pay my bill?' She asks me about it- because she thought my mom had paid it- I said, 'No, she hadn't. Couldn't.' "Oh!" she exclaims, "I can give you the tithe from my card if that is easier-" SO SHE PAYS MY PHONE BILL. Again RIGHT on time... I didn't need to buy God time or anything. He had it covered. He knew what she was going to do, He knew her tithes together would equal the exact amount of my bill. He knew the day and hour it was due. It is always especially humbling when missionaries give to other missionaries. It is a great feeling to be able to support each other in our needs. I confess I much prefer being on the giving end...but hey... God is in control. So- all that to give Glory to the One who is able to keep me and do exceedingly abundantly above or beyond anything I can wrap my head around.
As I come home (in 18 days!!!) I am overwhelmed by God's goodness to me. I have so much more to write, but you know how I feel about blogs that are too long. So please just be praying for the ability to accomplish all I need to while I'm home. I need to:
* Have a yard sale to earn money (yuck, right?)
* Go down south and visit my in-laws (yay!)
* Arrange and pay for health insurance for the next year (so I can be on the YWAM base)
* Practice and Teach 2/3 educational seminars on the Inductive Bible Study Method (who's in?!!!) (This also requires printing off the materials before the seminars... yard sale money?)
* Decide once and for all what to do about my truck...
(God is leading me towards shipping it here...which should cost about $1100. - about what I would pay for a moped. This will allow me to get to church next year and also take students places, grocery shop, run errands, etc. You know... HAVE TRANSPORTATION.)
* Try to see my doctor
* Try to see a dentist? (probably not)
* I know I am leaving things off :)
I covet your prayers!!! Love and thanks, guys!! xoxo
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Update and just for kicks...
Hey, guys, just a brief update!
We are down to just 4 weeks left of this course and 9 books of the Bible left. It is crunch time and we all feel it. We are struggling for the end game motivation. The books are so jam packed with good stuff and it's all we can do to take it all in! I will miss these people so much. It's so strange to think of the beginning and how we barely knew each other. We have grown so close. What will I do without my Asian roommates cooking?!! (Just kidding, it's so much more than that-) Living on this mountain has gotten my legs in better shape than they have been in years and my cardio is kickin'!! :)
I will be home (God willing) for 8 weeks this summer. I have so much to do but I am confident God will allow for down time as well. I think I might sleep for a week when I get home! Actually- I know I won't- I'm already anxious about all that needs to be accomplished and NOT having homework every single day will probably drive me nuts as I transition. I won't know what to do with myself so accomplishing all I need to will be a good thing! I am going to have a yard sale and earn some money that way- I really hate yard sales- but hey, do what you have to do, right? We are to 'be ready to do every good work' (Titus 3:1). I will also be preparing for and ultimately teaching a few four hour seminars on the method of studying the bible I have learned here. A couple of you have asked me about that and I promise as soon as I nail down the dates I will let you know. It will probably be early July before I know. I appreciate your interest! I am excited (and nervous) to share with you!!! Please pray for me in this way.
I will also be going to Southern California shortly after arriving home. I am going to visit a girlfriend in LA and then my precious "Other Parents" in Palm Desert for retreat. What an amazing gift it will be to see and spend time with people I love. Can't wait.
Please pray for me- I am praying about selling my Truck. If you know me- you know the dagger this is. It is literally my last asset. It's paid for and a great little truck. Low mileage, dependable... I seriously thought I would have it forever- or until I drove it into the ground, you know what I mean!! It's not worth THAT much- but to me it's very valuable. It is my 'miracle truck.' The way God gave it to me is a miracle story. I know we aren't supposed to be attached to 'things' but I have given up everything to be here and the thought of that last thing- my truck- just for the sake of money just kills me. It doesn't cost me that much to keep it sitting at my mom's- and it is soooo nice to have a car when I go home; but I've committed to two years here and I'm not sure if paying to keep it sitting there (as small as the fee is for insurance) is wise when the money of selling it could go towards my rent next year. I also feel like, once my truck is gone, that's it, I don't have anything else in case of emergency. Don't get me wrong- I am absolutely aware of Who controls my emergencies. I am more confident than ever that He is in control. This truck quite literally was His gift to me- even now I am honestly not sure this is the course of action He would have me take. It might not be wise to sell it. I'm praying... I just ask that you pray, too. I value your prayers so very much. I cannot express my gratitude.
Okay, that's it... just one quickie funny for kicks before signing off. On Campus we are literally every nation. So one day I was walking and this big hunk of a kid was walking right along side me at the same time... I heard him say something so we just kinda started talking. I asked where he was from and he replied, "Ireland." "Ireland? Good Lord-" I replied in my best Irish brogue. (Sorry, I apologize to those who believe saying 'Lord' is wrong) "Isn't it something there!" His eye brows went up like he couldn't believe I just did that... and I just addressed it. "So was it awful? Just tell me, man, did it suck or was it okay?" His face had told me all I needed to know but he kindly said, "It was okay." "Nooooooo, it wasn't!" I said and we laughed together. "It sucked, huh!!!" Anyway-
now when I see him around campus I shout, "Ireland!" and we wave. It's so funny. He came by our fundraising table last week and I got him to do a California accent. It was great. My roommates, who now love the story, are ever asking me to do my Irish accent! hahahahahaha.
Love you guys, peace out! or should I say, "May the good Lord bless you and keep in the mighty palm of His hand." (In Irish, of course.)
We are down to just 4 weeks left of this course and 9 books of the Bible left. It is crunch time and we all feel it. We are struggling for the end game motivation. The books are so jam packed with good stuff and it's all we can do to take it all in! I will miss these people so much. It's so strange to think of the beginning and how we barely knew each other. We have grown so close. What will I do without my Asian roommates cooking?!! (Just kidding, it's so much more than that-) Living on this mountain has gotten my legs in better shape than they have been in years and my cardio is kickin'!! :)
I will be home (God willing) for 8 weeks this summer. I have so much to do but I am confident God will allow for down time as well. I think I might sleep for a week when I get home! Actually- I know I won't- I'm already anxious about all that needs to be accomplished and NOT having homework every single day will probably drive me nuts as I transition. I won't know what to do with myself so accomplishing all I need to will be a good thing! I am going to have a yard sale and earn some money that way- I really hate yard sales- but hey, do what you have to do, right? We are to 'be ready to do every good work' (Titus 3:1). I will also be preparing for and ultimately teaching a few four hour seminars on the method of studying the bible I have learned here. A couple of you have asked me about that and I promise as soon as I nail down the dates I will let you know. It will probably be early July before I know. I appreciate your interest! I am excited (and nervous) to share with you!!! Please pray for me in this way.
I will also be going to Southern California shortly after arriving home. I am going to visit a girlfriend in LA and then my precious "Other Parents" in Palm Desert for retreat. What an amazing gift it will be to see and spend time with people I love. Can't wait.
Please pray for me- I am praying about selling my Truck. If you know me- you know the dagger this is. It is literally my last asset. It's paid for and a great little truck. Low mileage, dependable... I seriously thought I would have it forever- or until I drove it into the ground, you know what I mean!! It's not worth THAT much- but to me it's very valuable. It is my 'miracle truck.' The way God gave it to me is a miracle story. I know we aren't supposed to be attached to 'things' but I have given up everything to be here and the thought of that last thing- my truck- just for the sake of money just kills me. It doesn't cost me that much to keep it sitting at my mom's- and it is soooo nice to have a car when I go home; but I've committed to two years here and I'm not sure if paying to keep it sitting there (as small as the fee is for insurance) is wise when the money of selling it could go towards my rent next year. I also feel like, once my truck is gone, that's it, I don't have anything else in case of emergency. Don't get me wrong- I am absolutely aware of Who controls my emergencies. I am more confident than ever that He is in control. This truck quite literally was His gift to me- even now I am honestly not sure this is the course of action He would have me take. It might not be wise to sell it. I'm praying... I just ask that you pray, too. I value your prayers so very much. I cannot express my gratitude.
Okay, that's it... just one quickie funny for kicks before signing off. On Campus we are literally every nation. So one day I was walking and this big hunk of a kid was walking right along side me at the same time... I heard him say something so we just kinda started talking. I asked where he was from and he replied, "Ireland." "Ireland? Good Lord-" I replied in my best Irish brogue. (Sorry, I apologize to those who believe saying 'Lord' is wrong) "Isn't it something there!" His eye brows went up like he couldn't believe I just did that... and I just addressed it. "So was it awful? Just tell me, man, did it suck or was it okay?" His face had told me all I needed to know but he kindly said, "It was okay." "Nooooooo, it wasn't!" I said and we laughed together. "It sucked, huh!!!" Anyway-
now when I see him around campus I shout, "Ireland!" and we wave. It's so funny. He came by our fundraising table last week and I got him to do a California accent. It was great. My roommates, who now love the story, are ever asking me to do my Irish accent! hahahahahaha.
Love you guys, peace out! or should I say, "May the good Lord bless you and keep in the mighty palm of His hand." (In Irish, of course.)
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Miracles...
Well I have managed to do it again. I have let entirely too much time go by between blogs and then there is SO MUCH to tell! Problem is- I can't remember it all!!!
What I can remember is to Glorify the One who has done much and just keeps doing much in my life.
My school fees were past due and my name was on the list on the board of those who owe. I know it sounds brutal but if you don't have the money they literally will send you home. This is a big campus and far too many times they have been taken advantage of by those who say they will pay later and never do- it's a tight ship and they are striving to be good stewards. That said- they are only humans and sometimes things are not handled as well as they could be but again... grace, grace. So I needed $871. in two days or I had to go to a meeting explaining what I was going to do immediately to get it. I had, of course, no idea. I had done one fund raiser, watched my accounts dwindle, seen one miracle regarding my phone bill, and gotten a letter from the IRS saying 'we aren't giving you your money'- so- I was concerned, but had laid it at His feet. I said, "Look, Lord... I trust You. I know I am in the middle of Your will for me. I know I am right where you want me, so, this can only come through You." I placed a sincere prayer request on facebook and our class had a time of prayer for the fees still needed. My classmates alone gave me $345. I was so humbled. These are people who don't have much, either!!! Then by the love of friends and family by the request on facebook as well as a deposit into my account by a brother who had no idea any of this was going on...dollar by dollar it was paid in full with a bit left over!!! (which will go towards my next quarter in the fall) I WAS BLOWN AWAY. In two days!! It is so humbling to rely on others. It shouldn't be when I read the scriptures of how even Paul was supported as he spread the gospel. Why should it be any different now? That is what I am preparing to do! But when you come from such a staunch work mentality it is difficult. It just is. Pride- it will get you every time. (He also paid my Indonesian room mates fees of $976. in three days and my Indian room mates ticket for outreach of $1300. in 5 days... He's on a roll!)
Needless to say God is teaching me so much about giving and receiving. I have no problems giving- that is by far easier for me than receiving- but God is wanting me to have a healthy perspective regarding how I work and what I work for- what I earn and what is by grace. Huge lessons. I have said for years, 'you can't out give God' but it is so true. On the last day of our 2nd Corinthians assignment I was praying before rushing into Philippians. I was praying, "Lord, let me not forget what you have spoken to me- let me not rush into this next book and leave behind how you are teaching me to 'give it away' and not worry about money.'
Let me back up. For my fundraiser my precious, Indian room mate- Octoli- had given me, yes given me- some henna ink and bindhi's that she had done a fundraiser with. They were left over and she gave them to me to do my own fundraiser. I did. Praise God it brought $125. I had a gal I know come up to me weeks later and ask how much I had left of the henna because her friend wanted to buy it from me to do her own fundraiser- only actually doing the henna tattoos for people as opposed to just selling the ink itself. I was thrilled! That could go towards my school fees. The gal never contacted me and when I asked my friend why- she said the gal couldn't afford it right now. I thought, 'oh, well I can't count on that money.'
The night I was praying not to forget what God had been speaking to me was at a worship service. As I prayed, 'Let me not forget to give it away...' my eyes fell on my friend who had approached me regarding the henna. "As freely as it has been given to you- give it away." I heard. My school fees were now paid- there was no reason for me to hoard the henna for myself- it had been a free gift to me. At first I thought, I should first speak to my friend who had given me the gift but the Lord said, 'No. She gave it to you. It's yours.' So.. I went to my friend. I said, "Tell your friend I'm going to give it to her." I cannot tell you the feeling it gave me.
If we hold things loosely- God can use them. If we cling to things and hold our grip firm around them they cannot be used. God has provided every thing we have needed. Not wanted- needed. And He has been pretty stinkin' generous with the wants, too! I am so blown away. It's hard to learn to flow in this way, but I am excited to get good at it. To not freak out when my bank accounts get to $.11. Yeah, cents. But to know, that somehow, someway- He will make a way for what needs to happen. I have a part, I have a role to play. Sometimes I will have to do more than other times. Not comfortable always...like asking... ugh, hate it. But He knows what and when things are required. I am headed home (for 8 weeks) in just 6 weeks for selling stuff to earn money and teach what I have been learning- I'm not sure how I am going to get there yet; but God does. I check flights and wonder what will happen when I find the right one, hehe.
I pray when I get home each of you will consider coming out to one of the seminars I will be teaching. I will give the places and times. It will only be a 4 hour class and cost $20.
Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!!! Hallelujah
What I can remember is to Glorify the One who has done much and just keeps doing much in my life.
My school fees were past due and my name was on the list on the board of those who owe. I know it sounds brutal but if you don't have the money they literally will send you home. This is a big campus and far too many times they have been taken advantage of by those who say they will pay later and never do- it's a tight ship and they are striving to be good stewards. That said- they are only humans and sometimes things are not handled as well as they could be but again... grace, grace. So I needed $871. in two days or I had to go to a meeting explaining what I was going to do immediately to get it. I had, of course, no idea. I had done one fund raiser, watched my accounts dwindle, seen one miracle regarding my phone bill, and gotten a letter from the IRS saying 'we aren't giving you your money'- so- I was concerned, but had laid it at His feet. I said, "Look, Lord... I trust You. I know I am in the middle of Your will for me. I know I am right where you want me, so, this can only come through You." I placed a sincere prayer request on facebook and our class had a time of prayer for the fees still needed. My classmates alone gave me $345. I was so humbled. These are people who don't have much, either!!! Then by the love of friends and family by the request on facebook as well as a deposit into my account by a brother who had no idea any of this was going on...dollar by dollar it was paid in full with a bit left over!!! (which will go towards my next quarter in the fall) I WAS BLOWN AWAY. In two days!! It is so humbling to rely on others. It shouldn't be when I read the scriptures of how even Paul was supported as he spread the gospel. Why should it be any different now? That is what I am preparing to do! But when you come from such a staunch work mentality it is difficult. It just is. Pride- it will get you every time. (He also paid my Indonesian room mates fees of $976. in three days and my Indian room mates ticket for outreach of $1300. in 5 days... He's on a roll!)
Needless to say God is teaching me so much about giving and receiving. I have no problems giving- that is by far easier for me than receiving- but God is wanting me to have a healthy perspective regarding how I work and what I work for- what I earn and what is by grace. Huge lessons. I have said for years, 'you can't out give God' but it is so true. On the last day of our 2nd Corinthians assignment I was praying before rushing into Philippians. I was praying, "Lord, let me not forget what you have spoken to me- let me not rush into this next book and leave behind how you are teaching me to 'give it away' and not worry about money.'
Let me back up. For my fundraiser my precious, Indian room mate- Octoli- had given me, yes given me- some henna ink and bindhi's that she had done a fundraiser with. They were left over and she gave them to me to do my own fundraiser. I did. Praise God it brought $125. I had a gal I know come up to me weeks later and ask how much I had left of the henna because her friend wanted to buy it from me to do her own fundraiser- only actually doing the henna tattoos for people as opposed to just selling the ink itself. I was thrilled! That could go towards my school fees. The gal never contacted me and when I asked my friend why- she said the gal couldn't afford it right now. I thought, 'oh, well I can't count on that money.'
The night I was praying not to forget what God had been speaking to me was at a worship service. As I prayed, 'Let me not forget to give it away...' my eyes fell on my friend who had approached me regarding the henna. "As freely as it has been given to you- give it away." I heard. My school fees were now paid- there was no reason for me to hoard the henna for myself- it had been a free gift to me. At first I thought, I should first speak to my friend who had given me the gift but the Lord said, 'No. She gave it to you. It's yours.' So.. I went to my friend. I said, "Tell your friend I'm going to give it to her." I cannot tell you the feeling it gave me.
If we hold things loosely- God can use them. If we cling to things and hold our grip firm around them they cannot be used. God has provided every thing we have needed. Not wanted- needed. And He has been pretty stinkin' generous with the wants, too! I am so blown away. It's hard to learn to flow in this way, but I am excited to get good at it. To not freak out when my bank accounts get to $.11. Yeah, cents. But to know, that somehow, someway- He will make a way for what needs to happen. I have a part, I have a role to play. Sometimes I will have to do more than other times. Not comfortable always...like asking... ugh, hate it. But He knows what and when things are required. I am headed home (for 8 weeks) in just 6 weeks for selling stuff to earn money and teach what I have been learning- I'm not sure how I am going to get there yet; but God does. I check flights and wonder what will happen when I find the right one, hehe.
I pray when I get home each of you will consider coming out to one of the seminars I will be teaching. I will give the places and times. It will only be a 4 hour class and cost $20.
Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!!! Hallelujah
Sunday, April 21, 2013
I am so, so grateful.
So much for posting every couple of weeks, eh?!
I see it's been almost a month since I reported that "I have a plan!" I praise God for it as it gives me direction, although now my brain is hard at work formulating a plan to get me to that plan, hehe. You know, the details. Let's be honest- the money, living arrangements, yard sale, fundraising, and teaching I have to do... good night! Remember when I waited until the last paragraph to bring up money? Blah ha ha! Desperation changes things.
I have a miracle that I want to share, tho...
Okay, so I got out of my cell phone contract because it was too much money a month and switched to a different carrier. (I could do a plug here for my new carrier, but some other time!) So getting out of my contract cost me $100. which was still so much better than paying the high fee each month- so I got out and they sent me a bill about 6 weeks later. It was for the $100. and a pro-rated bill that came to $58. So my bill was $158.70. Now I had an automatic withdraw set up for my phone payment each month- but this final bill came to me in paper. I was glad, because I didn't have the money and wanted to call and ask if I could make payments which I had heard you could. I had that bill sitting on my bed for like 4 or 5 days 'meaning' to call them. Finally one morning I knew I had better check the status of my bank account because of something else that may be coming out soon- I have a couple other small auto payments that come out- like the $3. for my website each month, $1.50 from the bank to use an ATM card, and $13. for my truck in California (which I am beyond regrettably praying about selling) So, knowing that I had $29. in my checking account I thought I'd better keep a close eye! When I logged on I saw the $158.70 debited from my account!! I gasped! But my account wasn't negative. Then I saw $158.79 deposit on the same day... Whaaaaat? I thought, "Did T-Mobile debit and then credit the amount right back?" You know how sometimes you go to a restaurant or something and they do that sort of thing...who knows why... but no... it said "Deposit" and I could click to see the ticket. I clicked to see the deposit but it was just a slip- no names on it, no information at all... Then I realized that the deposit amount was .09 cents more than the withdraw. Whaaaaat? I know this sounds nuts...but I totally dig the gal that works at the bank. She really helped me with my accounts before I moved here and was genuinely a treasure used by God the day before I left town. So... I was thinking... who else would have access to my accounts?? Did she see that I was about to go negative and help me out? She knows I'm a missionary- did she like- give me money?! I just had no idea how the exact amount I needed could have been deposited... well several hours later I was able to connect with my mother and low and behold! This miracle was explained...
My brother lives in our childhood home- my mothers residence in the states. He had overpaid the property taxes- so they refunded him, but in a check addressed to my mother. A second and even third check came to that address- again, one with my mothers name on it and a small one to me. My brother took those checks to the bank and directly deposited them into the account ON THE SAME DAY that T-Mobile charged me. It was THE EXACT AMOUNT (plus .09 cents) that was needed! So God gave me EXACTLY what was needed EXACTLY when I needed it. My account did not go negative or get dinged a charge, my bill was paid, and He AGAIN was showing me that HE IS FAITHFUL. He has me. Even with so little in my accounts, even with being in debt for my school fees, He has me. He has WHAT I NEED, WHEN I NEED IT. HE IS SUPER AMAZING AND BEYOND COOL!!! I am humbled to be His servant and tho it cost me sacrifices of my most treasured possessions (my animals and now maybe my truck), the stress and labor, it is SO SO SO SO SO WORTH IT. I cannot wait to see how He works over these next couple of years. It is an emotional road but- hey- it's His road. I am grateful. I am so, so grateful.
I see it's been almost a month since I reported that "I have a plan!" I praise God for it as it gives me direction, although now my brain is hard at work formulating a plan to get me to that plan, hehe. You know, the details. Let's be honest- the money, living arrangements, yard sale, fundraising, and teaching I have to do... good night! Remember when I waited until the last paragraph to bring up money? Blah ha ha! Desperation changes things.
I have a miracle that I want to share, tho...
Okay, so I got out of my cell phone contract because it was too much money a month and switched to a different carrier. (I could do a plug here for my new carrier, but some other time!) So getting out of my contract cost me $100. which was still so much better than paying the high fee each month- so I got out and they sent me a bill about 6 weeks later. It was for the $100. and a pro-rated bill that came to $58. So my bill was $158.70. Now I had an automatic withdraw set up for my phone payment each month- but this final bill came to me in paper. I was glad, because I didn't have the money and wanted to call and ask if I could make payments which I had heard you could. I had that bill sitting on my bed for like 4 or 5 days 'meaning' to call them. Finally one morning I knew I had better check the status of my bank account because of something else that may be coming out soon- I have a couple other small auto payments that come out- like the $3. for my website each month, $1.50 from the bank to use an ATM card, and $13. for my truck in California (which I am beyond regrettably praying about selling) So, knowing that I had $29. in my checking account I thought I'd better keep a close eye! When I logged on I saw the $158.70 debited from my account!! I gasped! But my account wasn't negative. Then I saw $158.79 deposit on the same day... Whaaaaat? I thought, "Did T-Mobile debit and then credit the amount right back?" You know how sometimes you go to a restaurant or something and they do that sort of thing...who knows why... but no... it said "Deposit" and I could click to see the ticket. I clicked to see the deposit but it was just a slip- no names on it, no information at all... Then I realized that the deposit amount was .09 cents more than the withdraw. Whaaaaat? I know this sounds nuts...but I totally dig the gal that works at the bank. She really helped me with my accounts before I moved here and was genuinely a treasure used by God the day before I left town. So... I was thinking... who else would have access to my accounts?? Did she see that I was about to go negative and help me out? She knows I'm a missionary- did she like- give me money?! I just had no idea how the exact amount I needed could have been deposited... well several hours later I was able to connect with my mother and low and behold! This miracle was explained...
My brother lives in our childhood home- my mothers residence in the states. He had overpaid the property taxes- so they refunded him, but in a check addressed to my mother. A second and even third check came to that address- again, one with my mothers name on it and a small one to me. My brother took those checks to the bank and directly deposited them into the account ON THE SAME DAY that T-Mobile charged me. It was THE EXACT AMOUNT (plus .09 cents) that was needed! So God gave me EXACTLY what was needed EXACTLY when I needed it. My account did not go negative or get dinged a charge, my bill was paid, and He AGAIN was showing me that HE IS FAITHFUL. He has me. Even with so little in my accounts, even with being in debt for my school fees, He has me. He has WHAT I NEED, WHEN I NEED IT. HE IS SUPER AMAZING AND BEYOND COOL!!! I am humbled to be His servant and tho it cost me sacrifices of my most treasured possessions (my animals and now maybe my truck), the stress and labor, it is SO SO SO SO SO WORTH IT. I cannot wait to see how He works over these next couple of years. It is an emotional road but- hey- it's His road. I am grateful. I am so, so grateful.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I have a plan!!
I wonder how many blogs start with, 'Where do I begin?'
I know I have mentioned how God was completely silent regarding my steps after SBS (school of biblical studies). I knew it was because it was going to be something more than I would accept and that when He was ready He would reveal the path for me. Well, He has. (Insert loud 'tah dah' music here.)
If you are one of those who received my first letter regarding coming to school and returning to YWAM it read something along the lines of the fact that I was coming to school to be a counselor and get equipped in order to do so. Well, isn't it always interesting the way God fulfills His purposes for us in ways we would have NEVER imagined? There is so much to say I don't know how to fit it all in, but to spare you all of the details and step by step plays of exactly what happened lets just say that the plan I came with that he 'lovingly asked me to set aside and trust Him' is, after all... NOT the plan....exactly. It's the plan that got me here, and how many times has God done that? Spoken something to get me to walk in a certain direction and then changed the direction. Plenty, I can tell you that. He knows what it's going to take to get me where He wants me.
So- short version- I came here with the plan of getting a degree in biblical counseling from YWAM. It would be costly, unaccredited, but steps towards how I know God uses me. He asked me to set that aside but did not remove His word of calling me 'one who counsels.'
One day in class they introduced a plan that would allow you to go directly into a master's program with a theological seminary. If you 'staffed' for two years (remained with the school as a staff member) after taking an SBS this seminary would allow you to go straight into their masters program because they have seen the benefits this course produces in students who come to them. This got me thinking- wow, what an opportunity. I sent away for information from the school and started dreaming accredited could be possible.
Let me back up for just a moment... I have always been a manual laborer. I have been proud to be a very hard worker and blessed to be able to do so. Growing up we didn't have a lot of money and neither of my parents went to college. We just all...worked really hard. So I remember never believing that college was an option for me. I wasn't super smart- quite average, really, even tho I did have a couple advance courses in school. So I never thought that scholarships were an option nor did I know how to go about getting one. Even in my adult years when people would say, 'you're still young...you could do it.' I thought, "Noooo." I didn't believe it. Starting to think 'accredited degree' is BIG THINKING, folks. But it is only now, at 41, that I believe I really CAN do anything I want- AND I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
Now!... Thinking along these lines and being open to an accredited education I had a divine appointment with the friend of one of our guest teachers. Brilliant men. He told me of an online opportunity that would allow for an accredited degree for a LOT less money than attending a regular university or seminary. I checked it out. I prayed. I sought four spiritual advisers. They prayed. Unanimously it came back to go for accredited. I knew the direction God was leading me- I just wanted confirmation because I KNOW God will not contradict Himself. SO! Again, short version... I have just completed and turned in my application to be a staff with the school of biblical studies for two years. If accepted, I will pour into students who are coming and struggling to learn all that I have been blessed to be learning. I will counsel them in 'one on ones', grade their work, teach...oh, Lord have mercy, and basically get to sit through this entire course again without the pressure of homework!! HALLELUJAH, can I get an Amen?!!! My commitment will be for an initial two years, the first learning the ropes and pouring out and the second I will begin my online education to attain an accredited degree in psychology/counseling.
He's right. I would have never accepted that sooner, hahahahah.
I am excited and nervous.
I will come home for some time during the summer and raise some support. I am going to have a major garage sale and let go of things I need not hold on to anymore. I will teach (God willing 3 times) a 4 hour seminar of the Inductive Bible Study Method that I have learned here. This will allow others a taste of the method and hopefully give them opportunity to decide if they would like to pour into what we do here. I am eager to share all I've learned...well... not ALL of what I've learned... 4 hours isn't 9 months! Ha, but... the concept and results. It's an education that costs $12,000. and I will be doing the seminar for a very small fee to raise funds for next year as well.
That's it, boys and girls. I HAVE A PLAN!! HALLELUJAH I HAVE A PLAN!!! :)
I know I have mentioned how God was completely silent regarding my steps after SBS (school of biblical studies). I knew it was because it was going to be something more than I would accept and that when He was ready He would reveal the path for me. Well, He has. (Insert loud 'tah dah' music here.)
If you are one of those who received my first letter regarding coming to school and returning to YWAM it read something along the lines of the fact that I was coming to school to be a counselor and get equipped in order to do so. Well, isn't it always interesting the way God fulfills His purposes for us in ways we would have NEVER imagined? There is so much to say I don't know how to fit it all in, but to spare you all of the details and step by step plays of exactly what happened lets just say that the plan I came with that he 'lovingly asked me to set aside and trust Him' is, after all... NOT the plan....exactly. It's the plan that got me here, and how many times has God done that? Spoken something to get me to walk in a certain direction and then changed the direction. Plenty, I can tell you that. He knows what it's going to take to get me where He wants me.
So- short version- I came here with the plan of getting a degree in biblical counseling from YWAM. It would be costly, unaccredited, but steps towards how I know God uses me. He asked me to set that aside but did not remove His word of calling me 'one who counsels.'
One day in class they introduced a plan that would allow you to go directly into a master's program with a theological seminary. If you 'staffed' for two years (remained with the school as a staff member) after taking an SBS this seminary would allow you to go straight into their masters program because they have seen the benefits this course produces in students who come to them. This got me thinking- wow, what an opportunity. I sent away for information from the school and started dreaming accredited could be possible.
Let me back up for just a moment... I have always been a manual laborer. I have been proud to be a very hard worker and blessed to be able to do so. Growing up we didn't have a lot of money and neither of my parents went to college. We just all...worked really hard. So I remember never believing that college was an option for me. I wasn't super smart- quite average, really, even tho I did have a couple advance courses in school. So I never thought that scholarships were an option nor did I know how to go about getting one. Even in my adult years when people would say, 'you're still young...you could do it.' I thought, "Noooo." I didn't believe it. Starting to think 'accredited degree' is BIG THINKING, folks. But it is only now, at 41, that I believe I really CAN do anything I want- AND I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
Now!... Thinking along these lines and being open to an accredited education I had a divine appointment with the friend of one of our guest teachers. Brilliant men. He told me of an online opportunity that would allow for an accredited degree for a LOT less money than attending a regular university or seminary. I checked it out. I prayed. I sought four spiritual advisers. They prayed. Unanimously it came back to go for accredited. I knew the direction God was leading me- I just wanted confirmation because I KNOW God will not contradict Himself. SO! Again, short version... I have just completed and turned in my application to be a staff with the school of biblical studies for two years. If accepted, I will pour into students who are coming and struggling to learn all that I have been blessed to be learning. I will counsel them in 'one on ones', grade their work, teach...oh, Lord have mercy, and basically get to sit through this entire course again without the pressure of homework!! HALLELUJAH, can I get an Amen?!!! My commitment will be for an initial two years, the first learning the ropes and pouring out and the second I will begin my online education to attain an accredited degree in psychology/counseling.
He's right. I would have never accepted that sooner, hahahahah.
I am excited and nervous.
I will come home for some time during the summer and raise some support. I am going to have a major garage sale and let go of things I need not hold on to anymore. I will teach (God willing 3 times) a 4 hour seminar of the Inductive Bible Study Method that I have learned here. This will allow others a taste of the method and hopefully give them opportunity to decide if they would like to pour into what we do here. I am eager to share all I've learned...well... not ALL of what I've learned... 4 hours isn't 9 months! Ha, but... the concept and results. It's an education that costs $12,000. and I will be doing the seminar for a very small fee to raise funds for next year as well.
That's it, boys and girls. I HAVE A PLAN!! HALLELUJAH I HAVE A PLAN!!! :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
Those days are gone.
Oops!! Sorry it's been so long!! It's a bit crazy after all...
Just an encouragement to let you know that God is speaking, even if it isn't always what I want to hear. Yesterday I was doing my laundry- the laundry room is attached to a classroom because YWAM will put a classroom anywhere, hehe... so for 10 minutes as I folded my laundry I could hear the speaker talking and it blessed me more than my own work! He was saying, "So... why doesn't God speak audibly? Anyone? Why doesn't God speak out loud so we can hear him?" I was like, 'oh this is going to be good.' So there were a couple answers I couldn't really hear, then he says. "We don't know. We don't really know why God doesn't speak audibly but here is my take on it..." Now you need to know that for the last months I have been begging God to speak to me regarding what to "do" next. Which course, outreach, staff, online education...begging. He has been silent on this matter. Absolutely silent... it's driving me crazy. I am like, GOD!! Just tell me what to do and I will do it!!! Tell me where to go and I will go!! So this speaker says, "If I could hear God... He'd be like, 'Kenny- this is what I want you to do.' and I'd be like, 'Yes, Sir.' and I'd do it. 'Kenny- this is where I want you to go.' and I'd be like, 'Yes, Sir.' and I'd go. But God doesn't want Robots. God doesn't want people He can just order around...God wants relationship...and if I can't hear Him audibly it forces me to seek Him. It forces me to be intentional and sit still spending time with Him." I was like. Grrrr. I get it.
You would think that because I quit my job, sacrificed my animals, and came to study the word of God that I am just hanging out with God all day every day and how wonderful that must be!! But truthfully- it's not like that at all. I mean- I talk to God all the time... but my 'quiet time'... well... I don't really get any. Remember that last quarter I had 5 roommates, well this quarter we have a common area with our other female classmates which is awesome, except now technically I have 11 roommates- kinda. Finding somewhere on this campus to be 'quiet' is noooooot really something I have found. Some nights I get in bed and have to apologize to God for how little He heard from me that day. I hate it. I miss Him in some ways. I do feel Him more in the work than I used to- but not as thoroughly as I hope to.
So today we were in the book of Ezra and I got sideswiped. I am debating giving you the long or short version...I have this thing against blog entries that are too long...let's just say it got to the end where they 'send' their wives and children away- and I got really, really angry. When the teacher asked if there were any questions I raised my hand and started to process but she could tell where I was going- so she asked me to wait because she was headed there. I did, but by the time she came back to me to see if she had answered my question I was so twisted I knew I couldn't speak with out being ugly and crying. So I just didn't. I couldn't get out of class fast enough. As I walked up the stairs to lunch I had a wave of anxiety flood me and I thought, 'oh, I can't even go to lunch.' It was all I could do to hold it together long enough to get back to my room, drop the sheet around my bunk (that blocks out the room) and lose it. Completely. "What is wrong with me??!!!" I start having it out, processing with God-praying none of my roommates walk in because I don't want to explain or for them to hear me. I realized I had to get out of here- so- I blew off my homework and headed to find a place where I could be alone and talk out loud with God. So, so hard to do here. I have just NOT found this place.
Long story short... I spent the entire afternoon with my Lord. How I love to do that- Sunday mornings are the only time I can find to do it normally. It is like Gold. It took 3 whole hours just to wind down and get to a quiet spirit. I felt like I have forgotten how to have a silence and solitude which is what I REALLY need. Days of just Him and me... hearing what He says so clearly...so tuned in. I was finally hearing Him, seeing Him, finally. My issues today all go back to abandonment. They sent their wives and children away and it just tapped into the perceived rejection of my father; the Hebrews leaving those children fatherless pissed me off. And then of the men in my past. Men who said they would be something in covenant- and weren't. I wanted those Hebrews to grow a pair and say, "Hey- you married a Hebrew- and in THIS house, we serve YHWH." I wanted that in my own house. Funny what will rip open a wound. Or wounds.
I have been dreaming every single night of being back in the grocery business. Finally yesterday morning in that in between state where I hear God so clearly I asked Him why I keep dreaming of grocery? He answered, "Because it was a time when you knew what you were doing- and you were confident in it." Ah. Yes. Perfect sense. Those days are gone.
Just an encouragement to let you know that God is speaking, even if it isn't always what I want to hear. Yesterday I was doing my laundry- the laundry room is attached to a classroom because YWAM will put a classroom anywhere, hehe... so for 10 minutes as I folded my laundry I could hear the speaker talking and it blessed me more than my own work! He was saying, "So... why doesn't God speak audibly? Anyone? Why doesn't God speak out loud so we can hear him?" I was like, 'oh this is going to be good.' So there were a couple answers I couldn't really hear, then he says. "We don't know. We don't really know why God doesn't speak audibly but here is my take on it..." Now you need to know that for the last months I have been begging God to speak to me regarding what to "do" next. Which course, outreach, staff, online education...begging. He has been silent on this matter. Absolutely silent... it's driving me crazy. I am like, GOD!! Just tell me what to do and I will do it!!! Tell me where to go and I will go!! So this speaker says, "If I could hear God... He'd be like, 'Kenny- this is what I want you to do.' and I'd be like, 'Yes, Sir.' and I'd do it. 'Kenny- this is where I want you to go.' and I'd be like, 'Yes, Sir.' and I'd go. But God doesn't want Robots. God doesn't want people He can just order around...God wants relationship...and if I can't hear Him audibly it forces me to seek Him. It forces me to be intentional and sit still spending time with Him." I was like. Grrrr. I get it.
You would think that because I quit my job, sacrificed my animals, and came to study the word of God that I am just hanging out with God all day every day and how wonderful that must be!! But truthfully- it's not like that at all. I mean- I talk to God all the time... but my 'quiet time'... well... I don't really get any. Remember that last quarter I had 5 roommates, well this quarter we have a common area with our other female classmates which is awesome, except now technically I have 11 roommates- kinda. Finding somewhere on this campus to be 'quiet' is noooooot really something I have found. Some nights I get in bed and have to apologize to God for how little He heard from me that day. I hate it. I miss Him in some ways. I do feel Him more in the work than I used to- but not as thoroughly as I hope to.
So today we were in the book of Ezra and I got sideswiped. I am debating giving you the long or short version...I have this thing against blog entries that are too long...let's just say it got to the end where they 'send' their wives and children away- and I got really, really angry. When the teacher asked if there were any questions I raised my hand and started to process but she could tell where I was going- so she asked me to wait because she was headed there. I did, but by the time she came back to me to see if she had answered my question I was so twisted I knew I couldn't speak with out being ugly and crying. So I just didn't. I couldn't get out of class fast enough. As I walked up the stairs to lunch I had a wave of anxiety flood me and I thought, 'oh, I can't even go to lunch.' It was all I could do to hold it together long enough to get back to my room, drop the sheet around my bunk (that blocks out the room) and lose it. Completely. "What is wrong with me??!!!" I start having it out, processing with God-praying none of my roommates walk in because I don't want to explain or for them to hear me. I realized I had to get out of here- so- I blew off my homework and headed to find a place where I could be alone and talk out loud with God. So, so hard to do here. I have just NOT found this place.
Long story short... I spent the entire afternoon with my Lord. How I love to do that- Sunday mornings are the only time I can find to do it normally. It is like Gold. It took 3 whole hours just to wind down and get to a quiet spirit. I felt like I have forgotten how to have a silence and solitude which is what I REALLY need. Days of just Him and me... hearing what He says so clearly...so tuned in. I was finally hearing Him, seeing Him, finally. My issues today all go back to abandonment. They sent their wives and children away and it just tapped into the perceived rejection of my father; the Hebrews leaving those children fatherless pissed me off. And then of the men in my past. Men who said they would be something in covenant- and weren't. I wanted those Hebrews to grow a pair and say, "Hey- you married a Hebrew- and in THIS house, we serve YHWH." I wanted that in my own house. Funny what will rip open a wound. Or wounds.
I have been dreaming every single night of being back in the grocery business. Finally yesterday morning in that in between state where I hear God so clearly I asked Him why I keep dreaming of grocery? He answered, "Because it was a time when you knew what you were doing- and you were confident in it." Ah. Yes. Perfect sense. Those days are gone.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Do you not know, O barren woman?
Well,
I apologize for leaving things so messy... as far as an update I could not be
more grateful to say that my Pastor is a prayer WARRIOR and has prayed a
covering over me that is battling MUCH in the spiritual realm. My sanity
has been so opposed, depression...it's not just me, either. Several of us
have expressed depressing attacks and things have been falling apart- computers
failing, money running out, spiritual warfare. I know this just sounds
like life- but on top of our work load it has been a real test.
I am grateful to say that I was
blessed to get my computer saved (I got a virus and it shut down completely)
for a fee, but my life was on it, so I could not be more grateful. Thank
God for birthday money I had not spent since October and a bit more! Also,
I just want to give a sincere shout out to a woman that has been a prayer
warrior for me for years now, and I have never even met her face to face.
Peggy Bender blessed me with a special gift and her love which I could
not be more touched or blessed by. xoxo
I want to share something very
personal. I want to share how God is speaking, even though things have
been challenging. I keep asking Him what the next step is, what the plan
is... He just WILL NOT tell me. It's painful for a control freak, hehe.
But a week ago we were working on the big book of Isaiah and everyone was
just maxed out. God has given me Isaiah 54 a few times in my life, over
several years... it is the one about, "Do you not know, O barren woman,
that your children will be more than those of the woman with a husband.
Expand your tent- spread them wide- for your children will possess
Nations." It speaks of the wife who has lost her husband and been
rejected. About how she will not suffer the shame of her youth... It is a
powerful, powerful chapter. One night, exhausted, I was working on my
homework and I got a facebook message from a dear girlfriend of mine. We
worked together at Bethany Christian Services but she was in Redding so I
didn't get to see her often, but what a dear sister. She messaged me and
said, "Leah, I am sitting here crying…and God has asked me to say
something to you…and the freakiest thing happened…I typed it all out and then
my message was lost…literally. So here
it goes again…
You
asked God to be a Mother of One…
And
He is making you into a Mother of Nations…
And
like Sarah, wife of Abraham, your life will be a testimony to those that are
called on to wait…
And
while you wait know that He is there loving you intimately… longing to heal you…and
fulfill your dreams. He loves you so
much. Hold on.
Now
the thing is… she knew me through my last miscarriage and the pain of that
whole experience. The anger I
experienced and how long it took to recover.
She has seen me wait…and wait…and wait for different things, like the
health of my marriage, the IRS fiasco, and such. When I read it, I cried instantly. It was so intimate- so like our God to go
straight for the heart. As I read it, I
was sitting in the room with four Nations who have given me the privilege of
speaking into their lives. I confess I
didn’t like the part about my life being a testimony to those who are called on
to wait!! But I am grateful to be a testimony for Him in any way…and I am grateful,
grateful to have heard from my Daddy.
So
here is Isaiah 54 telling me that my children will possess Nations and a word
sent directly through one of His obedient ones saying that He is making me into
a Mother of Nations. I have also had a
word spoken over me within the last year that ‘my hands would bring healing to
the Nations.’ Well, hello… doesn’t a
mother’s love bring healing? I may not
ever know the love of a child calling me, “Mama” but I definitely will be
blessed to speak into the lives of those He calls me to…and what an honor. What an honor.
I
am still praying about what the next step is…of course. We are doing the prophets right now and can I
just say…ooftah. I don’t get much of it
and they are very dark. But there is
always a message of restoration and I am sure some of it is sinking in. Please pray for us as we press forward. We are getting glimpses of the Messiah and I
am SO looking forward to His coming in Matthew at the end of this quarter…which…scary
is only two months away now. Two months
to raise the 2rd quarter fees, but I cannot think about that now. I recently learned that the IRS will keep my
tax return for the debt that was incurred thru my ex’s fiasco…again…won’t go into
that now. I am grateful for any and all
prayers. Please know that I mean that…please,
continue to pray. I am so blessed by
your prayers. Xoxo
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I am human.
Well, spoiler alert...this will not be my most uplifting blog- so- tune out now if you don't really want to know how I'm doing...
I admit it- today I am depressed. My body has been a bit wiggy this week, but today I actually left class to come back and crash. I can handle a lot- God must think so because He sure allows it to pile up in my life. I'm not sure people realize the level of stress that comes with this course- and if I hear one more person say how 'great' it must be in Hawaii I may spit. Yes, Hawaii is amazing. Yes, it would be wonderful to live here...but I live in a book. I have had about 3 full days in "Hawaii" and they have been FANTASTIC and beyond needed. Praise You, God... seriously. Sometimes, when stress becomes too much- my body decides to shut down on me. I have had some warning signs all week- but today came the anxiety and shaky weak body.
In 2008 I suffered a health crash- I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. The stress in my life at that time was through the roof and my body said, 'enough.' It has taken all of these last-wow- 5 years to build my body back to wellness. I am intentional about what I eat, how active I am, my sleep. I stretch it sometimes like anyone, but for the most part I am truly intentional about wellness. Supplements, diet, you name it. The one thing I am missing here is exercise, but if you saw the campus you'd see I am not completely without that. Natural stair steppers and cardio built in :) Still I think it would be healthy to find a way of working something in. But my point is- when stress becomes too much, my body is easily depleted of what it takes to maintain and... I crash. Yesterday I seriously, without exaggeration had a moment where I thought I might lose my mind. Actually- lose my mind. It was scary. The thing is- you can't just quit. Homework is due at a certain hour and you can't just say- 'okay- I need to be done now.' If you don't complete your assignment it's an automatic D...so... yeah, um. NO. That happened to me once last quarter- it was the biggest assignment we had and I spent days and days- hours on it... I didn't quite finish... I got a D. Ugh. So much work. So my body is rebelling a bit-
I'm worried- I know... we shouldn't worry- but I am worried about money. I am concerned about the IRS taking my refund this year to go towards my ex husbands fiasco- if they do, I will literally have no money of my own anywhere. I took half of my retirement to pay for the first quarter of this school, by God's grace and the hair of my chinny chin chin the second quarter was paid for- shout out to my Mom and Dolpy for bailing the tail end out- Now 3rd quarter is around the corner and IF we are going on outreach- which I will do if the money is there and I won't if it's not- they need an additional $2000. deposit for that by the end of this quarter. Outreach is to teach underground pastors in China how to study the bible. When I asked God if I was supposed to go (this is the only course where outreach is optional) He answered, "Why would I not want you to go?" So... I need to see some serious miracles. I have less than $100. combined my checking and savings accounts. I am looking at ways to reduce my expenses, of course, but some things are just what they are- and it is hard for me to not be "earning." It's in my blood. Ironic. In some ways I am working harder than I ever have...and yet... I am paying them. hehe. Kingdom work is more expensive it seems- but so rewarding when you see the one life touched or changed.
I want to hear clearly from God. I'm all boggled.
I want a plan. I want to know the direction. I'm stressed out and tired. Second quarter is barely under way and Isaiah is next week, LORD HAVE MERCY!! I want someone to come and hold me. I'm tired of being strong and so often getting screwed. My big computer quit working, I pray I don't lose everything on it. I want to punch my ex in the nose because he got me into the IRS fix and he could fix my computer, but I will be dad gummed if I'm going there.
Please don't think I don't know how blessed I am.
I would never have made it here without favor. I have food, a bed, a shower, on Sunday's I get to sit at the ocean with Jesus. I am blessed. But I feel alone. I know I'm not- Jesus is so with me. I know He is sufficient- but He doesn't hold me in the evening. I've never really had a partner. My mom is my partner. Thanks, Mom...but she can't carry it all. She shouldn't have to.
I know you can hear how twisted I am. I can too, and I'm sorry. But I am not going to hide this journey from you. I WILL NOT be false. I am struggling...and next week will be better. I just... don't see how God is going to pull all of this off. I know that HOW is really none of my business- my business is to focus on Him- I'm trying. I'm trying to be content. But money freaks me out and when my body gives in...trouble. I know it's attack- I put on my armor, I pray the prayers. But I'm human.
I admit it- today I am depressed. My body has been a bit wiggy this week, but today I actually left class to come back and crash. I can handle a lot- God must think so because He sure allows it to pile up in my life. I'm not sure people realize the level of stress that comes with this course- and if I hear one more person say how 'great' it must be in Hawaii I may spit. Yes, Hawaii is amazing. Yes, it would be wonderful to live here...but I live in a book. I have had about 3 full days in "Hawaii" and they have been FANTASTIC and beyond needed. Praise You, God... seriously. Sometimes, when stress becomes too much- my body decides to shut down on me. I have had some warning signs all week- but today came the anxiety and shaky weak body.
In 2008 I suffered a health crash- I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. The stress in my life at that time was through the roof and my body said, 'enough.' It has taken all of these last-wow- 5 years to build my body back to wellness. I am intentional about what I eat, how active I am, my sleep. I stretch it sometimes like anyone, but for the most part I am truly intentional about wellness. Supplements, diet, you name it. The one thing I am missing here is exercise, but if you saw the campus you'd see I am not completely without that. Natural stair steppers and cardio built in :) Still I think it would be healthy to find a way of working something in. But my point is- when stress becomes too much, my body is easily depleted of what it takes to maintain and... I crash. Yesterday I seriously, without exaggeration had a moment where I thought I might lose my mind. Actually- lose my mind. It was scary. The thing is- you can't just quit. Homework is due at a certain hour and you can't just say- 'okay- I need to be done now.' If you don't complete your assignment it's an automatic D...so... yeah, um. NO. That happened to me once last quarter- it was the biggest assignment we had and I spent days and days- hours on it... I didn't quite finish... I got a D. Ugh. So much work. So my body is rebelling a bit-
I'm worried- I know... we shouldn't worry- but I am worried about money. I am concerned about the IRS taking my refund this year to go towards my ex husbands fiasco- if they do, I will literally have no money of my own anywhere. I took half of my retirement to pay for the first quarter of this school, by God's grace and the hair of my chinny chin chin the second quarter was paid for- shout out to my Mom and Dolpy for bailing the tail end out- Now 3rd quarter is around the corner and IF we are going on outreach- which I will do if the money is there and I won't if it's not- they need an additional $2000. deposit for that by the end of this quarter. Outreach is to teach underground pastors in China how to study the bible. When I asked God if I was supposed to go (this is the only course where outreach is optional) He answered, "Why would I not want you to go?" So... I need to see some serious miracles. I have less than $100. combined my checking and savings accounts. I am looking at ways to reduce my expenses, of course, but some things are just what they are- and it is hard for me to not be "earning." It's in my blood. Ironic. In some ways I am working harder than I ever have...and yet... I am paying them. hehe. Kingdom work is more expensive it seems- but so rewarding when you see the one life touched or changed.
I want to hear clearly from God. I'm all boggled.
I want a plan. I want to know the direction. I'm stressed out and tired. Second quarter is barely under way and Isaiah is next week, LORD HAVE MERCY!! I want someone to come and hold me. I'm tired of being strong and so often getting screwed. My big computer quit working, I pray I don't lose everything on it. I want to punch my ex in the nose because he got me into the IRS fix and he could fix my computer, but I will be dad gummed if I'm going there.
Please don't think I don't know how blessed I am.
I would never have made it here without favor. I have food, a bed, a shower, on Sunday's I get to sit at the ocean with Jesus. I am blessed. But I feel alone. I know I'm not- Jesus is so with me. I know He is sufficient- but He doesn't hold me in the evening. I've never really had a partner. My mom is my partner. Thanks, Mom...but she can't carry it all. She shouldn't have to.
I know you can hear how twisted I am. I can too, and I'm sorry. But I am not going to hide this journey from you. I WILL NOT be false. I am struggling...and next week will be better. I just... don't see how God is going to pull all of this off. I know that HOW is really none of my business- my business is to focus on Him- I'm trying. I'm trying to be content. But money freaks me out and when my body gives in...trouble. I know it's attack- I put on my armor, I pray the prayers. But I'm human.
Friday, January 11, 2013
2nd quarter begins...
Hey, guys!
Just wanted to try to keep up a bit so a ton of time doesn't go by and then it's a super long blog ;)
What a tough couple of days. I have really been trying to maintain the whole 'content' attitude, but I swear, it's being tested!! Of course, right?
Campus has the highest number of students ever again this quarter and I think they must be 'still learning' how to deal with us all. A couple of times they have run out of food and they'll serve corn dogs or the same thing they served for lunch... When you consider that it's not like we have a ton of food in our rooms to eat it's frustrating. Most of us do keep some food, cup of noodles has become my comfort food... SO BAD. I NEVER ate cup of noodles at home!!! I have taken to boiling eggs just to get 6 grams of protein here and there. Praise you, God- makes you grateful to have food at all, seriously.
We have started the Prophets and it feels like starting completely over. It's a language I do not speak and a way of thinking I do not follow. It's interesting to always think of yourself one way- and then realize when you are challenged that you are not that person at all! I always thought I was pretty easy going... um, no. I am a detail person!!! Oh my gosh.... I cannot let go... I need to get every detail right and that is just not possible. It's not like stocking a shelf, man....it's... so draining. I went to my grader 3 times today for the one paper I was working on. Even in the end she said, "It's decent. It is, but I think you will want to make some changes after doing the next part of your work." Ugh. Now, mind you- this is the sweetest woman... but MAN!! I just was NOT getting it. Needless to say there have already been tears of frustration this quarter... 4 days in. I find myself wanting to escape and that is just not possible. Last quarter I was still living on some of my own money so I went down for a burger sometimes...I have to be so much more careful now. I am down to the lowest amounts I have seen in my accounts in a loooong time and it's...scary. How do I pay for my vitamins, how do I pay for my phone? How will You cover 3rd quarter, Lord? What is my part? Am I going on outreach?? So I went to be with Jesus by the water last night. Such an amazing thing to be able to go to this gorgeous sunset and speak with the creator of it all. I cried, I told Him I was worried. He told me not to be. He brought me here..."Look where you ARE." I know...I know! I remember very clearly being in the pit at the end of my marriage and so stressed I seriously couldn't see straight. I was on my face in prayer fervently asking..."Just get me to Kona, Lord. Just get me to Kona." I just knew that everything would turn around here. I just knew that everything would align and start to make sense. Much has...for sure. But I still don't know what comes next and that really takes its toll. How I love a plan. When did I become such a control freak? Maybe the question is, when did I grow up? I just need to realize that I can be content in all circumstances. He won't let me go without what I truly need. He has never failed me. I think to myself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' I suppose the worst thing that could happen would be I would have to move home and get a job. Not do the full blown missionary thing. People do it. I've done it. I may do it again. If that is the worst thing... ok. But I am going to try my best to walk this out. Make an impact. I have good friends who have done this for years, I realize now what cajones of steel they have to live on support as missionaries. Whitlers, Aaron, Sustars, Hodges... you guys are badasses. I commend you for the years you have walked out your faith in Trust for His provision and all you have seen Him accomplish through you as a result. I admire you. I appreciate your example in my life.
Please pray for us! We are going, full steam ahead. Pray for supernatural understanding and ability. That God's purpose for this learning would be accomplished. Pray that we would not be distracted or seek unhealthy ways of coping. That we would be loving to one another through the stress. And for money...for all of us...for support. For His will to be done. For lives to be changed. Thank you so much.
Just wanted to try to keep up a bit so a ton of time doesn't go by and then it's a super long blog ;)
What a tough couple of days. I have really been trying to maintain the whole 'content' attitude, but I swear, it's being tested!! Of course, right?
Campus has the highest number of students ever again this quarter and I think they must be 'still learning' how to deal with us all. A couple of times they have run out of food and they'll serve corn dogs or the same thing they served for lunch... When you consider that it's not like we have a ton of food in our rooms to eat it's frustrating. Most of us do keep some food, cup of noodles has become my comfort food... SO BAD. I NEVER ate cup of noodles at home!!! I have taken to boiling eggs just to get 6 grams of protein here and there. Praise you, God- makes you grateful to have food at all, seriously.
We have started the Prophets and it feels like starting completely over. It's a language I do not speak and a way of thinking I do not follow. It's interesting to always think of yourself one way- and then realize when you are challenged that you are not that person at all! I always thought I was pretty easy going... um, no. I am a detail person!!! Oh my gosh.... I cannot let go... I need to get every detail right and that is just not possible. It's not like stocking a shelf, man....it's... so draining. I went to my grader 3 times today for the one paper I was working on. Even in the end she said, "It's decent. It is, but I think you will want to make some changes after doing the next part of your work." Ugh. Now, mind you- this is the sweetest woman... but MAN!! I just was NOT getting it. Needless to say there have already been tears of frustration this quarter... 4 days in. I find myself wanting to escape and that is just not possible. Last quarter I was still living on some of my own money so I went down for a burger sometimes...I have to be so much more careful now. I am down to the lowest amounts I have seen in my accounts in a loooong time and it's...scary. How do I pay for my vitamins, how do I pay for my phone? How will You cover 3rd quarter, Lord? What is my part? Am I going on outreach?? So I went to be with Jesus by the water last night. Such an amazing thing to be able to go to this gorgeous sunset and speak with the creator of it all. I cried, I told Him I was worried. He told me not to be. He brought me here..."Look where you ARE." I know...I know! I remember very clearly being in the pit at the end of my marriage and so stressed I seriously couldn't see straight. I was on my face in prayer fervently asking..."Just get me to Kona, Lord. Just get me to Kona." I just knew that everything would turn around here. I just knew that everything would align and start to make sense. Much has...for sure. But I still don't know what comes next and that really takes its toll. How I love a plan. When did I become such a control freak? Maybe the question is, when did I grow up? I just need to realize that I can be content in all circumstances. He won't let me go without what I truly need. He has never failed me. I think to myself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' I suppose the worst thing that could happen would be I would have to move home and get a job. Not do the full blown missionary thing. People do it. I've done it. I may do it again. If that is the worst thing... ok. But I am going to try my best to walk this out. Make an impact. I have good friends who have done this for years, I realize now what cajones of steel they have to live on support as missionaries. Whitlers, Aaron, Sustars, Hodges... you guys are badasses. I commend you for the years you have walked out your faith in Trust for His provision and all you have seen Him accomplish through you as a result. I admire you. I appreciate your example in my life.
Please pray for us! We are going, full steam ahead. Pray for supernatural understanding and ability. That God's purpose for this learning would be accomplished. Pray that we would not be distracted or seek unhealthy ways of coping. That we would be loving to one another through the stress. And for money...for all of us...for support. For His will to be done. For lives to be changed. Thank you so much.
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